Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 8

but possibly you may be able to enter into my feelings in this hour of trial. With a prickly heat suffusing my whole body and a melting sensation at the collar I struggled through the wretched lyric once. Timothy regarded me first with scorn and then with positive distaste. In desperation I squeaked it out again and yet again, but each succeeding "pop" only registered another scowl on the face of my offspring and another threepence on that of the cabman's clock.
I was maddened now, and Suzanne sought to restrain me; but I shook her off violently and went on again da capo, and was just giving vent for about the seventeenth time to a particularly excruciating "pop" when the door of the studio opened and a benevolent-looking old gentleman entered. He gazed at us all in wonderment, and, overcome by mingled shame and exhaustion, I sank into a chair and popped no more.
"Ah, Mr. Snapper," said Mr. Klick, "we were just trying to get this young gentleman amused."
Mr. Snapper, who, I should imagine, was the adenoid victim, looked first at me and next at Timothy, and then blew his nose vigorously. It was not an ordinary blast, but had a peculiarly musical timbre, very much like the note of a mouth-organ. It certainly attracted Timothy's attention, for he at once looked round and the glimmer of a smile appeared upon his tear-stained face.
"That's it!" cried Barbara excitedly. "Do it again."
"Oh, please do," entreated Suzanne.
Mr. Snapper, adenoids or no adenoids, was a sportsman. He quickly understood what was required of him and blew his nose again and again. And with each blow Timothy's smile became wider, the dimples grew deeper, and Mr. Klick at the camera was pushing in and pulling out plates for all he was worth. At last Mr. Snapper could blow no more, and with profuse thanks we gathered ourselves, together and departed. On our arrival home the cabman, fortunately, was induced to accept a cheque in payment.
The photographs have turned out a great success. One in particular, which shows the first smile breaking through Timothy's tears, is of a very happy character, and Mr. Snapper has asked and received permission to send it to the illustrated Press under the title, "Sunshine and Shower"; and Aunt Caroline has not only been given a copy, but has had it framed.
Now, when I am called upon to produce a laugh from Timothy, I no longer make faces or "pop." I have discovered how to blow my nose like a mouth-organ. It's trying work, but the effect is magical.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "Y' EVER HAD A BARF, BILLY?"
"YUS, I ONST FELL IN THE SERPENTINE."]
* * * * *
Redintegratio Amoris.
"The Public is hereby notified that myself and my Wife Millicent ---- is together again. I got hasty and advertised her with no just cause. FITZ ----."--West Indian Paper.
* * * * *
"This telegram had been preceded by others, which were, unfortunately, contrary to instructions at the Post Office, delivered at this office, which was closed, and, therefore, not opened."--Irish Paper.
That, of course, would be so.
* * * * *
"At a meeting of the Child Study Society on Thursday, April 29th, at 6 p.m., Sir A. E. Shipley, G.B.E., D.Sc., F.R.S., will give a lecture, illustrated by lantern slides, on biting insects and children."
British Medical Journal.
And we had always thought him such a kind man!
* * * * *
[Illustration: Gloomy Artist. "YES, I GAVE HER ALL MY LAST YEAR'S SKETCHES FOR HER JUMBLE-SALE IN THE EAST-END. TOLD HER TO GET RID OF THEM FOR ANYTHING SHE LIKED--HALF-A-CROWN OR A COUPLE OF BOB----" (Pauses for exclamations of horror at the sacrifice.)
Friend. "AND DID THEY SELL?"]
* * * * *
THE MINXIAD.
(Being the scenario of a modern doggerel Epic.)
THE lady I choose for the theme of my lay Is a portent "conspicuous even to-day," For, though she was freely condemned and abhorred, She was never suppressed and she can't be ignored.
Her parents, most anxious to give a good time To their children, if only they helped them to climb, Unconsciously aiding the new Self-Expression Left all from the start to their daughter's discretion.
No nurse was allowed to rebuke her or warn her, No governess put her to stand in a corner; At six she revealed a peculiar joy In the taste of old brandy, and dressed like a boy; At eight she had read CASANOVA, CELLINI, And driven a toasting-fork into a tweeny; At ten she indited and published a story Described by The Leadenhall News as "too gory." One governess after another was tried, But none of them stopped and one suddenly died. Then she went for a while to a wonderful school Which was run on the plan of the late Mrs. BOOLE; But no "ethical safeguards" could ever restrain So impulsive