Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 9

it were intended to promote the growth of quite another kind of
corn), and observed that he himself had originally been opposed to
State interference with agriculture. But he soon warmed to his work,
and spoke with all the zeal of the convert. Among his most appreciative
listeners were the occupants of the Peers' Gallery--the Duke of

MARLBOROUGH, who has transformed the sword of Blenheim into a
ploughshare, and Viscount CHAPLIN, to whom the announcement of
State bounties for wheat-growing seems like the arrival of the
Millennium.
Another ex-Minister of Agriculture was, to put it mildly, less
enthusiastic. I should be doing Mr. RUNCIMAN little injustice to say
that for the moment the politician in him rose superior to the patriot. If
after the War the old party-quarrels are to break out again with all their
fatal futility I can imagine that Liberal wire-pullers in the rural districts
will be much embarrassed by the existence of bounties which
economically they cannot approve but which politically they dare not
remove. But surely we shall have learned our lesson badly if the old
strife of Tory and Liberal is to be revived in all its former virulence and
sterility. Besides there is the Labour Party to be considered, as Mr.
GEORGE ROBERTS reminded the House in the best speech he has
made since he went on the Treasury Bench. He pointed out that if high
wages and good conditions were to be secured for agricultural workers
the prosperity of the agricultural industry as a whole must be ensured;
and he hoped that the policy of State-aid would not stop there. No
wonder the hard-shell Free Traders looked glum.
Sir HEDWORTH MEUX must be careful or he will jeopardize his
reputation as a humourist. Mr. PARTINGTON having asked whether
the Government would put down their racehorses, the gallant Admiral
could think of no better jest than that the proposal was as futile as that
of the hon. Member's namesake, who endeavoured to keep out the
Atlantic with a mop. Shortly afterwards Mr. YEO asked whether the
Government would consider the destruction of cats, with a view,
perhaps, to the suppression of MEUX.
The Corn Production Bill had to run the gauntlet of a good many
criticisms during the second day's debate. The unkindest cut of all was
delivered by the SPEAKER. Mr. MOLTENO had asked whether
Members who were landowners or farmers might vote on a measure
affecting their financial interests, and Mr. LOWTHER replied that the
benefits were "so problematical and so uncertain" that he thought they

might. Mr. MOLTENO used his freedom to vote against the Second
Reading; but only a handful of Members followed his example. Mr.
RUNCIMAN and his friends decided that abstention was the better part
of valour.
_Thursday, April 26th._--Major BAIRD made a modest and candid
defence of the Air Board against its many critics. He did not pretend
that they were yet satisfied--in the case of so new a service there could
be no finality-- but he claimed that the departments had worked much
more harmoniously since they were all housed under the hospitable
roof of the Hotel Cecil, a statement which Lord HUGH of that ilk
subsequently endorsed. Major BAIRD, despite the general mildness of
his voice and demeanour, can deliver a good hard knock on occasion.
He warned the House against indulging in a certain class of criticism,
on the ground that there was no surer way of killing an airman than to
destroy his confidence in the machine he was flying; and he asserted
that the "mastery of the air" was a meaningless phrase impossible of
realization. I think Mr. PEMBERTON-HICKS and Mr.
JOYNSON-BILLING took the rebuke to heart, for they were much less
aggressive than usual.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "BE A GOOD BOY AND STOP YOUR 'OLLERIN,
AND I'LL LET YER SEE THE OLD GENT FALL ORF THE BUS."]
* * * * *
SICK.
Dear MR. PUNCH,--Excuse this tosh, But I've succumbed to measles
(Bosch), And all my dreary hours are spent Inside a vast and gloomy
tent. So, as I'm feeling rather blue, I thought I'd better write to you. All
known diseases here you'll find (This letter's steamed, you needn't
mind); But in my tent there's only one, I'm glad to say, viz., measles
(Hun). The Nurses all are Scotch and stout, So are the drinks I do
without; I don't complain of lack of fruit-- At least we don't get
arrowroot-- Nor have I even ever seen a Single plate of semolina. So

life is not so bad, you see, Except for chlorine in the tea. I think that's
all, so now will end, Hoping this finds you, dearest friend, Just as it
leaves me, in the pink (My rash is not quite gone, I think).
* *