Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 7

COACHMAN smokes his pipe on His accustomed throne of pride,
And, through driving, keeps an eye 'pon All the revellers inside. Mrs.
COACHMAN there is seated; Children twain are on her lapped, Who
alternately are treated, And alternately are slapped.

While the painters haunt your mansion, And you're "_H_up" "The
_H_alps" or "Rhind," Your domestics find expansion In diversions of
the kind; And on such a day as this is, They will drink the health at
Kew, Of "The Master and the Missis, And their bloomin' kerridge too!"
* * * * *
THE PALLIUM AND ARCHIEPISCOPAL OATH CONTROVERSY
IN THE "TIMES."--No wonder this is a very dry subject, when they've
got such a strong THURST-ON among them. Our advice, by way of
moistening it, is, "Drop it!"
* * * * *
"CLERGY FEES" (_see "Times" Correspondence_).--_Growl of the
Archiepiscopal Ogre & Co._:--
"Fee, fi, fo, fum! I smell the coin of a Clergyman! Hath he fat glebe, be
he ill-fee'd, ill-fed, I'll grab his fees to butter my bread!"
* * * * *
A NIGHTLY CHEVALIER.
Music-Hall Artists are not by any means "Fixed Stars." During the
evening they manage to accomplish the somewhat
paradoxical-sounding feat of shining in the same parts, yet in different
places and at different times, appearing everywhere with undiminished
brilliancy. The Student of the Music-Hall Planetary system, has only by
observation to ascertain the exact time and place of the appearance of
his favourite bright particular Star, and then to pay his money, take his
choice between sitting and standing, and like a true astronomer, he
will--glass in hand, a strong glass too,--await the great event of the
evening, calmly and contentedly.
If the Wirtuous Westender wandering down the Strand, after having on
some previous nights exhausted the Pavilion and the elaborately
gorgeous Variety Shows given at the Empire and Alhambra, seeks for

awhile a resting-place wherein to enjoy his postprandial cigar, and be
amused, if such an one will drop into the classic Tivoli, he will find
excellent entertainment, that is as long as their present programme
holds the field. The Holborn and the Oxford may delight him on other
nights, for it seems that much the same Stars shine all around; but for
the present, taking Tivoli as synonymous with Tibur, he may, with
Horation humour, say to himself ("himself" being not a bad audience as
a rule):--
"Holborn Tibur amem ventosus, Tivoli Holborn,"
and he can then enter the Tivoli, now under the benign rule of that old
Music Hall Hand, CAROLUS MORTONIUS, M.A., Magister Agens,
while the experienced Mr. VERNON DOWSETT--"_Experientia
Dowsett_"--manages the stage. Good as is the entire show, and
especially good as is the performance of Mr. CHARLES GODFREY as
an old Chelsea Pensioner recounting to several little Peterkins a
touching and heart-stirring tale of the Crimean War, yet for me, the
Costermonger Songs of Mr. ALBERT CHEVALIER are the great
attraction. His now well-known "_Coster's Serenade_," and his
"_Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road_," are supplemented by a song
and dialogue about a Coster's son, a precocious little chap, about three
years old, and "only that 'igh, you know," in whom his father takes so
great a pride that it works his own temporary reformation. It is so
natural as to be just on the borderland between farce and pathos, and
recalls time past, when ROBSON played _The Porter's Knot_, and
such-like pieces. Now what more do Music Halls want than what Mr.
CHEVALIER gives them? This is the very essence of a dramatic sketch
of character, given in just the time it takes to sing the song,--that is,
about ten minutes, if as much. The compact orchestra, under the
directorship of Mr. ASHER, discourses excellent accompaniments, and
the music of the CHEVALIER's songs--composed, I believe, by
himself--is not the least among the attractions. The CHEVALIER, who,
as he takes more than one turn every evening, may be termed a Knight
Errant, is certainly the Coster's Laureate and accepted Representative in
the West; the mine, which is his own, is inexhaustible. He is a magician
in his own peculiar line, and may write himself ALBERTUS

MAGNUS.
* * * * *
"AL FRESCO," the Lightning Artist, whose full name is "ALFRED
FRESCO," writes to suggest that the Alhambra under Mr. JOHN
HOLLINGSHEAD's management should start a Rotten Row Galop and
Kensington Gardens Quadrille to follow as in a series the highly
successful Serpentine Dance.
* * * * *
NOVEL QUARTETTE.--At the next Hereford Festival there will be
performed a concerted piece by four Short Horns.
* * * * *
[Illustration: STARTLING DISCOVERY ON THE YORKSHIRE
COAST.
Young Tripper (_on his first visit to the Sea, becoming suddenly
conscious of the ebbing Tide_). "HI! BILL! JACK! T'WATTER BE A
RUNNIN' OFF! BY GUM, LADS, BUT AI