Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 8

OUT."]
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MOVEMENT IN THE MONEY MARKET.
DEAR MR. PUNCH,--I have been spending my holiday at a watering place, a place that fully deserves its epithet. My London daily has been my only entertainment, and towards the evening hours I have found myself wandering about the less familiar beats of it. I have become an intimate of the City Editor, and I hasten to inform you, Mr. Punch, that he has introduced me to a side of the Gay Life which I have been missing all these years. I will set out the tale of it, even at the risk of making your readers blush.
It appears that recently a feeling spread in the Market (and that all these goings-on should take place in a market adds, in my view, to their curiousness) that a crisis had been reached in monetary restrictions and things might be eased a bit. Apparently there is a circle of people in the know, and by them it was immediately appreciated what this "relaxation" implied. The first overt sign of something doing was a "heavy demand for money," a need which I too, for all my quiet domesticity, have felt from time to time. No doubt the fast City set were filling their pockets before commencing a course of "relaxation." The next development was that the Market was approached from all sides with "applications for accommodation." I can picture the merry parties rolling up in their thousands, booking every available house, flat or room, and even paying very fancy prices for the hire of a booth for a house-party.
It may give you some idea of the nature of their "relaxation" when I say that our old friend the Bank of England seems to have so far forgotten herself as to start making advances to the Government. My City Editor, who is possibly a family man, cannot bring himself to give details; he just states the fact, merely adding the significant comment that "the usual reserve of the Bank is rapidly disappearing." The effect of this example is appearing in the most respectable quarters. "All attempts are now failing," he reports, for example, "to keep the Fiduciary Issue within limits." Reluctantly he mentions a "considerably freer tendency in Discount circles."
Further he records a tendency to over-indulgence in feasting. I read of figures (I hardly like to quote this bit) becoming "improperly inflated." Will you believe me when I add that a section of those participating in the beano, whose one fear was, apparently, that it would all end only too soon, actually were heard expressing the apprehension, to quote verbatim, "that they would deflate too rapidly." "The whole tone of the Market," says my City Editor, "became distinctly cheerful," and he pauses to comment on the one redeeming feature: "War Loan remaining steady, 84-15/16 middle."
And thence to the shocking climax: Trade Returns were unable to balance properly, and Money (to be absolutely outspoken and no longer to mince matters) got tight.
After this I was not surprised to read of "Mexican Eagles rising on the announcement of the new Gusher." Nor a little later to find the announcement, "Stock Exchange Dull." A very natural reaction.
Yours ever,
A SIMPLE WEST-ENDER.
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PROFESSIONAL PRIDE.
Extract from a plumber's account:--
"To making good leaks in pipes, 8/6."
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"Wanted 2 Lions male and female or either any of them. What will be the cost? Where they can be had and when can we get."--_Indian Paper._
Can any of our readers oblige this eager zoologist?
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"An incident of an extraordinary nature befell Colonel ----, C.B., while playing a golf match at Brancaster. A large grey cow swooped down, picked up his ball and flew away with it."--_Newfoundland Paper._
Probably a descendant of the one who jumped over the moon.
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[Illustration: _Betty._ "MUMMY, HOW DID THESE TWO MARKS GET ON MY ARM?"
_Mother._ "THE DOCTOR MADE THEM. THEY'RE VACCINATION MARKS. THERE OUGHT PROPERLY TO BE FOUR OF THEM."
Betty (_after much deliberation_). "MUMMY, DID YOU PAY FOR FOUR?"]
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ON RUNNING DOWN TO BRIGHTON.
When I consulted people about my nasal catarrh, "There is only one thing to do," they said. "Run down to Brighton for a day or two."
So I started running and got as far as Victoria. There I was informed that it was quite unnecessary to run all the way to Brighton. People walked to Brighton, yes; or hopped to Kent; but they never ran. The fastest time to Brighton by foot was about eight hours, but this was done without an overcoat or suit-case. Even on Saturdays they said it was quicker to take the train than to walk or to hop.
Brighton has sometimes been called London by the Sea or the Queen of Watering Places, but in buying a ticket it is better