Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 3

wine where we changed last. (A Guard _appears at the window, and makes some guttural comments on the couple's tickets._) Wechseln? Why, that means wash, don't it? I'm as clean as him, anyway. "Anshteigen,"--ah, I ought to know what that means by this time! SAM, my boy, we're bundled out again. I told yer 'ow it would be!
[_They tumble out, and the carriage is presently filled by an assortment of Germans, including a lively and sociable little Cripple with a new drinking-mug which he has just had filled with lager, and a Lady with pale hair and sentimental blue eyes._
_Podb._ We can talk all right now, eh? They won't understand. Look here, old fellow, I don't mind owning _I'm_ rather down in the mouth about--you know what. I shouldn't care so much if there was any chance of our coming across them again.
_Culch._ (_cordially_). I am very glad to hear you say so. I was rather afraid you had taken a dislike--er--in that quarter.
_Podb._ I?--is it likely! I--I admire her awfully, you know, only she rather seemed to snub me lately.
_Culch._ (_with patronising reassurance_). Quite a mistake on your part, I assure you, my dear fellow. I am sure she will learn to appreciate you--er--fully when you meet again, which, I may tell you, will be at no very distant date. I happen to know that she will be at the Italian Lakes early next month, and so shall we, if you let me manage this tour my own way.
_Podb._ (_with surprise and gratitude_). I say, old boy, I'd no notion you were such a nailing good chap! Nein, danky. (_To the little Cripple, who is cheerily inviting him, in pantomime, to drink from his mug._) Cheeky little beggar. But do you really think anything will--er--come of it, if we do meet her again--do you now?
_Culch._ I--ah--have the best reasons for feeling tolerably certain of it. [_He looks out of window and smiles._
_Podb._ But that cousin of hers--CHARLEY, you know--how about _him_?
_Culch._ I put that to her, and there is nothing in it. In fact, she practically admitted--(_He glances round and lowers his voice._) I will tell you another time. That lady over there is looking at us, and I'm almost certain--
_Podb._ What if she is, she don't understand a word we're saying. I want to hear all about Her, you know.
_Culch._ My dear PODBURY, we shall have ample time to talk about her while we are at Nuremberg together--it will be the greatest pleasure to me to do so as long as ever you please.
_Podb._ Thanks, old chap! I'd no idea you were doing all this, you know. But just tell me this, what did she say about me?
_Culch._ (_mystified_). About you? I really don't recollect that she mentioned you particularly.
_Podb._ (_puzzled_). But I thought you said you'd been speaking up for me! What did you talk about then?
_Culch._ Well, about myself--naturally. [_He settles his collar with a vague satisfaction._
_Podb._ (_blankly_). Oh! Then you haven't been arranging to meet her again on my account?
_Culch._ Good Heavens, no--what a very grotesque idea of yours, my dear fellow! [_He laughs gently._
_Podb._ Is it? You always gave out that she wasn't your style at all, and you only regarded her as a "study," and rot like that. How could I tell you would go and cut me out?
_Culch._ I don't deny that she occasionally--er--jarred. She is a little deficient in surface refinement--but that will come, that will come. And as to "cutting you out," why, you must allow you never had the remotest--
_Podb._ I don't allow anything of the sort. She liked me well enough till--till you came in and set her against me, and you may think it friendly if you like, but I call it shabby--confoundedly shabby.
_Culch._ Don't talk so loud, I'm sure I saw that woman smile!
_Podb._ She may smile her head off for all I care. (_The train stops; the Cripple and all but the Pale-haired Lady get out_.) Here we are at Nuremberg. What hotel did you say you are going to?
_Culch._ The Bayrischer-Hof. Why?
[_He gets his coat and sticks, &c., out of the rack._
_Podb._ Because I shall go to some other, that's all.
_Culch._ (_in dismay_). My dear PODBURY. this is really too childish! There's no sense in travelling together, if we're going to stay at different hotels!
_Podb._ I'm not sure I shall go any further. Anyway, while I am here, I prefer to keep to myself.
_Culch._ (_with a displeased laugh_). Just as you please. It's a matter of perfect indifference to me. I'm afraid you'll be terribly bored by yourself, though.
_Podb._ That's my look out. It can't be worse than going about with you and listening while you crow and drivel about her, that's one comfort! [_The Pale-haired Lady coughs in a suspicious manner_.
_Culch._ You don't