Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 8

to the Royal Naval Exhibition at Chelsea.
Answer. I have. I was induced to make the journey by an advertising placard posted on two official boards outside the Admiralty.
_Q._ What was your first impression on reaching the grounds usually open to the public, but now reserved for commercial purposes?
_A._ That the Public were extremely benevolent to permit so long an infringement of their right of way and other privileges.
_Q._ After you had entered the Exhibition, what was your initial impression?
_A._ That a great number of the exhibits were not very appropriate advertisements.
_Q._ Did you see Seamen of the Royal Navy making an exhibition of themselves in the Arena?
_A._ I did; and could not help contrasting with the feebly-histrionic display the recent order in Paris forbidding the French soldiers to take part in theatrical representations.
_Q._ Was the display of these seamen of the Royal Navy particularly impressive?
_A._ No, and I fancy that some of the audience who had paid an extra sixpence to see it from the Grand Stand, were slightly disappointed.
_Q._ Besides the cutlass and gun drill, did you see these seamen (wearing Her Majesty's uniform), take part in any other performance?
_A._ I did, and for this, too, an extra sixpence was charged for the use of the Grand Stand. They waded about in a sort of tank or large bath with models of ironclads on their heads.
_Q._ So far as you could see was this last display conducive to the maintenance of strict discipline?
_A._ I should say not, the more especially as I noticed towards the close of the display that the men seemed inclined to indulge in larking.
_Q._ Has this raree show caused you to wish to enlist in the Royal Navy?
_A._ Certainly not. The gun and cutlass drill before a paying audience reminded me of The Battle of Waterloo at Astley's.
_Q._ But would you not like to join the Royal Navy, so that you might be qualified to perform in a tank?
_A._ No; for on consideration I think if I wished to do anything in the "comic water-tournament line," I could make better terms with Mr. SANGER than the Lords of the Admiralty.
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QUEER QUERIES.--POPULAR PRICES.--Would any reader inform me what is the lowest price at which wholesome a?rated waters are sold? I have been drinking some "Shadwell Seltzer, special _cuvée_," at a penny-halfpenny the syphon, and I fancy this may have something to do with my present symptoms, which include partial paralysis of the left side, violent spasms, an almost irresistible tendency to homicide, together with excruciating pain in every part of the body. My doctor says the lead in the syphons has "permeated my system." When I am better, I intend to prosecute the manufacturer. My doctor discourages the notion. He says he does not know if an action would "lie," but he is sure the manufacturer would!--TEETOTALLER.
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HELVETIAN SIXTH-CENTURY MOTTO.--"_'Tell' est La Vie!_"--en Suisse.
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[Illustration: WORK FOR THE RECESS.
MISS PARLIAMENTINA PUTS HER HOUSE IN ORDER, WITH THE ASSISTANCE OF THE COMMITTEE ON VENTILATION, ETC.]
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OFF TO MASHERLAND.
(_BY OUR OWN GRANDOLPH._)
A FEW REMINISCENCES.
[Illustration: Grandolph and the Wild Turkey.]
Begin to regret dinners on board the Grantully Castle. The other day was regretting the Amphitryon. Don't go so far back as the Albemarle-Street Amphitryon, quite satisfied with a simple Donald Currie. [_Mem._--The proverb hath much truth in it that saith, "Go farther and fare worse."] Sick of chicken. With poetic epigrammacy might say, "Quite sick Of chick." Stringy chickens, too! One has to tug at them; sort of game of "poulet-hauly"--as DRUMMY would say. Though were he here, I doubt if he would say anything. He certainly would eat nothing: probably would only open his mouth to observe, "I'm off!" and then we should see him no more. Quite right. So would I--but for "my oath, my Lord, my oath!" (N.B.--This is a quotation. Sure of it. Where from? Don't know. Tragedy probably; sounds tragic. No matter. Can give it with effect in a speech, and Members turn to one another and ask, "What's that from?" When they ask me confidentially afterwards, I reply with an air of intense surprise, "What! don't you know! Well!!" and I turn on my heel, leaving CHUCKLEHEAD, M.P., annoyed with himself,--"_planté là_" as DRUMMY would say,--for being so ignorant, and for having displayed his ignorance so palpably. Off he goes to British Museum and searches for quotation. This gives him opportunity of acquiring much useful knowledge, which, but for me, he would not have had. Rather a long parenthesis this. So--on we goes again.)
TO THE MINES.
_à propos_ of exploring, the other day, a digger's assistant came up to me and inquired "If I had," as I understood him, "my gin pack'd." I returned that I never took spirits. Found out