Press Cuttings | Page 6

them down.
BALSQUITH. I cant shoot them down.
MITCHENER. Yes you can. You dont realize it; but if you fire a rifle
into a German he drops just as surely as a rabbit does.
BALSQUITH But dash it all, man, a rabbit hasnt got a rifle and a
German has. Suppose he shoots you down.
MITCHENER. Excuse me, Balsquith; but that consideration is what we
call cowardice in the army. A soldier always assumes that he is going
to shoot, not to be shot.
BALSQUITH (jumping up and walking about sulkily). Oh come! I like
to hear you military people talking of cowardice. Why, you spend your
lives in an ecstasy of terror of imaginary invasions. I dont believe you
ever go to bed without looking under it for a burglar.
MITCHENER (calmly). A very sensible precaution, Balsquith. I
always take it. And in consequence Ive never been burgled.
BALSQUITH. Neither have I. Anyhow dont you taunt me with
cowardice. (He posts himself on the hearthrug beside Mitchener on his
left.) I never look under my bed for a burglar. Im not always looking
under the nation's bed for an invader. And if it comes to fighting Im
quite willing to fight without being three to one.
MITCHENER. These are the romantic ravings of a Jingo civilian,
Balsquith. At least youll not deny that the absolute command of the sea
is essential to our security.

BALSQUITH. The absolute command of the sea is essential to the
security of the principality of Monaco. But Monaco isnt going to get it.
MITCHENER. And consequently Monaco enjoys no security. What a
frightful thing! How do the inhabitants sleep with the possibility of
invasion, of bombardment, continually present to their minds? Would
you have our English slumbers broken in the same way? Are we also to
live without security?
BALSQUITH (dogmatically). Yes. Theres no such thing as security in
the world: and there never can be as long as men are mortal. England
will be secure when England is dead, just as the streets of London will
be safe when there is no longer a man in her streets to be run over, or a
vehicle to run over him. When you military chaps ask for security you
are crying for the moon.
MITCHENER (very seriously). Let me tell you, Balsquith, that in these
days of aeroplanes and Zeppelin airships, the question of the moon is
becoming one of the greatest importance. It will be reached at no very
distant date. Can you as an Englishman, tamely contemplate the
posssibility of having to live under a German moon? The British flag
must be planted there at all hazards.
BALSQUITH. My dear Mitchener, the moon is outside practical
politics. Id swop it for a cooling station tomorrow with Germany or any
other Power sufficiently military in its way of thinking to attach any
importance to it.
MITCHENER (losing his temper). You are the friend of every country
but your own.
BALSQUITH. Say nobodys enemy but my own. It sounds nicer. You
really neednt be so horribly afraid of the other countries. Theyre all in
the same fix as we are. Im much more interested in the death rate in
Lambeth than in the German fleet.
MITCHENER. You darent say that in Lambeth.

BALSQUITH. Ill say it the day after you publish your scheme for
invading Germany and repealing all the reform Acts.
The Orderly comes in.
MITCHENER. What do you want?
THE ORDERLY. I dont want anything, Governor, thank you. The
secretary and president of the Anti-Suffraget League say they had an
appointment with the Prime Minister, and that theyve been sent on here
from Downing Street.
BALSQUITH (going to the table). Quite right. I forgot them. (To
Mitchener.) Would you mind my seeing them here? I feel
extraordinarily grateful to these women for standing by us and facing
the suffragets, especially as they are naturally the gentler and timid sort
of women. (The Orderly moans.) Did you say anything?
THE ORDERLY. No, Sir.
BALSQUITH. Did you catch their names.
THE ORDERLY. Yes, Sir. The president is Lady Corinthia Fanshawe;
and the secretary is Mrs. Banger.
MITCHENER (abruptly). Mrs. what?
THE ORDERLY. Mrs. Banger.
BALSQUITH. Curious that quiet people always seem to have violent
names.
THE ORDERLY. Not much quiet about her, sir.
MITCHENER (outraged). Attention. Speak when youre spoken to.
Hold your tongue when youre not. Right about face. March. (The
Orderly obeys.) Thats the way to keep these chaps up to the mark. (The
Orderly returns.) Back again! What do you mean by this mutiny?

THE ORDERLY. What am I to say to the ladies, sir?
BALSQUITH. You dont mind my seeing them somewhere, do you?
MITCHENER. Not at all. Bring them in to see me when youve done
with them: I understand that Lady Corinthia