Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 2

blunder, but it can be easily remedied. Ah! the Secretary of State for War! (_Enter that official_) Well, Mr. STANHOPE, and how do you like the new purchase?
War Minister (_after, a glance at the canvas_). Tol lol. But come, I say, come; the Iron Duke never wore a hat like _that_! And, I say, as it isn't raining, why has he put up his umbrella? In the cause of historical accuracy that should not be allowed. [_Exit._
Pres. (_drily_). I am afraid our friend will have enough to do. (_Enter the remainder of the Cabinet together_). Well, Gentlemen--hope you approve of our purchase?
Remainder (_together_). Not at all. You should have only bought the frame! [_Scene closes in on the consideration of this new point._
* * * * *
[Illustration: "MANNING THE (BACK-)YARDS."
CHELSEA, JUNE, 1891. FOUR BELL(E)S.]
* * * * *
MR. PUNCH EXPLAINS.
[_Last week Mr. Punch congratulated King HENRY'S "holy shade" on the Four-hundredth Anniversary of the Foundation of Eton College._]
To _Mr. Punch's_ friends, who think he blundered, In thinking Eton's years were just four hundred, And acted quite in error when he paid Congratulations to King HENRY'S "shade," A word of explanation now is due, To show how what he stated then was true. The word is this--that fifty years have now Elapsed since _Mr. Punch_ first made his bow; And though since then with many friends he's parted, Himself he is as young as when he started. Just fifty years ago it now appears That fair Etona claimed four hundred years. Ungallant it had been if one had told her That _Mr. Punch_ kept young whilst she grew older! Yet if it is indeed the Fourth Centenary Or Jubilee the Ninth since holy 'ENERY Became the founder of a Royal College-- Well, _Mr. Punch_ prefers to have no knowledge. He only does not know--has never known a More worthy toast than "_Floreat Etona!_"
* * * * *
THE NEW CRUSADERS.
["Kaiser Wilhelm, according to a Berlin Journal, has given his consent to a lottery being instituted throughout the Empire 'for combating the slave trade in Africa.' Tickets to the amount of eight millions of marks will be issued, five and a half millions of which will be devoted to prizes."--Daily Telegraph Berlin Correspondent.]
KNIGHTS-ERRANT of earth's earlier days, Might learn from WILHELM KAISER. They risked their lives in Paynim frays, We moderns have grown wiser. 'Tis not enough by Big Bazaars To buttress Churches tottery; We, with the dice "financing" wars, Conduct Crusades--by Lottery!
* * * * *
LIVE AND LEARN.--Mr. PARKINSON will now probably admit that the foolish process known as "breaking a butterfly on a wheel" may bring the breaker woe.
* * * * *
SHAKSPEARE AND NORTH, NOT CHRISTOPHER.
[Illustration: C-l-n-l N-rth as Falstaff. L-rd C-l-r-dge as _Lord Chief Justice. Henry the Fourth_,
Part II., Act ii., Sc.]
Colonel NORTH is popularly supposed to have been the architect of his own fortune, but he doesn't seem to have profited much by his architectural knowledge when applied to house-building. The burly Colonel--we forget at this moment what regiment is under his distinguished command--has met many a great personage in his time, but, like the eminent barbarian who encountered a Christian Archbishop for the first time--St. Ambrose, we rather think it was, but no matter--our bold Colonel had to climb down a bit on coming face to face with the Lord Chief Justice of England. What a cast for a scene out of _Henry the Fourth! Falstaff_, Colonel NORTH, and My Lord COLERIDGE for the Lord Chief Justice. The scene might be
Part II.,
Act ii., Scene 1, when the Lord Chief says to _Sir John_, "You speak as having power to do wrong; but answer, in the effect of your reputation, and satisfy the poor woman,"--only for "woman," read "architect." Curious that the name of GAMBLE should be the pre-surname of Mister Colonel NORTH'S brother. What's in a name? Yet there's a good deal in the sound and look of GAMBLE NORTH, especially when up before the Lord Chief, who must quite recently have got hold of quite a little library of useful knowledge. Also odd that most of Mr. NORTH'S money seems to have been made in the South. But "A 1," that is, the architect, won, and the gallant Mister Colonel, or Colonel Mister, left the Court, feeling comparatively A-Norther man. Never mind, even the Millionairey Colonel can't always be lucky.
* * * * *
MR. PUNCH'S QUOTATION BOOK.
I.--FOR INFERIOR CHAMPAGNE.
'How mad and bad and sad it was-- But then, how it was sweet!"--BROWNING.
II.--FOR MR. GLADSTONE.
"Et longa canoros Dant per colla modos."--VIRGIL.
III.--FOR THE NEW BISHOP OF LICHFIELD.
"Gaiter.--A covering for the leg."--ENGLISH DICTIONARY.
IV.--FOR A TENNIS-PLAYER, IMPRISONED BY BAD WEATHER.
"They also serve who only stand and wait."--MILTON.
* * * * *
AT ST. JAMES'S HALL.--Hair PADDY REWSKI is a pianofortist up to the time and tune of day. Knowing that _L'Enfant