Punch, or the London Charivari

Punch, or the London Charivari,
Volume 158, March 17, 1920

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March 17, 1920, by Various, Edited by Owen Seaman
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Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 158, March 17, 1920
Author: Various
Release Date: April 13, 2005 [eBook #15615]
Language: English
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOL. 158
MARCH 17, 1920

CHARIVARIA.
PRINCE ALBERT JOACHIM, it appears, did not take part in the
attack on a French officer at the Hotel Adlon, but only gave the signal.
Always the little Hohenzollern!
***
It seems that at the last moment Mr. C. B. COCHRAN broke off
negotiations for the exclusive right to organise the CARPENTIER
wedding.
***
"Will Scotland go dry?" asks The Daily Express. Not on purpose, we
imagine.
***
A new method of stopping an omnibus by a foot-lever has been
patented. This is much better than the old plan of shaking one's
umbrella at them.
***

Mr. LLOYD GEORGE, we read, makes a study of handwriting. The
only objection that The Times has to this habit is that he positively
refuses to notice the writing on the wall.
***
It is rumoured that the Government will construct an experimental
tunnel between England and the United States in order (1) to cement
Anglo-American friendship, and (2) to ascertain if the Channel Tunnel
is practicable.
***
Dr. C.W. COLBY, head of the Department of History, has taken Sir
AUCLAND GEDDES' place as Principal of McGill University. The
report that Sir AUCKLAND will reciprocate by taking a place in
history awaits confirmation.
***
"It is quite usual nowadays," a well-known auctioneer states, "for mill
hands to keep a few orchids." We understand that by way of a
counter-stroke a number of noblemen are threatening to go in for
runner ducks.
***
A Rotherham couple who have just celebrated their diamond wedding
have never tasted medicine. We ourselves have always maintained that
the taste is an acquired one.
***
A Greenland falcon has been shot in the Orkneys. The view is widely
taken that the wretched bird, which must have known it wasn't in
Greenland, brought the trouble on itself.
***

An alleged anarchist arrested in Munich was identified as a poet and
found Not Guilty--not guilty, that is to say, of being an anarchist.
***
With reference to the pending retirement of Mr. ROBERT SMILLIE
from the Presidency of the Miners' Federation, it appears that there is
talk of arranging a farewell strike.
***
The Berlin Vorwaerts states that ex-Emperor CARL has been
discovered in Hungary under an assumed name. The Hungarian
authorities say that unless he is claimed within three days he will be
sold to defray expenses.
***
We understand that Mr. Justice DARLING'S weekly denial of the
reports of his retirement will in future be issued on Tuesdays, instead of
Wednesdays, as hitherto.
***
When hit by a bullet a tiger roars until dead, says a weekly paper, but a
tigress dies quietly. Nervous people who suffer from headaches should
therefore only shoot tigresses.
***
Two out of ten houses being built at Guildford are now complete.
Builders in other parts of the country are asking who gave the word
"Go."
***
"Marvellous to relate," says a Sunday paper, "a horse has just died at
Ingatestone at the age of thirty-six." Surely it is more marvellous that it
did not die before.

***
It is said that the Paris Peace Conference cost two million pounds. The
latest suggestion is that, before the next war starts, tenders for a Peace
Conference shall be asked for and the lowest estimate accepted.
***
A Walsall carter has summoned a fellow-worker because during a
quarrel he stepped on his face. It was not so much that he had stepped
on his face, we understand, as the fact that he had loitered about on it.
***
A painful mistake is reported from North London. It appears that a
young lady who went to a fancy-dress ball as "The Silent Wife" was
awarded the first prize for her clever impersonation of a telephone girl.
***
We are glad to learn that the thoughtless tradesman who, in spite of the
notice, "Please