Press Cuttings | Page 4

the Church refused exemption. He is
supreme--omnipotent.

BALSQUITH. He WAS, a year ago. But ever since your book of
reminiscences went into two more editions than his, and the rush for it
led to the wrecking of the Times Book Club, you have become to all
intents and purposes his senior. He lost ground by saying that the
wrecking was got up by the booksellers. It showed jealousy: and the
public felt it.
MITCHENER. But I cracked him up in my book--you see I could do
no less after the handsome way he cracked me up in his--and I cant go
back on it now. (Breaking loose from Balsquith.) No: its no use,
Balsquith: he can dictate his terms to you.
BALSQUITH. Not a bit of it. That affair of the curate--
MITCHENER (impatiently). Oh, damn that curate. Ive heard of
nothing but that wretched mutineer for a fortnight past. He is not a
curate: whilst he is serving in the army he is a private soldier and
nothing else. I really havent time to discuss him further. Im busy. Good
morning. (He sits down at his table and takes up his letters.)
BALSQUITH (near the door). I am sorry you take that tone, Mitchener.
Since you do take it, let me tell you frankly that I think Lieutenant
Chubbs-Jenkinson showed a great want of consideration for the
Government in giving an unreasonable and unpopular order, and
bringing compulsory military service into disrepute. When the leader of
the Labor Party appealed to me and to the House last year not to throw
away all the liberties of Englishmen by accepting universal
Compulsory military service without insisting on full civil rights for the
soldier--
MITCHENER. Rot.
BALSQUITH. --I said that no British officer would be capable of
abusing the authority with which it was absolutely necessary to invest
him.
MITCHENER. Quite right.

BALSQUITH. That carried the House and carried the country--
MITCHENER. Naturally.
BALSQUITH. --And the feeling was that the Labor Party were soulless
cads.
MITCHENER. So they are.
BALSQUITH. And now comes this unmannerly young whelp Chubbs-
Jenkinson, the only son of what they call a soda king, and orders a
curate to lick his boots. And when the curate punches his head, you
first sentence him to be shot; and then make a great show of clemency
by commuting it to a flogging. What did you expect the curate to do?
MITCHENER (throwing down his pen and his letters and jumping up
to confront Balsquith). His duty was perfectly simple. He should have
obeyed the order; and then laid his complaint against the officer in
proper form. He would have received the fullest satisfaction.
BALSQUITH. What satisfaction?
MITCHENER. Chubbs-Jenkinson would have been reprimanded. In
fact, he WAS reprimanded. Besides, the man was thoroughly
insubordinate. You cant deny that the very first thing he did when they
took him down after flogging him was to walk up to Chubbs-Jenkinson
and break his jaw. That showed there was no use flogging him; so now
he will get two years hard labor; and serve him right.
BALSQUITH. I bet you a guinea he wont get even a week. I bet you
another that Chubbs-Jenkinson apologizes abjectly. You evidently
havent heard the news.
MITCHENER. What news?
BALSQUITH. It turns out that the curate is well connected. (Mitchener
staggers at the shock. Speechless he contemplates Balsquith with a wild
and ghastly stare; then reels into his chair and buries his face in his

hands over the blotter. Balsquith continues remorselessly, stooping
over him to rub it in.) He has three aunts in the peerage; and Lady
Richmond's one of them; (Mitchener utters a heartrending groan) and
they all adore him. The invitations for six garden parties and fourteen
dances have been cancelled for all the subalterns in Chubbs's regiment.
Is it possible you havent heard of it?
MITCHENER. Not a word.
BALSQUITH (shaking his head). I suppose nobody dared to tell you.
(He sits down carelessly on Mitchener's right.)
MITCHENER. What an infernal young fool Chubbs-Jenkinson is, not
to know the standing of his man better! Why didnt he know? It was his
business to know. He ought to be flogged.
BALSQUITH. Probably he will be, by the other subalterns.
MITCHENER. I hope so. Anyhow, out he goes! Out of the army! He or
I.
BALSQUITH. His father has subscribed a million to the party funds.
We owe him a peerage.
MITCHENER. I dont care.
BALSQUITH. I do. How do you think parties are kept up? Not by the
subscriptions of the local associations, I hope. They dont pay for the
gas at the meetings.
MITCHENER. Man; can you not be serious? Here are we, face to face
with Lady Richmond's grave displeasure; and you talk to me about gas
and subscriptions. Her own nephew.
BALSQUITH (gloomily).