Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 7

is most unobliging, and expensive. I am afraid, kind Sir, you cannot help us."
"Do not say so until you have perused this scroll," he replied, with a benevolent smile, and he gave her a paper. "To-morrow, if your trustee again threatens you, and offers to retire, take him at his word. If I replace him, I will do all you wish--enter into mortgages, invest your capital to the best possible advantage, and make myself generally amiable."
"But how shall we pay you for so much kindness?" asked the now overjoyed maiden.
"By a tariff fixed by the Government. It will be my duty to do my best for you, and I shall have no personal interest in running up costs like the common (or garden) kind of family Solicitor."
So the next day, when the lawyer began to threaten to resign, the orphans took him at his word, and all that the nice-looking old gentleman had foretold came to pass. And when the orphans were getting the best possible interest for their money, at a trifling expense, the maiden looked at the scroll which had been given to her, and found it was inscribed, "The Public Trustee Act."
And, so far as the lawyer, who had been discarded, knew (or cared), the maiden and her brother lived happily ever afterwards.
* * * * *
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
More about DICKENS. By the loving hand of PERCY FITZGERALD the Bookmaker,--not sporting, but literary. Of making books, with PERCY FITZ there is no end. He is the king of the Bookmakers, Per se Fitz. This time it is the _History of the Posthumous Papers of the Pickwick Club_, published by CHAPMAN AND HALL, and "inscribed"--why not "dedicated?"--to HENRY FIELDING DICKENS, son of "The Only One," the Master. _Interesting?_ Of course it is, anything about DICKENS, specially in connection with the immortal _Pickwick_, must be interesting, and for chatty, gossiping bookmaking we only say, "Give us Fitz." He is to the manor born. He is neither romancer nor poet: "poeta nascitur non 'Fitz.'" Occasionally FITZ is aggravatingly reticent. For instance, at page 16 we read, "_Two or three years ago_"--which? two or three?--"_a curious and amusing coincidence brought the author's son, a barrister in good practice_"--Which son? His name? There were more sons than one: were they all barristers? And was this one the only one in good practice?--"_into connection with his father's famous book. It occurred at a trial on the Circuit._" Which Circuit? Which is "the Circuit"? The Baron, who is now the Last of the Barons but one, only asks because the phrase "on Circuit" would not have required his query; but "on the Circuit" is another pair of shoes. "A trial." What trial? When? At p. 17, "_The Judge entered into the humour of the thing_"--what Judge? The Baron is of opinion that in the well-known advertisement about the Waverley Pen, quoted in a note at p. 25, the correct order should be, "_The Pickwick, the Owl, and the Waverley Pen_"--not Pickwick last. Did CHARLES DICKENS ever write to FORSTER that he was "_getting on like a house o' fire"?_ Surely this should be a "house a-fire," or "a house on fire"; for a "house o' fire" means a "house of fire," which is not what the expression is intended to convey. At p. 51, in a note, FITZ says, "'_Phiz, Whizz,' or something of that kind, was_ T. HOOD's joke." Was it? If so, where does the joke come in?
[Illustration]
My friend, the late GEORGE ROSE, better known as "ARTHUR SKETCHLEY," used to say that DICKENS took Sam Weller from (as I understood him) a character in one of O'KEEFE's comedies. This statement was given on the authority of Mr. BAYLE BERNARD. But I am bound to say I can find nothing like Sam in O'KEEFE's; but I have found DICKENS there bodily. It is in Sc. 1, Act I. of _Life's Vagaries; or, The Neglected Son._ "'Oh!' exclaims FANNY, 'if my papa was to see me--oh!' (Seeing DICKENS, _runs; he stops her._)" And, oddly enough, in this edition of 1798, frequently as the above-mentioned character appears, it is "on this occasion only" that the name is spelt with an "E."
Mr. FITZGERALD, at p. 136 of this book, says, that an actor named SAM VALE, appearing as _Simon Splatterdash_, in a piece called _The Boarding-House_, was in the habit of "interlarding his conversation with metaphorical illustrations"--and then follow the examples. _The Boarding-House_, however, is not by O'KEEFE, but, as appears from a note in _Sketches by Boz_, was being performed when DICKENS's short tale of _The Boarding-House_ appeared. For my part, I long ago came to the conclusion that Sam Weller was absolutely an original creation, as far, that is, as anything outside the immaterial realms of fancy and fairyland can be an original creation. Our