Perfect Behavior | Page 9

THE ETIQUETTE OF ENGAGEMENTS AND WEDDINGS
THE HISTORIC ASPECT
"Matrimony," sings Homer, the poet, "is a holy estate and not lightly to be entered into." The "old Roman" is right.
A modern wedding is one of the most intricate and exhausting of social customs. Young men and women of our better classes are now forced to devote a large part of their lives to acting as brides, grooms, ushers and bridesmaids at various elaborate nuptials. Weeks are generally required in preparation for an up-to-date wedding; months are necessary in recovering from such an affair. Indeed, some of the participants, notably the bride and groom, never quite get over the effects of a marriage.
It was not "always thus." Time was when the wedding was a comparatively simple. affair. In the Paleolithic Age, for example, (as Mr. H. G. Wells of England points out in his able "Outline of History"), there is no evidence of any particular ceremony conjunctive with the marriage of "a male and a female." Even with the advent of Neolithic man, a wedding seems to have been consummated by the rather simple process of having the bridegroom crack the bride over the head with a plain, unornamented stone ax. There were no ushers--no bridesmaids. But shortly after that (c- 10,329--30 B.C. to be exact) two young Neoliths named Haig, living in what is now supposed to be Scotland, discovered that the prolonged distillation of common barley resulted in the creation of an amber-colored liquid which, when taken internally, produced a curious and not unpleasant effect.
This discovery had--and still has--a remarkable effect upon the celebration of the marriage rite. Gradually there grew up around the wedding a number of customs. With the Haig brothers' discovery of Scotch whiskey began, as a matter of course, the institution of the "bachelor dinner." "Necessity is the mother of invention," and exactly twelve years after the first "bachelor dinner" came the discovery of bicarbonate of soda. From that time down to the present day the history of the etiquette of weddings has been that of an increasing number of intricate forms and ceremonies, each age having added its particular bit of ritual. The modern wedding may be said to be, therefore, almost an "Outline of History" itself.
ANNOUNCING THE ENGAGEMENT
LET us begin, first of all, with the duties of one of the minor characters at a wedding --the Groom. Suppose that you are an eligible young man named Richard Roe, who has just become "engaged" to a young lady named Dorothy Doe. If you really intend to "marry the girl," it is customary that some formal announcement of the engagement be made, for which you must have the permission of Miss Dorothy and her father. It is not generally difficult to become engaged to most girls, but it will surprise you to discover how hard it is to get the young lady whom you believe to be your fiancee to consent to a public announcement of the fact. The reason for this probably is that an engagement which has been "announced" often leads to matrimony, and matrimony, in polite society, often lasts for several years. After you have secured the girl's permission, it is next necessary that you notify her father of the engagement. In this particular case, as he happens to be your employer, the notification can take place in his office. First of all, however, it would be advisable to prepare some sort of speech in advance. Aim to put him as far as possible at his ease, lead up to the subject gradually and tactfully. Abruptness is never "good form." The following is suggested as a possible model. "Good morning, Mr. Doe, say, I heard a good story from a traveling salesman last night. It seems that there was a young married couple--(here insert a good story about a young married couple). Wasn't that RICH? Yes, sir, marriage is a great thing--a great institution. Every young man ought to get married, don't you think? You do? Well, Mr. Doe, I've got a surprise for you, (here move toward the door). I'm going to (here open the door) marry (step out of the room) your daughter" (close the door quickly).
THE BRIDE-TO-BE
Before the public announcement of the engagement it is customary for the bride-to-be to write personal letters to all other young men to whom she happens to be engaged at the time. These notes should be kindly, sympathetic and tactful. The same note can be written to all, provided there is no chance of their comparing notes. The following is suggested:
"Dear Bob--
Bob, I want you to be the very first to know that I am engaged to Richard Roe. I want you to like him, Bob, because he is a fine fellow and I would rather have you like him than any one I know.