Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 2

Muse, with Society we may toy Without impassioned grief or joy, Or
boisterous merriment; May sing of Sorrow with a smile; At least, it
may be worth our while To try the experiment.
* * * * *
QUITE THE TREBLE GLOUCESTER CHEESE!--The Three Quires'
Festival this week. Do the Three Quires appear in the Cathedral? If so,
as each quire means twenty-four sheets, there'll he quite a "Surplice
Stock."
* * * * *
CONTRIBUTION BY OUR OWN "MULEY
HASSAN."--_Puzzle_--To find "three Single Gentlemen rolled into
one?" _Answer_--Sir EUAN SMITH. _Explanation_--Sir, You, an'
SMITH. [Exit MULEY HASSAN _going to Bray._
* * * * *
Why ought a Quack's attendance on a patient to be gratis?--Because he
is No-Fee-sician.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "LA-BOUCHE-RE(-NARD) ET LES RAISINS."]
* * * * *
[Illustration: A MERE PREJUDICE.

_Tourist._ "I SEE YOU EMPLOY A GOOD MANY WOMEN
ABOUT HERE, FARMER."
_Farmer._ "HAVE TO DO, HARVEST-TIME, SIR; BUT FOR
MYSELF I MUCH PREFER MANUAL LABOUR!"]
* * * * *
MORE REASONS FOR STOPPING IN TOWN.
_Commodore Buncombe._ Because I know those infernal Tentonners,
and ---- Chartreuse jaune only makes me worse.
_William Sikes._ Because of the gross incompetence of my Counsel,
and the ridiculous adverse prepossessions of the Jury at my recent
appearance in public at the C.C.C.
_McStinger._ Because there's bonny braw air on the braes of
Hampstead, and it costs but a bawbee to get intil it.
_Fitz-Fluke._ Because, since that awkward affair at the Roulette Club,
my country invitations haven't come in.
_Capel Courtney._ Because those beastly bucket-shops have collared
all our business.
_Bumpshus, M.P._ Because the Lords of the Treasury (shabby crew of
place-hunters) declined to adopt my suggestion, and to place a trooper,
thoroughly well found, victualled, and overhauled, at the disposal of
any Members of the Lower House whose profound sense of duty, and
of the importance of the Imperial Federation idea, impelled them to
take a six-months' trip round the world at the nation's expense.
_Theodore John Hook Straight._ Because of the old trouble--"got a
complaint in the chest."
* * * * *
[Illustration: PHILLIPOPOLIS.

Toper Major (_over their third bottle of a Grand Vin_). I shay, ol' f'ler,
neksh year thinksh'll go see ex'bishun at Ph-Phipp--at Philup-popple--
_Toper Minor._ I know, ol'f'ler. You mean Philipoppoppo--poppo--
_Toper Major._ Thatsh it--shame place. Have 'nother bo'l!
[_They drink._]
* * * * *
"THE SPEECH OF MONKEYS."--Professor R.L. GARNER, who is a
great hand at "getting his Monkey up" (he was naturally a bit annoyed
at being, quite recently, accidentally prevented from giving his Monkey
lecture), is about to commence operations by adapting the old song of
"_Let us be Happy Together_" to Monkey Language, when it will
re-appear as "Let us be Apey Together." It will be first given at Monkey
Island on Thames.
* * * * *
CRICKETERS WHO OUGHT TO BE GOOD HANDS AT PLAYING
A TIE.--"The Eleven of Notts."
* * * * *
UN-BROCKEN VOWS.
Walpurgis Brocken Night at Crystal Palace last Thursday--Grand!
Jupiter Pluvius suspended buckets, and celestial water-works rested
awhile to make way for Terrestrial Fire-works. "Todgers's can do it
when it likes," as all Martin-Chuzzlewiters know, and BROCK can do
it too when he likes. _À propos_ of DICKENS' quotation above, it is on
record that _Mr. Pickwick_ was once addressed as "Old Fireworks."
Where? When? and How? _Mr. Pickwick_, we are led to infer by the
commentary thereon, somewhat objected to the term, unless our
Pickwickian memory fail us--which is not improbable--but Mr.
BROCK would appropriate it to himself with pleasure, and be "'proud

o' the title' as the Living Skeleton said." Despite wind and weather, and
contretemps generally, BROCK has never brocken faith with the public.
"_Facta non verba_" is his motto: and "_Facta_" means (here)
Fire-works.
* * * * *
"GREAT BRITAIN AND THE GILBERT ISLANDS."--Captain
DAVIS of H.M. Screw Cruiser Royalist, on May 27, formally annexed
"The Gilbert Islands." Where was SULLIVAN? Or is it that Sir
ARTHUR, having been annexed as a Knight, was unable to interfere?
Will D'OYLY CARTE explain?
* * * * *
THE MENAGERIE RACE.
SCENE--_The terrace in front of Hauberk Hall, which the_
LARKSPURS have taken for the Summer. TIME--_An August
afternoon. Miss STELLA LARKSPUR--a young lady with great
energy and a talent for organisation--has insisted upon all the Guests
taking part in a Menagerie Race._
_The Rev. Ninian Headnote, the Local Curate_ (_to Mr. PLUMLEY
DUFF--after uneasily regarding Miss STELLA, as she shakes up some
pieces of folded paper in a hat_). Can you give me any idea of the
precise nature of this amusement--er--nothing resembling a gambling
transaction, I suppose?--or I really--
_Mr. Plumley Duff_. Well, I'm given to understand that we shall each
be expected to take an animal of some sort, and