Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 6

and ain't never likely for to see again. So the LORD MARE, hearing as the French Embassadore was in that werry dellicate sitiwation, arsked about three hundred of the most heminent Gents in all London to come to the Manshun House to meet him, and they all came, as in course they wood do, and that was one of the werry grandest Bankwets as regards silly brated Gests as ewen I ewer had the honner of waiting on.
And now for the staggerers! Just to begin with, why the French Embassadore is no more a Frenchman than I am! for his name it's WODDINGTON, and so was his Father's before him, and strange to say, thanks, I spose, to the splendid dinner, et setterer, as was guv him, he acshally told us as he rowed in the Winning Boat at the Uniwersity Boat-race at Putney, ewer so many years ago! Werry like a Frenchman, suttenly, or, as I should prefer saying, werry like a Whale! Of course all the Gents present, being reel Gents, looked quite as if they beleeved it all; but, when he afterwards went on to say that his Grate Grandfather took his most religious and grayshus Majesty, KING CHARLES THE SECOND, right up into the Hoak Tree, and so saved his preshus life, I saw sum two or three of the werry hiest on 'em trying in wain to look quite serious, as if they bleeved it all; and one werry smart young feller near me said to his friend, "Why not call it the Hoax Tree"? I didn't kno quite what he meant, but they both had a quiet larf over it.
[Illustration: "Robaire" �� la mode de Parry.]
He gave us a few more staggerers, but not quite equal to the King Charles one, and of course we coud all make allowances for him, as it was his last chance in such a party as that was. But he made up for it all before he left, by speaking of the Grand Old Copperation as one of the werry noblest bodys in the world, and as having made its mark in the history of this great Country, and how artily he hoped it would continue and flurrish for ever! I don't suppose as there was any county counsellers among so distingwisht a Body, or I should like to know what they thort of the Embassadore's opinion of us! An I'm thinkin of wizitin Parry myself and cummin out strong. And wy not? They tell me it will make me kwite young again, for I shall go over there a helderly henglish waiter and reappear in Parry as a "garsong" which is french for "a young man."
ROBERT.
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BRIGHTON BOORS.
[MR. GLADSTONE was mobbed by an immense crowd on Sunday, the 5th.]
O Brighton, it isn't a thing to be proud of That people, the fat uns as well as the bony uns, Should squeeze an old Gentleman, crushed in a crowd of Brightonians.
All watering-places you claim to be Queen of, As proud as the Tyrians or the Sidonians? Your manners don't match; such behaviour seems green of Brightonians.
You scare away visitors, who are affrighted By folks rude as Goths, Huns, or wild Caledonians. Such staring shows that in two ways you're short-sighted Brightonians.
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OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.--CHATTO AND WINDUS have published, in handy form, cloth bound, and handsomely printed, an edition of JUSTIN MCCARTHY'S novels. There are, ten in all, going at half-a-crown a-piece, and well worth the money. The literary style is excellent--not a matter of course in the writing of novels--the tone wholesome, whilst on every page gleams the light of genuine, if gentle humour. In looking through the pages of this charming little library, my Baronite is inclined to regret that Mr. MCCARTHY should, to some extent, have given up to Politics what was meant for Literature.
B. DE B.-W.
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[Illustration: AN EFFECT OF SHYNESS.
Proud Mamma. "WHICH DO YOU THINK EFFY'S MOST LIKE, MR. JINKS?--HER FATHER, OR ME?"
Mr. Jinks. "OH--A--I SHOULD SAY SHE'S A PLAIN LIKENESS OF HER FATHER----I MEAN--A--HANDSOME LIKENESS OF HER MOTHER--A--I MEAN--A--A----" [Stammers hopelessly, upsets his Tea, and wishes himself unborn.]
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THE ASSAULT!!
Beleaguers babble around the Battering-Ram:--
Balfourius (musingly). "Heroes tall Dislodging pinnacle and parapet Upon the tortoise creeping to the wall."
Chamberlainus (sardonically). Heroes tall, indeed! Have the distressed defenders of this untenable Citadel any such? GLADSTONIUS is a sort of hero, perhaps, but hardly tall; HARCOURTIUS is tall indeed, but no hero. Aha!
Saundersonius (sharply). Yes; and we have had too much of that "tortoise-creeping" business. Sharp's the word now, I hope. BALFOURIUS'S Battering-Ram--though the murderous ruffians--I mean excited politicians--did denounce it, is better than all your tortoises!
Balfourius (completing his quotation). "Lances in ambush set."
Saundersonius. Oh yes, they're all very well--in their way. A School of