Punch, or the London Charivari | Page 8

it. He now divulged that he was not really a broker, but a breaker of safes and strong boxes. He handed the door-keeper a key of his employer's safe. In the safe would be found the strong box. In the strong box would be found some notes of high value, unless he was very much mistaken.
So the door-keeper went and opened the safe and returned. And the Little Man opened the strong box, and he was very much mistaken. There was never a note there; just half-a-dozen pages torn out of a book printed in Arabic.
He was so angry that he gave the strong box one on the lid for itself, with the result that he couldn't lock it again. However, he said he had a friend who could lock or unlock anything, and he left the door-keeper drinking, for the first time at the Little Man's expense, while he took off the box to be repaired by his friend. The latter happened to be in the next room with a camera. The pages were photographed; the Little Man returned to the door-keeper with the strong box, now capable of being re-locked; the door-keeper returned to the office and put back the strong box, locked, into the safe, which he also locked, and was wiping the sweat off his forehead and congratulating himself that no one was the worse, when he was startled to find a policeman had been watching him all the time.
But he proved to be a very amenable policeman. He said he would take no action before he and the door-keeper had had time to talk it over next day. By the time that talk came the photographs had been developed, printed and translated. But the policeman did not wish to bore the door-keeper with the tiresome details. To put it quite shortly the policeman thought it was a most excellent crime, worthy of repetition at intervals.
Yours ever, HENRY.
(To be continued.)
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[Illustration: CONCENTRATION.]
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NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN.
THE ----.
I NEVER know why it should be So rude to talk about the ----. What funny folk we are! I think we've got the jealous hump Because we see we'll never jump So skilfully and far. For, if one's nibbled by a gnat Or harvest-bugs or things like that, One seldom keeps it dark; One may enlarge upon the tale If one is gobbled by a whale Or swallowed by a shark; But if you speak about the bite Of this abandoned parasite You're very, very rash; So sure is it to raise a frown I dare not even write it down; I simply put a ----. None but an entomologist Will quite admit the things exist, And generally they insist On using other names; For, when at night Professors leap Out of their scientific sleep Because these little devils keep Playing their usual games, They never shout, "It seems to be A something, something, something ----!" (The word is never used, you see, Except by artisans); No, as they fling the bedclothes high They give a wild but cultured cry, "Confound it! Botheration! Hi! A Pulex irritans!" A. P. H.
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Our Ruthless Motorists.
"Triumph 1920 4 h.p. Model H, also Baby, both brand new; sacrifice, ￡5 off each."
Motor Journal.
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"It was intended to hold mock trials in order to familiarise women with court procedure and 'legal shibboleths.'
When I saw her to-day, Miss ---- said that 'techniaclities' would have been a better word."--Evening Paper.
We hate to contradict a lady, but we cannot agree.
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[Illustration: Aggrieved Profiteeress (studying photographs of the Peerage). "WELL, I DON'T SEE AS THEY'VE ANY CALL TO LOOK THAT 'AUGHTY. LIKE AS NOT ME AN' YOU'D BE WEARIN' CORONETS THIS MINUTE IF ALL OUR ANCESTORS 'ADN'T A-BEEN CUT OFF IN THE WARS OF THE ROSES, OR SOMETHINK."]
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WORKING FOR PEACE.
(Extracts from the Diary of Mr. John Robert Boffkins, Trade Union Leader.)
Monday.--Rose with a heart over-flowing with love towards my fellow-men. Industrial strife must cease. Strikes are a barbarous and futile method of redressing wrong. Rather think that an increase in wages of two shillings a day would appeal to our members. Must inquire.
Tuesday.--Have confirmed my opinion that a two-shillings' increase would appeal to our members. They all seem enthusiastic over the suggestion. They appear to be under the impression that the idea is their own. It is not. It is mine. If it materialises I shall be most popular. But I am all for peace. A strike is out of the question. I shall spare no effort to prevent one.
Wednesday.--Presented formal demand to employers to-day. Told our members they must be firm to the bitter end. The two-shillings' increase is their strict due, and, if we present a united