Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 6

hated mockery.

They should be led on to the premises of sausage factories; through
villages, to be greeted as brothers-in-the-chase by forty yelping curs;
into infant-schools (that old joke), where the delighted babes would
throw arms around their necks and call them "Doggie," until both men
and hounds would begin to question whether the game were worth the
candle.
Therefore let every eligible vulpine enroll himself to-day as a
Hound-Fox. They must be dog-foxes, rising three or over, of good
stamina, with plenty of scent, intelligent and preferably unmarried. The
League Secretary was ---- (here followed the name, earth and covert of
a well-known veteran).
There was other matter, of course. A "Grand Prize Competition--A
Turkey a Week for Life!" was announced. A humorous article on
Earth-Stoppers and, on the "Vixens' Page," a discussion as to the
edibility of Pekinese.
Absent-mindedly I crumpled up the astounding rag and thrust it down
the hole.
* * * * *
I arose stiff, bemused. The hot March sunshine and the song of birds
had left me drowsy. A glance at my watch showed me, to my
astonishment, that was tea-time. So I made my way home.
The reception of my story was as cold as the tea. They weren't such
fools, they said, as to believe it. So, knowing your larger charity, dear
Mr. Punch, I send it to you.
And I shall await that retrospective article in some Maytime Field,
entitled "A Season of Disasters."
* * * * *
A CRITICAL PROBLEM.

"The Admirable Crichton is still one of the most captivating of modern
plays, rich in humour, scenically 'telling' and close-packed with
Barrieisms."--Times.
"'Crichton' is one of the most agreeable Barrie plays, because it is so
free from Barrieisms."--Manchester Guardian.
* * * * *
SURMISES AND SURPRISES.
The appearance of the Dean of ST. PAUL'S at a recent social gathering
not in the character of a wet blanket, but as a teller of jocund tales and a
retailer of humorous anecdotes, must not be taken as an isolated and
transient transformation, but as foreshadowing a general conversion of
writers and publicists hitherto associated with utterances of a mordant,
bitter, sardonic and pessimistic tone.
It is rumoured at Cambridge that Mr. MAYNARD KEYNES, mollified
by the reception of his momentous work, has plunged into an orgy of
optimism, the first-fruits of which will be a treatise on The
Gastronomic Consequences of the Peace. Those who have been
fortunate enough to see the MS. declare that the personal sketches of
Mr. CLYNES, Mr. G.H. ROBERTS, Mr. HOOVER and M.
ESCOFFIER are marked by a coruscating wit unparalleled in the
annals of Dietetics. The account of a dinner at the "White Horse" is
perhaps the clou of an exceptionally exhilarating entertainment.
This agreeable swing of the pendulum is further illustrated by the
report that Mr. PHILIP GIBBS, by way of counteracting the depression
caused by his last book, is contemplating a palliative under the title of
Humours of the Home Front. It is hoped that the book will come out
serially in the pages of The Hibbert Journal.
Very welcome too is the report, not yet officially confirmed, that Sir E.
RAY LANKESTER is engaged on a genial biography of Sir ARTHUR
CONAN DOYLE, with special reference to his achievements in the
domain of psychical research.

Other similar rumours are flying about in Fleet Street, but we give them
with necessary reserve. One of them credits Mr. LYTTON
STRACHEY with the resolve to indite a panegyric of the Archbishop
of CANTERBURY. Another ascribes to Lord FISHER the preparation
of a treatise on The Evils of Egotism.
* * * * *
THE WEEK'S GREAT THOUGHT.
"We are at a crisis, and a critical one at that."--Sir ARCHIBALD
SALVIDGE in "The Sunday Chronicle."
* * * * *
IN A GOOD CAUSE.
A special matinée is to be given by Mr. CHARLES GULLIVER at the
Paladium, on Friday, March 19th, for the National Children's Adoption
Association. Mrs. LLOYD GEORGE, who makes a strong appeal for
this good work, will receive applications for tickets at 10, Downing
Street, S.W., and cheques should be made payable to her.
[Illustration: MANNERS AND MODES.
THE ELECT ARE PRIVILEGED TO SEE THE FINISHED STATUE
OF HERCULES BY A CELEBRATED SCULPTOR.]
* * * * *
SONGS OF THE HOME.
IV.--THE BARRISTER HUSBAND.
How doth the Barrister delight, According to his sort, To mix in any
form of fight In any kind of Court.
When Nurse's temper runs amok, And Cook is by the ears, And all the
home is terror-struck By notices and tears, And Madame begs me

estimate What argument or bounce'll Restore and keep the peace, I state
Opinion of Counsel:--
"With language dignified and terse And with a haughty look I should
annihilate the Nurse And coldly crush