Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 9

a heart and so fertile a brain; And a fire, for the kindling of which she was held Responsible, led to her being expelled.
On the strength of her fine pyromaniac rage For a season or two she appeared on the stage; Her dancing was crude and her voice was a blank, But she carried it off by superlative swank, And married a swarthy and elderly milli- Onaire who was killed in an earthquake in Chile. A militant during the Suffrage campaign, In the War she adopted the cause of Sinn Fein, And, according to credible witness, was seen In the thick of the fighting at Easter, '16. Escaping arrest by a dexterous dodge She became a disciple of OLIVER LODGE, Gave lectures on Swedish and Swiss callisthenics, Eurhythmics (DALCROZE) and Ukrainian eugenics. Last, married in haste to a Bolshevist don, She dyed her hair green and was painted by JOHN, Eloped with a squat anthropophagous Dago And finds a fit home in Tierra del Fuego.
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"TEMPERANCE WOMEN OF ALL LANDS.
ONE PROPOSES KNEELING OUTSIDE HOUSE OF COMMONS."
"Star" Headlines.
We have read the article carefully, but the Member to whom this Leap-Year proposal was made is not mentioned.
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[Illustration: IN A CUSHY CAUSE.
OVER-SHORN SHEEP. "OH, SO THAT'S WHERE IT GOES TO, IS IT?"]
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ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.
Monday, April 19th.--Primrose day in the House of Commons was more honoured in the breach than the observance. Barely a dozen Members sported Lord BEACONFIELD'S favourite flower (for salads), and one of them found himself so uncomfortably conspicuous that shortly after the proceedings opened he furtively transferred his buttonhole to his coat-pocket. Among those who remained faithful were Lord LAMBOURNE (in the Peers' Gallery), who had for this occasion substituted a posy of primroses for his usual picotee, and, quaintly enough, Mr. HOGGE, who had not hitherto been suspected of Disraelian sympathies.
[Illustration:
"A primrose by a river's brim A yellow primrose was to him And it was nothing more."
"Mr. HOGGE had not hitherto been suspected of Disraelian sympathies."]
For a Budget-day the attendance was smaller than usual. But it was large enough to prevent Mr. BILLING from securing his usual seat. The SPEAKER, however, did not smile upon his suggestion that he should occupy one of the vacant places on the Front Opposition Bench, and curtly informed him that there was plenty of room in the Gallery. Thither Mr. BILLING betook himself, and thence he addressed a question which Mr. HOPE, the Minister concerned, was unable to catch, his ears not being attuned to sounds from that altitude.
Otherwise Question-time was chiefly remarkable for the loud and continued burst of cheering from the Coalition benches which greeted Mr. WILL THORNE'S suggestion (à propos of LENIN'S industrial conscription) that "it would be a very good thing to make all the idlers in this country work." Mr. THORNE seemed quite embarrassed by the popularity of his proposal, which did not, however, appear to arouse the same enthusiasm among his colleagues of the Labour Party.
It was four o'clock when Mr. CHAMBERLAIN rose to "open the Budget" (he clings to that old-fashioned phrase), and just after six when he completed a speech which Mr. ASQUITH (himself an ex-Chancellor of the Exchequer) justly praised for its lucidity and comprehensiveness.
Mr. CHAMBERLAIN could not on this occasion congratulate himself (as his predecessors were wont to do) on the accuracy of his forecasts. He had two shots last year, in Spring and Autumn, but both times was many millions out in his calculations. Fortunately all the mistakes were on the right side, and he came out with a surplus of one hundred and sixty-four millions (about as much as the whole revenue of the country when first he went to the Exchequer) to devote to the redemption of debt.
But that did not content him. For an hour by the clock he piled up the burdens on the taxpayer. His arguments were not always consistent. It is not quite easy to see why, because ladies have taken to smoking cigarettes, an extra heavy duty should be imposed on imported cigars; or how the appearance of "a new class of champagne-drinkers" justifies a further tax upon the humble consumer of "dinner-claret."
Nor is it easy to follow the process of reasoning by which the CHANCELLOR convinced himself that the Excess Profits Tax, which last year he described as a great deterrent to enterprise and industry, only, justifiable as "a temporary measure," should now be not merely continued but increased by fifty per cent.
[Illustration: Mr. CHAMBERLAIN. "I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS ABOUT THIS BLOOMING TREE (I USE THE EPITHET IN ITS LITERAL SENSE); I SHALL LET IT KEEP ON FOR ANOTHER YEAR."]
This proposal seemed to excite more hostility than any other. But the single taxers were annoyed by the final disappearance of the