Punch, Or The London Charivari

Punch, Or The London
Charivari, Vol. 100

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100,
March 21, 1891, by Various This eBook is for the use of anyone
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Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100, March 21, 1891
Author: Various
Release Date: August 24, 2004 [EBook #13269]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
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PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
VOL. 100.

March 21, 1891.

MY LADY.
She is not fair to outward view As many maidens be; (And into such a
rage she flew On learning this from me;) And yet she's lovely, nay
divine, Judged by her own peculiar line.
She's deeply read. She knows as much As average sixth-form boys; But
not the greatest sage could touch The high, aggressive joys That imp
her wing, like bird of prey, When in my dates I go astray.
Not only learning's pure serene Her soaring mind can charm; The
tradesman, shrinking from a scene, Regards her with alarm, And many
a 'bus conductor owns The pow'r of her metallic tones.
Contentiously content, she takes Her strident way through life, And
goodness only knows what makes Her choose to be my wife. Courage,
poor heart! Thy yearnings stifle. She's not a girl with whom to trifle.
* * * * *
KENSINGTON CORRESPONDENCE.
I.
[Illustration]
Instead of the Sub-Kensington Gardens Railway scheme as proposed,
why not a Sub-Serpentine Line? Start it from the South Kensington
Station, District-cum-Metropolitan system, run it with one station
well-underground in the middle of Exhibition Road, whence an easy
ascent to the Imperial Exhibition, when passengers would come up to
"carp the vital airs," then right away again, branching off left and right,
thus bringing the mild Southerners into rapid, easy communication, at
all reasonable hours, and at reasonable prices, with the rugged denizens
of the Northern districts, East and West. If Kensington Gardens are to
be touched at all--and, not being sacred groves, there is no reason why
they should not be, _faute de mieux_--a transverse tunnelling from
Kensington High Street to Queen's Road would do the trick. We will be
happy to render any assistance in our power, and are,--Yours truly,
WILL HONEYCOMB, MOLE, FERRET & CO.,
(_Burrow-Knights_.)
II.
O sir,--Pleese don't let us ave no nasty railwaies and tunels in Kinsinton
Gardins, were we now are so skludid, and the childern can play about,
an no danger from nothink sep dogs, wich is mosley musseled, or led
with a string, an we ain't trubbled about them, an can ave a word to say

to a frend, or a cuzzin, you unnerstan, unner the treeses, so nice an
quite, wich it wold not be wen disterbd by ingins, an smoke, skreeges,
an steem-wizzels. O, _Mr. P._, don't let um do it.
Yours obeegentlee, SARA JANE, (Unner Nursrymade.)
III.
Sir,--The Railway underneath Kensington Gardens won't be noticed if
only taken down deep enough below the surface. No blow-holes, of
course. No disfigurement. Take it under the centre path, _where there
are no trees_, then turn to the left outside the gate and burrow away to
S. Kensington Station. I can then get across the park in three minutes
for a penny; and now I have to walk, for which I haven't the time, or
take a cab, for which I haven't the money.
Yours, A PRACTICAL PAUPER.
IV.
Sir,--I take this opportunity of pointing out that if anything at all is to
be done with Kensington Gardens, _why not make a real good Rotten
Row there?_ That would he a blessing and a convenience. We're all so
sick and tired of that squirrel-in-a-cage ride, round and round Hyde
Park, and that half-and-half affair in St. James's Park. No, Sir; now's the
time, and now's the hour. There's plenty of space for all equestrian
wants, without interfering with the sylvan delights of nurserymaids,
children, lovers of nature, and all sorts of lovers too. For my part, if this
is not put forward as an alternative scheme, I shall vote for tunnelling
under the Gardens out of simple cussedness. If the reply, authoritatively
given, be that the two schemes can go and must go together, then I will
vote for both, only let's have the equestrian arrangement first.
Yours, JOLTIN TROTT,
_Mount, Street, W, Captain 1st Lights and Liver Brigade_.
* * * * *
THE TRIUMPH OF BLACK AND WHITE.
"After all, the best of KEENE's life-work is to be found in the
innumerable