Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 5

country for a holiday, and the like. 2nd. He
that FORFEITETH his vote, which is divisible into 1. He who is too
great a philosopher to care for his country. 2. He who has not been
solicited. 3. He who drinketh so that he cannot go to the poll. 4. He
who is too drunk to speak at the poll. 5. He who through over-zeal
getteth his head broken. 6. He who stayeth to finish the bottle, and is
too late, and the like.
3rd. He that hath A VOTE AND VOTETH; which is divisible into 1st.
He that voteth INTENTIONALLY, which is divisible into 1st. He that
voteth CORRUPTLY, which is divisible into 1st. He that is BRIBED,
which is divisible into 1st. He that is bribed DIRECTLY, which is
divisible into 1st. He that receiveth MONEY, which may be considered
as 1. He that pretendeth the money is due to him. 2. He that pretendeth
it is lent. 3. He who receiveth it as alms. 4. He who receiveth it as the
price of a venerated tobacco-pipe, a piece of Irish bacon, and the like.
2nd. He that seeketh PLACE, which may be considered as 1. He who
asketh for a high situation, as a judgeship in Botany Bay, or a bishopric
in Sierra Leone, and the like. 2. He who asketh for a low situation, as a
ticket-porter, curate, and the like. 3. He who asketh for any situation he
can get, as Secretary to the Admiralty, policeman, revising barrister,
turnkey, chaplain, mail-coach guard, and the like. 3rd. He that taketh
DRINK, which may be considered as 1. He that voteth for Walker's
Gooseberry, or Elector's Sparkling Champagne. 2. For sloe-juice, or
Elector's fine old crusted Port. 3. He who voteth for Brett's British
Brandy, or Elector's real French Cognac. 4. He who voteth for quassia,
molasses, copperas, _coculus Indicus_, Spanish juice, or Elector's Extra
Double Stout. 2nd. He that is bribed INDIRECTLY, as 1. He who is
promised a government contract for wax, wafers, or the like. 2. He who
getteth a contract, for paupers' clothing, building unions, and the like. 3.

He who furnisheth the barouches-and-four for the independent 40s.
freeholders. 4. He who is presented with cigars, snuffs,
meerschaum-pipes, haunches of venison, Stilton-cheeses, fresh pork,
pine-apples, early peas, and the like. 2nd. He that is INTIMIDATED,
as 1. By his landlord, who soliciteth back rent, or giveth him notice to
quit. 2. By his patron, who sayeth they of the opposite politics cannot
be trusted. 3. By his master, who sayeth he keepeth no viper of an
opposite opinion in his employ. 4. By his wife, who will have her own
way in hysterics. 5. By his intended bride, who talketh of men of spirit
and Gretna Green. 6. By a rich customer, who sendeth back his goods,
and biddeth him be d--d. 3rd. He that is VOLUNTARILY CORRUPT,
which may be considered as 1. He who voteth from the hope that his
party will provide him a place. 2. He who voteth to please one who can
leave him a legacy. 3. He who voteth to get into genteel society. 4. He
who voteth according as he hath taken the odds. 5. He who, being a
schoolmaster, voteth for the candidate with a large family. 6. He who
voteth in hopes posterity may think him a patriot. 2nd. He that voteth
CONSCIENTIOUSLY, which is divisible into 1st. He that voteth
according to HUMBUG, which is divisible into 1st. He that is
POLITICALLY humbugged, which is divisible into 1st. He has SOME
BRAINS, as 1. He who believeth taxes will be taken off. 2. He who
believeth wages will be raised. 3. He who thinketh trade will be
increased. 4. He who studieth political economy. 5. He who readeth
newspapers, reviews, and magazines, and listeneth to lectures, and the
like. 2nd. He that has NO BRAINS, as 1. He who voteth to support "the
glorious Constitution," and maintain "the envy of surrounding nations."
2. He who believeth the less the taxation the greater the revenue. 3. He
who attendeth the Crown and Anchor meetings, and the like. 2nd. He
that is MORALLY humbugged, as 1. He who thinketh the Millennium
and the Rads will come in together. 2. He who thinketh that the Whigs
are patriots. 3. That the Tories love the poor. 4. That the member
troubleth himself solely for the good of his country. 5. That the unions
are popular with the paupers, and the like. 3rd. He that is
DOMESTICALLY humbugged, as 1. He who voteth because the
candidate's ribbons suit his wife's complexion. 2. Because his wife was
addressed as his daughter by the canvasser. 3. Because his wife had the
candidate's carriage to make calls in, and the like. 4.