Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 8

who are sweet on that leggy colt, _Labour_, Would like a new "mount," if they dared to speak out. There isn't a man of 'em quite trusts his neighbour, Home Rule with BILL up! That inspires 'em with doubt! (Ask H-RC-RT or R-S-B-RY--on the Q.T., Sir.) The Old Jock is obstinate, new 'uns can't ride. Funk M-RL-Y, or L-BBY and that lot! Not _me_, Sir! I tell you the chances are all on our side. _Mr. Punch_. Well, luck goes with them who're not shirkers or shrinkers. Ah! here comes your crack--rather restive, I fear. By Jove, are you going to run him in blinkers? And who's your new Jock? His seat seems a bit queer. Trainer. Well, Sir, don't you see, it's just this way. He's borrowed, That Jock is; a wonderful pet of Brum JOE's Must work with his Party; some of us have sorrowed To make such close pals of such reglar old foes; The horse don't half like him, I'm bound to admit it, Between you and me I don't like it myself, For me and dear JOSEPH have not always hit it. But then, he stands in; we must look to the pelf; Can't afford to offend him, our Stable can't--blow it! Eh! What? You have heard me disparage Boy Bill As too Free in his ways by long chalks. Well, I know it; But JOE is dead nuts on his go and his skill-- The Blinkers? Oh yes! Horse not used to him yet, Sir, And if he should spot him, might throw the young pup-- We must "go it blind," only square chance, you bet, Sir, Of winning,--espesh'lly with JOE's jockey up!
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[Illustration C100-259: "GENERAL ELECTION STAKES."
MR. P. "WHAT! RUNNING HIM IN BLINKERS?"
G-SCH-N (_Trainer_). "YES; IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE OF A WIN.--ESPECIALLY WITH THAT JOCKEY UP!"]
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[Illustration: IT'S A GREAT THING FOR A MAN TO KNOW WHEN HE'S WELL OFF.]
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SALISBURY'S VERSION.
(_SEE THE PREMIER'S SPEECH AT GLASGOW._)
War is a game Which, if Kings have their will, Peoples won't play at.
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"FRENCH AS SHE IS SPOKE."--The indefatigable international _entrepreneur_, Mr. M.L. MAYER,--who announces himself as "Sole Manager," evidently, therefore, a fishmonger, and, according to _Hamlet_, a representatively "honest man,"--intends to save Londoners the trouble and expense of visiting Paris by giving them three weeks, from June 15th to July 4th, of French plays, performed by the Théatre Fran?ais Company, including Mesdames REICHENBERG and DUDLEY, three COQUELINS, one FEBVRE, and one MOUNET SULLY, at the Royalty Theatre. Those whose hobby is the French Theatre, will be delighted to assist at the start of the well-trained MAYER, who has achieved the curious feat of "saddling himself" with this responsibility.
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PARLIAMENTARY DIAGNOSIS.--"Inflammation"--of temper--is the preliminary of "Congestion"--of business, and these threaten to culminate in "Collapse"--of credit.
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LEAVES FROM A CANDIDATE'S DIARY.
_May 13th._--Expenses keep mounting up. On Saturday received a letter from BLISSOP (Secretary of the Association), stating that it was deemed necessary to take a new Committee-room in Main Street, and asking me if they might draw on me for the cost of furnishing it, a matter of about ￡15. Replied that I must take time to consider whether such expenditure was proper. Three more charitable institutions claim me as an annual subscriber, and the Billsbury Free Hospital Committee have informed me that CHUBSON always gives them ￡10 a year. Have had to do ditto.
_May 14th._--Had an extraordinary letter from VULLIAMY this morning. He is staying at Billsbury--but the letter explains itself. Here it is:--
MY DEAR PATTLE, (_Confidential._)
I am asked to let you know that a Committee Meeting has been called for Friday 16th, and it is hoped that, at all costs, you will make it convenient to attend. You know how great an interest I have always taken in your career. I have always told you that any experience I may have gained in electioneering matters (and I have been at it for about twenty years now) is entirely at your service. You will therefore forgive me if I speak quite frankly to you on some questions which intimately concern your Candidature. I don't meet you as often as I should wish, and I am therefore impelled to write to you on matters which require your serious consideration, and on which you ought to be prepared to make a definite statement on Friday next. I have used the opportunity of my stay here to see how the land lay with regard to you. Hitherto you have done very well, but mere public meetings will not win an election, and you must make up your mind ere very long to come and stay here, so as to canvass each ward, under the guidance of the proper "officers."
Then there is