Pipes OPan at Zekesbury | Page 3

Poet in Center Township,' and never cracked a smile! Always after each other that way, but the best friends in the world. Sweeney's strong suit is elocution. He has a native ability that way by no means ordinary, but even that gift he abuses and distorts simply to produce grotesque, and oftentimes ridiculous effects. For instance, nothing more delights him than to 'lothfully' consent to answer a request, at The Mite Society, some evening, for 'an appropriate selection,' and then, with an elaborate introduction of the same, and an exalted tribute to the refined genius of the author, proceed with a most gruesome rendition of 'Alonzo The Brave and The Fair Imogene,' in a way to coagulate the blood and curl the hair of his fair listeners with abject terror. Pale as a corpse, you know, and with that cadaverous face, lit with those malignant-looking eyes, his slender figure, and his long, thin legs and arms and hands, and his whole diabolical talent and adroitness brought into play--why, I want to say to you, it's enough to scare 'em to death! Never a smile from him, though, till he and Hedrick are safe out into the night again--then, of course, they hug each other and howl over it like Modocs! But pardon; I'm interrupting the lecture. Listen."
"A lack of continuity, however," continued the Professor, "and an undue love of approbation, would, measurably, at least, tend to retard the young man's progress toward the consummation of any loftier ambition, I fear; yet as we have intimated, if the subject were appropriately educated to the need's demand, he could doubtless produce a high order of both prose and poetry--especially the latter--though he could very illy bear being laughed at for his pains."
"He's dead wrong there," said my friend; "Hedrick enjoys being laughed at; he 's used to it--gets fat on it!"
"He is fond of his friends," continued the Professor "and the heartier they are the better; might even be convivially inclined--if so tempted--but prudent--in a degree," loiteringly concluded the speaker, as though unable to find the exact bump with which to bolster up the last named attribute.
The subject blushed vividly--my friend's right eyelid dropped, and there was a noticeable, though elusive sensation throughout the audience.
"But!" said the Professor, explosively, "selecting a directly opposite subject, in conjunction with the study of the one before us [turning to the group at the rear of the stage and beckoning], we may find a newer interest in the practical comparison of these subjects side by side." And the Professor pushed a very pale young man into position.
"Sweeney!" whispered my friend, delightedly; "now look out!"
"In this subject," said the Professor, "we find the practical business head. Square--though small--a trifle light at the base, in fact; but well balanced at the important points at least; thoughtful eyes--wide-awake--crafty--quick--restless--a policy eye, though not denoting language--unless, perhaps, mere business forms and direct statements."
"Fooled again!" whispered my friend; "and I'm afraid the old man will fail to nest out the fact also that Sweeney is the cold-bloodedest guyer on the face of the earth, and with more diabolical resources than a prosecuting attorney; the Professor ought to know this, too, by this time--for these same two chaps have been visiting the old man in his room at the hotel;--that's what I was trying to tell you awhile ago. The old sharp thinks he's 'playing' the boys, is my idea; but it's the other way, or I lose my guess."
"Now, under the mesmeric influence--if the two subjects will consent to its administration," said the Professor, after some further tedious preamble, "we may at once determine the fact of my assertions, as will be proved by their action while in this peculiar state." Here some apparent remonstrance was met with from both subjects, though amicably overcome by the Professor first manipulating the stolid brow and pallid front of the imperturbable Sweeney--after which the same mysterious ordeal was lothfully submitted to by Hedrick--though a noticeably longer time was consumed in securing his final loss of self-control. At last, however, this curious phenomenon was presented, and there before us stood the two swaying figures, the heads dropped back, the lifted hands, with thumb and finger-tips pressed lightly together, the eyelids languid and half closed, and the features, in appearance, wan and humid.
"Now, sir!" said the Professor, leading the limp Sweeney forward, and addressing him in a quick, sharp tone of voice.--"Now, sir, you are a great contractor--own large factories, and with untold business interests. Just look out there! [pointing out across the expectant audience] look there, and see the countless minions toiling servilely at your dread mandates. And yet--ha! ha! See! see!--They recognize the avaricious greed that would thus grind them in the very dust; they see, alas! they see themselves half-clothed--half-fed, that you may glut