Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 6

it comes to that, why should we jump at all? I know now that I really have ennobled you, which was all I wanted. What would be the good of recovering faith in my mission at the bottom of a mill-pond? No, REBECCA--(_lays his hand on her head_)--there is no judge over us, and therefore--
_Reb._ (_interrupting gravely_). We will bind ourselves over in our own recognisances to come up for judgment when called upon.
[_Madam HELSETH holds on to a chair-back, REBECCA finishes the antimacassar calmly as Curtain falls._
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A GRAND OLD WETTERUN!
I ain't bin werry well lately, and, to crown the hole, I was cort in the Lizzard, I think, as they called it, on that awful Munday nite, and that was pretty nearly a settler for both my old bones and my breth, and might ha' bin quite so, if one of the werry kindest Members of the old Copperashun as I nos on, who had bin a dining with a jolly party on 'em, hadn't kindly directed my notise to about a harf bottle-full of werry fine old Port, with the remarkabel kind words, "That's just about what you wants, Mr. ROBERT, to take you ome safely this most orful nite!" And so it were, and I didn't waste a single drop on it.
[Illustration: The "Tipper's" Strike.]
However, I was obligated to have a good long rest, which I took out mostly in sleep; but, jest as I was preparing to set out for the "Grand Hotel," in comes my Son; and he says to me, "Guvnor," says he--I notise as he allers calls me Guvnor when he wants me to do sumthink--"I wants you to do me the favour to ask _Mr. Punch_ for to do you a favour." "Why, what do you mean?" says I. "Why, this is what I means," says he. "About the grandest feller as ewer in the hole world gave up fifty years of his useful life to trying to make hundreds of stupid boys into clever boys, and hundreds of bad boys into good boys, and hundreds of dull boys into witty boys, is a going for to have a testymonial given him by sum of them hundreds of boys, me among 'em, to sellybrate his Jewbilly, same as the QUEEN had the other day. Ewery one of us as lives in London will jump at the chance; but the boys as he turns out from the great City of Lundon Skool is such reel fust-raters, that they gits snapped up direckly by Merchants and peeple, and sent all over the werld for to manidge their warious buzzinesses there, so we don't know how to get at 'em; but as _Mr. Punch_ goes wherever any smart, clever English chap goes, if he wood most kindly let this littel matter be mentioned, the grandest, and sucksessfullest, ay, and wittiest Skool Master of modern times wood get his dew reward."
So says my Sun, and prowd I was to lissen to his words; and this is what I can add to them from my own knowlidg. There's sum of the old boys, as isn't quite as yung as when they left Skool, as has formed a club to dine together sumtimes, and tork of old times, like senserbel fellers as they is; and Mr. JOSEPH HARRIS, the gennelman in question, is allers there, and allers has to make a speech, and I am amost allers there too; and, to hear the joyful shouts of arty welcome with which his old pupils greets him when he rises for to speak, and their roars of larfter at his wit, and his fun, and his good-humer, while he is a speaking, is so wery remarkabel, that I sumtimes wanders whether it doesn't, a good deal of it, rise from the fact of his great School being so close to _Mr. Punch's_ own horfice. But this is over the way, as the great writer says. May I be alowd to had that my speshal frend, and hewerybody's speshal frend, Mr. COOKE, is reddy to receive any number of subskripshuns at 30, New Bridge Street, E.C.
ROBERT.
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A NEW PROVIDENCE.--"My life is in your hands," as the Autobiographist said to his Publisher.
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THE JOLLY YOUNG WATERMAN.
(_LATEST VERSION; SUGGESTED BY A CASE AT THE LONDON SESSIONS._)
And did you not hear of a jolly young Waterman, Who on the river his wherry did ply? When rowing along with great skill and dexterity, A Cask of Madeira it caught his pleased eye. It looked so nice, he rowed up steadily, Transferred that cask to his boat right readily; And he eyed the dear drink with so eager an air, For the name on the cask not a jot did he care.
When smart EDDARD SAILL got