Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 2

as his predecessor resumes his seat_). And now, Sir, that my learned friends have asked you their questions, I have to ask you mine. Be kind enough to say, for the benefit of the Right Hon. Chairman and the Hon. Members of the Committee, whether, in your opinion, in the construction of the proposed line, where the road reaches the neighbourhood of--(_consulting plan_)--Market Goosebury, coloured blue in the plan, and, as you will see, runs through the--(_inspects plan closely_)--Swashbuckler Estate--yes, the Swashbuckler Estate--and comes, as you will see, if you refer to the chart, near Twaddlecomb--having now sufficiently indicated the locality, I repeat, will you be kind enough to say whether, in your opinion, the necessity of building a bridge over the River Raven--(_is prompted by Junior_)--I should say, over the River Crowe--could be avoided?
Chairman of Committee (_interposing_). I would suggest that, as this question has been answered three times, the witness be excused further examination at the hands of Counsel not present at the examination-in-chief.
_First C.-E. Q.C._ (_warmly_). I consider this an infringement of the privileges of the Bar. The Right Hon. Chairman must remember that it is possible that a single reference in the examination-in-chief may only require cross-examination on the part of the Clients whom we represent. Besides, an expert witness's examination-in-chief is very seldom shaken, and all we can possibly want is a note taken by a learned friend who has acted as a Junior. All of us are occasionally wanted elsewhere.
_Second C.-E. Q.C._ (_indignantly_). Yes; and how can we attend to our Clients' interests if we are not allowed to be in two places at once?
_Third C.-E. Q.C._ (_furiously_). You have no right to act upon an old ruling that was never enforced. Why, such a regulation would ruin us--and many of us have wives and children!
[_Exeunt defiantly, to return, later on, ready to brave imprisonment in the Clock Tower, if necessary, N.B.--Up to date the Tower is untenanted._
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"IN THE NAME OF THE LAW--PHOTOGRAPHS!"--MR. A. BRIEFLESS, Junr., having received a respectful invitation from some Brook Street Photographers to favour them (without charge) with a sitting, "to enable them to complete their series of portraits of distinguished legal gentlemen," regrets to say that, as he has already sat for another Firm making the same request (see _Papers from Pump-handle Court_), he is unable to comply with their courteous request. However, he is pleased to hear that a similar petition has been forwarded to others of his learned friends, one of whom writes to say, he "possesses a wig, and the right to wear it, but that there his connection with the Law begins and ends." Mr. A. BRIEFLESS, Junr., wishes the industrious Firm every success in their public-spirited undertaking.
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GOSCHEN CUM DIG.; OR, THE (FAR FROM) DYING SWAN.
(A LONG WAY AFTER LORD TENNYSON.)
[Illustration: "WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS RECESS IS ITS PERFECT QUIET!"]
"Were I to go further into detail, I should show you that the floodgates of (financial) abuse have been opened even to a much larger extent than I have described. We are getting into a system under which Parliament is treated, and the country is treated, to the exhibition of fictitious surpluses of revenue over expenditure."--_Mr. Gladstone (at Hastings) on Mr. Goschen's Finance._
I.
The backwater was snug and fair, And the gay Canoeist cavorted there. Thinks he, "I have built up everywhere A reputation for pluck and stay!" Amidst the reeds the river ran; Behind them floated a Grand Old Swan, And loudly did lament The better deeds of a better day; Ever the gray Canoeist went on, Making his memos. as he went.
II.
"My foes are piqued, I must suppose, But cannot see their way to a 'Cry.'" (So mused the man with the Semite nose, As up the backwater he swept.) "What I like" (said he) "in this nook so shy, Is that I am quiet, and free as a swallow, Squaring accounts at my own sweet will. With never a fear of the Big Swan's Bill! The Swan's as quiet as though he slept. I fancy I've funked the fierce old fellow!"
III.
The Grand Old Swan came out of his hole, Snorting with furious joy. Hidden by rushes he yet drew near, Behind the Canoeist, until on his ear Those snortings fell, both full and clear. Floating about the backwater shy, Stronger and stronger the shindy stole, Filling the startled Canoeist with fear; And the jubilant jobating voice, With menaces meaning and manifold, Flowed forth on a "snorter" clear and bold (As when a party-procession rejoice With drums, and trumpets, and with banners of gold), Until the Canoeist's blood ran cold, And over his paddle he crouched and rolled; And he wished himself from that nook afar (If it were but reading the evening star): And the