Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 6

less appreciative; but debate must be kept up, and he joined in the hue and cry with which Mediocrity resented this fresh and original way of treating things. Even CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN shook his head. "It is brilliant," he said, "but it is not discretion."
_Business done._--A good deal.
_Thursday._--Government met with awkward defeat on Factories Bill. Not quite certain to whom they chiefly owe it, whether to GORST or MATTHEWS. Question arose on SYDNEY BUXTON's Amendment, raising the age of child-labourers to a minimum of eleven years. Debate lasted all night; a pleasant contrast to the unreality of Irish Debate; Benches crowded; audience interested; speeches practical; GORST in attendance, though doubtful whether he would speak. Usually sits in modest retirement under shadow of SPEAKER's Chair. To-night marked slight difference of opinion from his colleagues by taking up corner-seat on Treasury Bench by Gangway, quite out of reach of hand-shake from HOME SECRETARY.
[Illustration: No Relation of Prince Arthur's.]
MUNDELLA, longing to be at MATTHEWS, waiting on Front Opposition Bench; MATTHEWS, earnestly desiring collision with MUNDELLA, lingered the long night through on Treasury Bench. At last dragged into arena by JOHN MORLEY. Painfully conscious of GORST on his right hand. Why couldn't he go away? Why sit there smiling when MATTHEWS floundered, and why turn over the pages of the Blue Book with such subtle air of contradiction when MATTHEWS quoted from proceedings of Berlin Conference?
As midnight drew on, excitement increased. Uncertain how Division would go. Rumours of possible defeat of the Government; AKERS-DOUGLAS moving about smiling; therefore all must be well. House surging with excitement; movement to and fro; a buzz of conversation rising above the voice of Member addressing the Chair. Only one placid figure under the glass roof. Seated in side Gallery facing Treasury Bench was J.S. BALFOUR; (no relation of Prince ARTHUR's, _bien entendu_) Question put; Division bell rang; the bustle of eight hundred departing feet disturbed J.S.B., and, stepping carefully down from the inconveniently high Bench, he walked out to take part in the Division.
"All very well, dear TOBY," he said, "talking about eleven being the age for half-timers. Eleven seems to me about the figure at which we should knock off here. When it gets on to twelve in this hot weather, I almost feel as if I could go to sleep." _Business done._--SYDNEY BUXTON's Amendment to Factories Bill carried by 202 Votes against 186.
_Friday._--Question to-night, how would Government take their defeat of yesterday? Soon settled; at earliest moment MATTHEWS appeared at table, announced that Government "fully and cordially" accepted decision of House. It was true that they had resisted, with fullest strength, SYDNEY BUXTON's proposal. He himself, in powerful speech, had demonstrated that, if Amendment were added to the Bill, the heavens would fall, and the British Empire would stagger to its doom. But that only his play; GORST really obliged to the House for beating them, and Clause would be added to Bill. Done accordingly. Report stage of Factories' Bill run through, and Third Reading taken.
Odd thing befell the universe last week. Happening to mention in this Diary WOOTON ISAACSON, Member for Tower Hamlets, the dissolute Artist drew fancy portrait of LEWIS ISAACS, Member for Newington; labelled it from _Dod_, "A Progressive Conservative." Oddly enough, both ISAACS and ISAACSON write themselves down in Dod "A Progressive Conservative." So our Artist (occasionally quite clear-headed), got mixed up with the family; descended, so to speak, from ISAAC to ISAAC'S SON. Not quite sure to which apology is due. Just as well to mention it, so that, when the New Zealander reads his Punch a century or two hence, he may have a clear conception of the actuality. Business done.--Quite a lot.
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MORE RUSSIAN TYRANNY.--Punch is not admitted into Russia unless bound.
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"THE SHODKIN."
[In a Jewish divorce case it was alleged that the petitioner and respondent had been brought together by a "Shodkin." The Shodkin, it was explained, was a person who brought about marriages between members of the Jewish community, and was paid a fee by one or both the parties.]
"I thank thee, Jew, for teaching me that word."--Merchant of Venice.
"Give me new rhymes," the poet cries, "I want another rhyme for 'bodkin,'" And here comes dropping from the skies That comfortable word, "the Shodkin."
Long have I racked my brain for rhymes, I tried to drag in Mr. GODKIN; On Friday last I read my _Times_, _Eureka!_ down it goes--the Shodkin.
We live by verse, and how shall we This Hebrew middle-man disparage, To whom religion grants a fee, Paid by both sides, for making marriage?
Nay, Jew, we thank thee for the word, For Fate two Jews might haply sever; The busy Shodkin comes as third, And swiftly makes them one for ever.
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AN OPERATIC PUZZLE.
I had been informed that it was