Punch, or the London Charivari

Punch, or the London Charivari,
Vol. 102, April 23, 1892

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April 23, 1892, by Various, Edited by F. C. Burnand
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Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 102, April 23, 1892
Author: Various
Release Date: December 29, 2004 [eBook #14514]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI
VOL. 102
April 23, 1892

TOWN THOUGHTS FROM THE COUNTRY.
(_WITH THE USUAL APOLOGIES._)
Oh, to be in London now that April's there, And whoever walks in
London sees, some morning, in the Square, That the upper thousands
have come to Town, To the plane-trees droll in their new bark gown,
While the sparrows chirp, and the cats miaow In London--now! And
after April, when May follows And the black-coats come and go like
swallows! Mark, where yon fairy blossom in the Row Leans to the rails,
and canters on in clover, Blushing and drooping, with her head bent
low! That's the wise child: she makes him ask twice over, Lest he
should think she views with too much rapture Her first fine wealthy
capture! But,--though her path looks smooth, and though, alack, All
will he gay, till Time has painted black The _Marigold_, her Mother's
chosen flower,-- Far brighter is my _Heartsease_, Love's own dower.
* * * * *
A WANT.--"There is only one thing," a visitor writes to us, "that I
missed at Venice, S.W. I've never been to the real place, which is the
Bride, or Pride, of the Sea, I forget which, but, as I was saying, there's
only one thing I miss, and that is the heather. Who has not heard of 'the
moor of Venice'? And I daresay good shooting there too, with black
game and such like. I only saw pigeons flying, who some one informed
me are the pigeons of SAM MARK. Next time I go, I shall inquire at
the Restaurant for fresh Pigeon Pie. However, if Mr. KIRALFY will
take a hint, he will, in August provide a moor. It will add to the gaiety
of the show. 'The moor the merrier,' eh?"
* * * * *
NEO-DRAMATIC NURSERY RHYME.
MRS. GRUNDY, good woman, scarce knew what to think About the
relation 'twixt Drama and Drink. Well, give Hall--and Theatre--good
wholesome diet, And all who attend will be sober and quiet!
* * * * *
SPRING'S DELIGHTS IN LONDON.--"VIA MALODORA"--clearly
a lady, "DORA" for short--wrote to the Times complaining that the
result of the splendid weather for the first ten days of the month was the
reproduction of "summer effluvium rank and offensive" in Piccadilly.
Poor Piccadilly! Oh, its "offence is rank," and Miss DORA might add,
quoting to her father from another scene in _Hamlet_, "And smells so.

Pa'!" West-Enders, in a dry summer, must he prepared to have "a high
old time of it."
* * * * *
[Illustration: SANCTA SIMPLICITAS.
_Orthodox Old Maid._ "BUT, REBECCA, IS YOUR PLACE OF
WORSHIP CONSECRATED?"
Domestic (_lately received into the Plymouth Brotherhood_). "OH NO,
MISS--IT'S GALVANISED IRON!"]
* * * * *
MY SOAP.
[Illustration]
I'm the maker of a Soap, which I confidently hope In the advertising
tournament will win, And remain the fit survival, having vanquished
every rival Which is very detrimental to the skin.
I will now proceed to show, what the public ought to know, Unless
they would be blindly taken in. How in every soap but mine certain
qualities combine To make it detrimental to the skin.
But surely at this date it is needless I should state That the cheaper
soaps are barely worth a pin, For they all contain a mixture, either free
or as a fixture, Which is very detrimental to the skin.
And every cake you buy is so charged with alkali, To soda more than
soap it is akin; It is really dear at last, for it wastes away so fast. And is
very detrimental to the skin.
The public I must warn of the colours that adorn The soaps ambitious
foreigners bring in; They are often very pretty, but to use them is a pity,
For they're very detrimental to the skin.
There are