Punch, or the London Charivari

Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152. January 17, 1917

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January 17, 1917, by Various This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 152. January 17, 1917
Author: Various
Release Date: November 6, 2004 [EBook #13966]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 152.

January 17, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.
"Time to deal finally with Tino," announced an evening paper last week, thereby doing a great deal to allay a disquieting impression that the matter was to be left to eternity.
***
"KING CONSTANTINE," says the _Berliner Tageblatt_, "has as much right to be heard as a common criminal." We agree, though few of his friends have put it quite so bluntly.
***
The Lokalanzeiger devotes three columns of a recent issue to the advantages of the British blockade as a compulsory refiner of the German figure. A still more desirable feature of it, which the Lokalanzeiger omits to draw attention to, is its efficacy in reducing the German swelled head.
***
We know of no finer example of the humility of true greatness than the KAISER'S decision to allow the War to continue.
***
A Berlin newspaper says that after the coronation of the EMPEROR KARL at Budapest one of the jewels was missed from the Crown. Fortunately for the relations between the two Empires, the German CROWN PRINCE is in a position to prove an alibi.
***
To facilitate the delivery of milk, a certain Dairymen's Association has suggested to the Food Controller that they should have recourse to a pool. In most districts, however, recourse will be had as usual to ***
Lord RHONNDA'S appeal to the public to keep tame rabbits has been enthusiastically taken up by all the smart people, and enterprising maisons are already offering driving coats, sleeping baskets and silk pyjamas for the little pets at prices ranging from two guineas upwards.
***
The tallest giraffe in the world has just died at the Zoo. The animal came from Kordofan, where, Mr. POCOCK tells us, all the really tall ones have been told.
***
It is reported that General VON BISSING is retiring from Belgium as his health shows no signs of improvement. The blood baths he has been taking have not afforded the expected relief.
***
It was stated at a London Tribunal that the War Office has just given a contract for 2,400 waste-paper baskets. If further evidence was required of our unshakable determination to carry the War to a successful conclusion, it is surely provided by this indication of the extent to which the public are helping the War Office with suggestions as to how to win it.
***
Attention has been called to the waste of time and money involved in the calling of grand juries where there are only one or two trifling cases to be tried, and it is suggested that they might be able to combine their juridical functions with some useful employment. A correspondent who signs himself "Lifer" points out to us that the grand jurymen he has met are just the men the nation needs for the Tribunals if the combing-out process is to be effectual.
***
A man who was to have appeared before the Law Society Tribunal excused himself on the ground that he was suffering from melancholia, and regret was expressed by the military representative that he should have been misinformed as to the nature of the entertainment.
***
The admission of a Stuttgart professor that trousers are a German invention has given the liveliest satisfaction to our Highland regiments, who have long had an intuitive feeling that the Hun was guilty of even blacker crimes than those of which we had been officially informed.
***
A "Longer Course for Cadets" is announced by a morning paper. The Food Controller is to be asked to make public his reasons for this obviously unfair discrimination between soldiers.
***
Men's wear, it is reported, will be twenty-five per cent. dearer this year than last, but a good example in economy is rumoured to have been set by a well-known actor manager, who now only wears a crease in one leg of his trousers.
***
A burglar who broke into a Manchester wine stores made off with a large sum of money, but none of the wine was taken. This once again proves that total abstinence is absolutely essential to business success.
***
Consternation has been caused among the pessimists (who have declared that this will be a long War) by the recent statement of M. Louis RABOURDIN, the French scientist, that in five thousand years