Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 9

front, the grasping capitalist will be brought to his knees. Am working night and day for peace.
Thursday.--Pointed out to the employers that a strike is inevitable unless they give way. We can make no concession. My whole energies are concentrated on preventing a strike. Told our members that unless they remain firm the employers will crush them. A strike would be a national calamity and might spell ruin to the country.
Friday.--The possibility of a strike looms larger. Can nothing be done to prevent it? Informed the employers that we declined to abate one iota of our claim. "All or nothing" is our motto. Also refused to go to arbitration. Warned the employers that a strike means starvation for women and children. The prospect appals me.
Saturday.--The employers, who seem to be determined on a strike, have offered the men two shillings if they will consider the question of working five days a week instead of four. We refused their offer and demanded that our claim should be conceded unconditionally by noon, failing which our members would cease work.
Later.--The strike has commenced. Heaven knows that I did everything to prevent it which human being could do. The capitalists seem to have made up their minds to force civil war and all its horrors upon the country. The spectacle of little children starving causes me acute distress.
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A GUIDE TO GREATNESS.
[Mr. JACOB EPSTEIN maintains in The Daily Mail that a man to be a creative genius must lead an orderly domesticated life.]
I COURTED the Muse as a stripling, Immured in a Bloomsbury flat, And yearned for the kudos of KIPLING For fees that were frequent and fat; But editors, far from discerning The worth of the pearls that I placed At their feet, had a way of returning The same with indelicate haste.
But, espousing, a year or two later, The sweetest and neatest of wives, I found, after peeling a tater Or imparting a polish to knives, I could scribble with frenzy and passion, That the breaking of coal would inspire, In a truly remarkable fashion, My soul with celestial fire.
Serenity reigns in the household; I've cancelled my grudge against Fate; My lyrical efforts are now sold At a simply phenomenal rate; And, whether I'm laying the lino Or bathing the babes, I regard The job as a cushy one: I know The way to succeed as a bard.
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[Illustration: THE SCALES OF JUSTICE.
SIR ROBERT HORNE. "I WANT TO KEEP THE BALANCE. NOW THEN, BOTH TOGETHER."
THE MINER. "NO. YOU BEGIN--AND THEN PERHAPS I'LL THINK ABOUT IT."]
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[Illustration: P. C. GREENWOOD. "ARRAH! GET OUT WID YEZ AND LET THE LADY PASS."]
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ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Tuesday, October 19th.--A start was made with half a hundred Questions, and, considering that most of them had been in cold storage since before the Recess, it was surprising how fresh they remained. Persia and Mesopotamia--not to mention Ireland--are still unsettled; the Turkish Treaty is not yet ratified; the cost of living continues to rise, and the ratio of unemployment has alarmingly advanced, especially in the case of ex-service men.
These last are to be found work in the building trades, with, it is hoped, the assistance of the trade unions, but, if that hope is disappointed, then without it. The country requires half-a-million houses built. "Here are men who could assist," said the PRIME MINISTER, "and we propose that they should be allowed to assist."
Over a prospect already sufficiently bleak there broods the shadow of the coal-strike. Sir ROBERT HORNE, in presenting the case for the Government, was admirably clear but, perhaps naturally, a little cold. Only when the new lighting arrangement had flooded the House with artificial sunshine did the Minister warm up a little and hint that a way of peace might yet be found.
I wonder if it was by accident or artifice that Mr. BRACE began his plea for the miners with the admission that they had only dropped the demand for the reduction of fourteen shillings and twopence in the price of domestic coal when they discovered that "the money was not there." Anyhow the laughter that ensued served to put Members into a good temper and to cause them to lend a friendly ear to his suggestion that the two shillings advance, though in his view only "dust in the balance," should be "temporarily" conceded, pending the establishment of a tribunal which should permanently settle the conditions of the mining industry. The increase of output which everyone desired would then be brought about.
Most of the speakers who followed seemed to think that Mr. BRACE had sown the seed of a settlement. It was left to the PRIME MINISTER, who evidently did not relish the task, to awaken the House from its beautiful dream. He