Press Cuttings | Page 9

patriotism: its bein made a bloomin sheep of.
MITCHENER. A sheep has many valuable military qualities. Emulate them: dont disparage them.
THE ORDERLY. Oh, wots the good of talkin to you? If I wasnt a poor soldier I could punch your head for forty shillins for a month. But because youre my commanding officer you deprive me of my right to a magistrate and make a compliment of giving me two years ard sted of shootin me. Why cant you take your chance the same as any civilian does?
MITCHENER (rising majestically). I search the pages of history in vain for a parallel to such a speech made by a Private to a general. But for the coherence of your remarks I should conclude that you were drunk. As it is, you must be mad. You shall be placed under restraint at once. Call the guard.
THE ORDERLY. Call your grandmother. If you take one man off the doors the place'll be full of Suffragets before you can wink.
MITCHENER. Then arrest yourself; and off with you to the guardroom.
THE ORDERLY. What am I to arrest myself for?
MITCHENER. Thats nothing to you. You have your orders: obey them. Do you hear? Right about face. March.
THE ORDERLY. How would you feel yourself if you was told to right-about-face and march as if you was a doormat?
MITCHENER. I should feel as if my country had spoken through the voice of my officer. I should feel proud and honored to be able to serve my country by obeying its commands. No thought of self-- no vulgar preoccupation with my own petty vanity could touch my mind at such a moment. To me my officer would not be a mere man: he would be for the moment--whatever his personal frailties--the incarnation of our national destiny.
THE ORDERLY. What Im saying to you is the voice of old England a jolly sight more than all this rot that you get out of books. Id rather be spoke to by a sergeant than by you. He tells me to go to hell when I challenges him to argue it out like a man. It aint polite; but its English. What you say aint anything at all. You dont act on it yourself. You dont believe in it. Youd punch my head if I tried it on you; and serve me right. And look here. Heres another point for you to argue.
MITCHENER (with a shriek of protest). No--
Mrs. Banger comes in, followed by Lady Corinthia Fanshawe.
Mrs. Banger is a masculine woman of forty, with a powerful voice and great physical strength. Lady Corinthia, who is also over thirty, is beautiful and romantic.
MRS. BANGER (throwing the door open decisively and marching straight to Michener). Pray how much longer is the Anti-Suffrage League to be kept waiting? (She passes him contemptuously and sits down with impressive confidence in the chair next the fireplace. Lady Corinthia takes the chair on the opposite side of the table with equal aplomb.)
MITCHENER. Im extremely sorry. You really do not know what I have to put with. This imbecile, incompetent, unsoldierly disgrace to the uniform he should never have been allowed to put on, ought to have shown you in fifteen minutes ago.
THE ORDERLY. All I said was--
MITCHENER. Not another word. Attention. Right about face. March. (The Orderly sits down doggedly.) Get out of the room this instant, you fool, or Ill kick you out.
THE ORDERLY (civilly). I dont mind that, sir. Its human. Its English. Why couldnt you have said it before? (He goes out).
MITCHENER. Take no notice I beg: these scenes are of daily occurrence now that we have compulsory service under the command of the halfpenny papers. Pray sit down.
LADY CORINTHIA AND MRS. BANGER (rising). Thank you. (They sit down again.)
MITCHENER (sitting down with a slight chuckle of satisfaction). And now, ladies, to what am I indebted?
MRS. BANGER. Let me introduce us. I am Rosa Carmina Banger--Mrs. Banger, organizing secretary of the Anti-Suffraget League. This is Lady Corinthia Fanshawe, the president of the League, known in musical circles--I am not myself musical--as the Richmond Park nightingale. A soprano. I am myself said to be almost a baritone; but I do not profess to understand these dis- tinctions.
MITCHENER (murmuring politely). Most happy, Im sure.
MRS. BANGER. We have come to tell you plainly that the Anti- Suffragets are going to fight.
MITCHENER (gallantly). Oh, pray leave that to the men, Mrs. Banger.
LADY CORINTHIA. We can no longer trust the men.
MRS. BANGER. They have shown neither the strength, the courage, nor the determination which are needed to combat women like the Suffragets.
LADY CORINTHIA. Nature is too strong for the combatants.
MRS. BANGER. Physical struggles between persons of opposite sexes are unseemly.
LADY CORINTHIA. Demoralizing.
MRS. BANGER. Insincere.
LADY CORINTHIA. They are merely embraces in disguise.
MRS. BANGER. No such suspicion can attach to combats in which