Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 2

the hair dry without making the fair bather look "a fright." Hooray! SABRINA herself might shout for such an invention, which even the Nereids need not despise. DIZZY once sarcastically referred to certain "Bathing W(h)igs," but they were of another sort. Not even the most adventurous Tory could "steal the clothes" of our latter day "Bathing Wigs."
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[Illustration: "FINE SALMON YOU'VE GOT THERE, POULTER!"--"SIXTY-FIVE POUNDS, MY LORD! SHALL I SEND IT HOME TO YOUR LORDSHIP?"--"WELL--ER--LOOK HERE! JUST CUT ME HALF A POUND OUT OF THE MIDDLE THERE, AND GIVE IT ME IN A PIECE OF PAPER!"]
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THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS.
NO. VII.
SCENE--_A Second-Class Compartment on the line between Wurzburg and Nuremberg. PODBURY has been dull and depressed all day, not having recovered from the parting with Miss TROTTER. CULCHARD, on the contrary, is almost ostentatiously cheerful. PODBURY is intensely anxious to find out how far his spirits are genuine, but--partly from shyness, and partly because some of their fellow travellers have been English--he has hesitated to introduce the subject. At last, however, they are alone, and he is determined to have it out on the very first opportunity._
[Illustration: "Puts me in mind o' the best part o' Box 'Ill."]
Culchard. Abominably slow train, this _Schnell-zug_. I hope we shall get to Nuremberg before it's too dark to see the general effect.
Podbury. We're not likely to be in time for _table d'h?te_--not that _I'm_ peckish. (_He sighs._) Wonder whereabouts the--the TROTTERS have got to by now, eh?
[_He feels he is getting red, and hums the Garden Scene from "Faust."_]
_Culch._ (_indifferently_). Oh, let me see--just arriving at St. Moritz, I expect. Wonderful effect of colour, that is. [_He indicates the West, where a bar of crimson is flaming between a belt of firs._
_Podb._ (_absently_). Oh, wonderful!--where? (_Hums a snatch of a waltz._) Dum-dum-diddle-um-tum-dum-dum-dum-ty-doodle; dum-dum--I say, you don't seem particularly cut up?
_Culch._ Cut up? Why should I be cut up, my dear fellow?--about what?
[_Before PODBURY can explain, two Talkative British Tourists tumble up into the compartment, and he has to control his curiosity once more._
_First T.T._ Well, I 'ope we're all right now, SAM, I'm sure--these German jokers have chivied us about enough for one journey! (_To CULCHARD._) Not in your way, this 'at-box, Sir? Don't give yer much space in these foreign trains. (_They settle down and the train starts._) Pretty bit o' country along 'ere!--puts me in mind o' the best part o' Box 'Ill--and I can't say more for it than that!
_Second T.T._ (_a little man with a sandy fringe and boiled-looking eyes_). What I notice about the country abroad is they don't seem to 'ave no landmarks.
_First T.T._ (_with a dash of friendly contempt_). What d'yer mean--no landmarks--_signposts_?
_Second T.T._ (_with dignity_). I mean to say, they don't 'ave nothing to indicate which is JACK's property, and which is JOE's.
_First T.T._ Go on--they've as much as what we 'ave.
_Second T.T._ _'Ave_ they? We 'ave fences and 'edges. I don't see none _'ere_. P'raps you'll point me out one?
_First T.T._ There's precious few 'edges or fences in the Isle o' Thanet, as you'd know if you've ever been to Margit.
_Second T.T._ (_loftily_). I'm not talkin' about Margit now. I'm talkin' of 'ere, and I'll trouble you to show me a landmark.
_First T.T._ Depend on it they've their own ways of knowing which is 'oo's.
_Second T.T._ That's not what I'm _sayin'_. I'm sayin' there ain't nothing to indicate it. [_They argue the point at length._]
_Podb._ (_to CULCHARD_). Then you really aren't cut up--about Miss T. you know?
_Culch._ (_with the reserve of a man who only wants to be pressed_). There is no reason that I am aware of, why I should be--but (_lowering his voice_) don't you think we had better wait till we are alone to discuss that subject?
_Podb._ Oh, all right. I'm not partic--at least. Well, I'm glad you _aren't_, you know, that's all.
[_He becomes silent again--but his face brightens visibly._
_First T.T._ (_to Second Do._). See that field there? That's tobacco, that is.
_Second T.T._ What they make their penny smokes of. (_The train enters a station._) What funny engines they do 'ave 'ere! I expect the guard'll be wanting to see our billyetts again next. It's as bad as it used to be with the passports. I've 'eard--mind yer, I don't know 'ow much likeli'ood there is in the assertion--that they're going to bring 'em in again. Most intricate they were about them. (_To CULCHARD._) Why, if you'll believe me, a friend o' mine as 'ad one--well, they got 'is description down to a ioter! He'd a cast in 'is eye,--they put it down, and a pimple you'd 'ardly notice--but down that went!
_First T.T._ It's no use 'aving such things if they don't do it thoroughly.
_Second T.T._ (_irrelevantly_). I wish I 'adn't 'ad that glass o' peach