Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 6

Because his

daughter was presented with a set of the Prince Albert Quadrilles. 5.
Because the candidate promised to stand godfather to his last infant,
and the like. 2nd. He that voteth according to PRINCIPLE, which is
divisible into 1st. He whose principles are HEREDITARY, as 1. He
who voteth on one side because his father always voted on the same. 2.
Because the "Wrong-heads" and the like had always sat for the county.
3. Because he hath kindred with an ancient political hero, such as Jack
Cade, Hampden, the Pretender, &c., and so must maintain his principle.
4. Because his mother quartereth the Arms of the candidate, and the
like. 2nd. He whose principles are CONVENTIONAL, as 1. He who
voteth because the candidate keepeth a pack of hounds. 2. Because he
was once insulted by a scoundrel of the same name as the opposite
candidate. 3. Because the candidate is of a noble family. 4. Because the
candidate laid the first brick of Zion Chapel, and the like. 5. Because he
knoweth the candidate's cousin. 6. Because the candidate directed to
him--"Esq." 3rd. He whose principles are PHILOSOPHICAL, which
may be considered as 1st. He that is IMPARTIAL, as 1. He that voteth
on both sides. 2. Because he tossed up with himself. 3. He who loveth
the majority and therefore voteth for him who hath most votes. 4.
Because he is asked to vote one way, and so voteth the other, to show
that he is not influenced. 5. Because he hateth the multitude, and so
voteth against the popular candidate. 2nd. He that is INDEPENDENT,
as 1. He who cannot be trusted. 2. He who taketh money from one side,
and voteth on the other. 3. He who is not worth bribing. 4. He who
voteth against his own opinion, because his letter was not answered. 5.
He who, being promised a place last election, was deceived, and the
like. 2nd. He that voteth ACCIDENTALLY, which is divisible into 1st.
He that voteth through the BLUNDERS OF HIMSELF, which may be
considered as 1. He who is drunk, and forgetteth who gave him the
bribe. 2. He who goeth to the wrong agent, who leadeth him astray. 3.
He who is confused and giveth the wrong name. 4. He who is bashful,
and assenteth to any name suggested. 5. He who promiseth both parties,
and voteth for all the candidates, and the like. 2nd. He that voteth
through the BLUNDERS OF OTHERS, which may be considered as 1.
He who is mistaken for his servant when he is canvassed, and so
incensed into voting the opposite way. 2. He who is attempted to be
bribed before many people, and so outraged into honesty. 3. He who

hath too much court paid by the canvasser to his wife, and so, out of
jealousy, voteth for the opposite candidate. 4. He who is called down
from dinner to be canvassed, and being enraged thereat, voteth against
his conviction. 5. He who bringeth the fourth seat in a hackney-coach
to him who keepeth a carriage and the like.
* * * * *
THE PROFESSIONAL SINGER
Have any of PUNCH'S readers ever met one of the above _genus_--or
rather, have they not? They must; for the race is imbued with the most
persevering hic et ubique powers. Like the old mole, these Truepennies
"work i' th' dark:" at the Theatres, the Opera, the Coal Hole, the Cider
Cellars, and the whole of the Grecian, Roman, British, Cambrian, Eagle,
Lion, Apollo, Domestic, Foreign, Zoological, and Mythological
Saloons, they "most do congregate." Once set your eyes upon them,
once become acquainted with their habits and manners, and then
mistake them if you can. They are themselves, alone: like the London
dustmen, the Nemarket jockeys, the peripatetic venders, or buyers of
"old clo'," or the Albert continuations at _one pound one_, they appear
to be made to measure for the same. We must now describe them (to
speak theatrically) with decorations, scenes, and properties! The
entirely new dresses of a theatre are like the habiliments of the
professional singer, i.e. neither one nor the other ever _were entirely
new_, and never will be allowed to grow entirely old. The
double-milled Saxony of these worthies is generally very blue or very
brown; the cut whereof sets a man of a contemplative turn of mind
wondering at what precise date those tails were worn, and vainly
speculating on the probabilities of their being fearfully indigestible, as
that alone could to long have kept them from Time's remorseless maw.
The collars are always velvet, and always greasy. There is a slight
ostentation manifested in the seams, the stitches whereof are so
apparent as to induce the beholders to believe they must have been the
handiwork of some