Peter Simple | Page 4

he staggered from the crowd, and swore that
he'd go to Portsmouth. He climbed up by the wheel of the coach and sat
down by me. I believe that I stared at him very much, for he said to me,
"What are you gaping at, you young sculping? Do you want to catch
flies? or did you never see a chap half seas over before?"
I replied, that "I had never been at sea in my life, but that I was going."
"Well then, you're like a young bear, all your sorrows to come--that's
all, my hearty," replied he. "When you get on board, you'll find
monkey's allowance--more kicks than half-pence. I say, you
pewter-carrier, bring us another pint of ale."
The waiter of the inn, who was attending the coach, brought out the ale,
half of which the sailor drank, and the other half threw into the waiter's
face, telling him, "that was his allowance; and now," said he, "what's to
pay?" The waiter, who looked very angry, but appeared too much
afraid of the sailor to say anything, answered fourpence; and the sailor
pulled out a handful of bank-notes, mixed up with gold, silver, and
coppers, and was picking out the money to pay for his beer, when the
coachman, who was impatient, drove off.
"There's cut and run," cried the sailor, thrusting all the money into his
breeches pocket. "That's what you'll learn to do, my joker, before you
have been two cruises to sea."
In the meantime the gentleman in the plaid cloak, who was seated by
me, smoked his cigar without saying a word. I commenced a
conversation with him relative to my profession, and asked him

whether it was not very difficult to learn. "Larn," cried the sailor,
interrupting us, no, it may be difficult for such chaps as me before the
mast to larn, but you, I presume, is a reefer, and they an't got much to
larn, "cause why, they pipe-clays their weekly accounts, and walks up
and down with their hands in their pockets. You must larn to chaw
baccy, drink grog, and call the cat a beggar, and then you knows all a
midshipman's expected to know now-a-days. Arn't I right, sir?" said the
sailor, appealing to the gentleman in a plaid cloak. "I axes you, because
I see you're a sailor by the cut of your jib. Beg pardon, sir," continued
he, touching his hat, "hope no offence."
"I am afraid that you have nearly hit the mark, my good fellow," replied
the gentleman.
Whenever the coach stopped, the sailor called for more ale, and always
threw the remainder which he could not drink into the face of the man
who brought it out for him, just as the coach was starting off, and then
tossed the pewter pot on the ground for him to pick up. He became
more tipsy every stage, and the last from Portsmouth, when he pulled
out his money he could find no silver, so he handed down a note, and
desired the waiter to change it. The waiter crumpled it up and put it into
his pocket, and then returned the sailor the change for a one-pound note:
but the gentleman in the plaid had observed that it was a five-pound
note which the sailor had given, and insisted upon the waiter producing
it, and giving the proper change. The sailor took his money, which the
waiter handed to him, begging pardon for the mistake, although he
coloured up very much at being detected. "I really beg your pardon,"
said he again, "it was quite a mistake:" whereupon the sailor threw the
pewter pot at the waiter, saying "I really beg your pardon too,"--and
with such force, that it flattened upon the man's head, who fell
senseless on the road. The coachman drove off, and I never heard
whether the man was killed or not.
I inquired of the gentleman how soon we should be at Portsmouth; he
answered that we were passing the lines; but I saw no lines, and I was
ashamed to show my ignorance. He asked me what ship I was going to
join. I could not recollect her name, but I told him it was painted on the

outside of my chest, which was coming down by the waggon: all that I
could recollect was that it was a French name.
"Have you no letter of introduction to the captain?" said he.
"Yes, I have," replied I; and I pulled out my pocketbook in which the
letter was. "Captain Savage, H.M.S. Diomede," continued I, reading to
him.
To my surprise he very coolly proceeded to open the letter, which,
when I perceived what he was doing, occasioned me immediately to
snatch the letter from him, stating my opinion at the