Pomonas Travels | Page 9

been struck deaf, and I was just
on the point of jumping up and shouting to him, "Fly, before the walls
and roof come down upon us!" when that awful noise occurred again.
My blood stood frigid in my veins, and as I started back I saw before
me a waiter, his face ashy pale, and his knees bending beneath him.
Some people near us were half getting up from their chairs, and I
pushed back and looked at Jone again, who had not moved except that
his mouth was open. Then I knew what it was that I thought was an
earthquake--it was Jone giving an order to the waiter.
[Illustration: Jone giving an order]
I bit my lips and sat silent; the people around kept on looking at us, and
the poor man who was receiving the shock stood trembling like a leaf.
When the volcanic disturbance, so to speak, was over, the waiter bowed
himself, as if he had been a heathen in a temple, and gasping, "Yes, sir,
immediate," glided unevenly away. He hadn't waited on us before, and
little thought, when he was going to stride proudly pass our table, what
a double-loaded Vesuvius was sitting in Jone's chair. I leaned over the
table and said to Jone that if he would stick to that we could rent a
bishopric if we wanted to, and I was so proud I could have patted him
on the back. Well, after that we had no more trouble about being waited
on, for that waiter of ours went about as if he had his neck bared for the
fatal stroke and Jone was holding the cimeter.
The head waiter came to us before we was done dinner and asked if we
had everything we wanted and if that table suited us, because if it did

we could always have it. To which Jone distantly thundered that if he
would see that it always had a clean tablecloth it would do well enough.
[Illustration: The Carver]
Even the man who stood at the big table in the middle of the room and
carved the cold meats, with his hair parted in the middle, and who
looked as if he were saying to himself, as with a bland dexterity and
tastefulness he laid each slice upon its plate, "Now, then, the socialistic
movement in Paris is arrested for the time being, and here again I put
an end to the hopes of Russia getting to the sea through Afghanistan,
and now I carefully spread contentment over the minds of all them
riotous Welsh miners," even he turned around and bowed to us as we
passed him, and once sent a waiter to ask if we'd like a little bit of
potted beef, which was particularly good that day.
Jone kept up his rumblings, though they sounded more distant and
more deep under ground, and one day at luncheon an elderly woman,
who was sitting alone at a table near us, turned to me and spoke. She
was a very plain person, with her face all seamed and rough with
exposure to the weather, like as if she had been captain to a pilot boat,
and with a general appearance of being a cook with good
recommendations, but at present out of a place. I might have wondered
at such a person being at such a hotel, but remembering what I had
been myself I couldn't say what mightn't happen to other people.
"I'm glad to see," said she, "that you sent away that mutton, for if more
persons would object to things that are not properly cooked we'd all be
better served. I suppose that in your country most people are so rich
that they can afford to have the best of everything and have it always. I
fancy the great wealth of American citizens must make their
housekeeping very different from ours."
Now I must say I began to bristle at being spoken to like that. I'm as
proud of being an American as anybody can be, but I don't like the
home of the free thrown into my teeth every time I open my mouth.
There's no knowing what money Jone and I have lost through giving
orders to London cabmen in what is called our American accent. The

minute we tell the driver of a hansom where we want to go, that place
doubles its distance from the spot we start from. Now I think the great
reason Jone's rumbling worked so well was that it had in it a sort of
Great British chest-sound, as if his lungs was rusty. The waiter had
heard that before and knew what it meant. If he had spoken out in the
clear American fashion I expect his voice would have gone