Penrod and Sam | Page 4

upon Sam, horse and foot, and Sam would
have fled but dared not, for fear he might be touched from the rear.
Therefore, he defended himself as best he could, and there followed a
lusty whacking, in the course of which Verman's hat, a relic and too
large, fell from his head, touching Sam's weapon in falling.
"There!" panted Sam, desisting immediately. "That counts! You're
bonded, Verman."
"Aim meewer!" Verman protested.
Interpreting this as "Ain't neither", Sam invented a law to suit the
occasion. "Yes, you are; that's the rule, Verman. I touched your hat
with my sword, and your hat's just the same as you."
"Imm mop!" Verman insisted.
"Yes, it is," said Sam, already warmly convinced (by his own statement)
that he was in the right. "Listen here! If I hit you on the shoe, it would
be the same as hitting YOU, wouldn't it? I guess it'd count if I hit you
on the shoe, wouldn't it? Well, a hat's just the same as shoes. Honest,
that's the rule, Verman, and you're a pris'ner."
Now, in the arguing part of the game, Verman's impediment cooperated
with a native amiability to render him far less effective than in the
actual combat. He chuckled, and ceded the point.
"Aw wi," he said, and cheerfully followed his captor to a hidden place
among some bushes in the front yard, where Penrod lurked.
"Looky what I got!" Sam said importantly, pushing his captive into this
retreat. "NOW, I guess you won't say I'm not so much use any more!

Squat down, Verman, so's they can't see you if they're huntin' for us.
That's one o' the rules--honest. You got to squat when we tell you to."
Verman was agreeable. He squatted, and then began to laugh
uproariously.
"Stop that noise!" Penrod commanded. "You want to bekray us? What
you laughin' at?"
"Ep mack im mimmup," Verman giggled.
"What's he mean?" Sam asked.
Penrod was more familiar with Verman's utterance, and he interpreted.
"He says they'll get him back in a minute."
"No, they won't. I'd just like to see--"
"Yes, they will, too," Penrod said. "They'll get him back for the main
and simple reason we can't stay here all day, can we? And they'd find
us anyhow, if we tried to. There's so many of 'em against just us two,
they can run in and touch him soon as they get up to us--and then
HE'LL be after us again and--"
"Listen here!" Sam interrupted. "Why can't we put some REAL bonds
on him? We could put bonds on his wrists and around his legs--we
could put 'em all over him, easy as nothin'. Then we could gag him--"
"No, we can't," said Penrod. "We can't, for the main and simple reason
we haven't got any rope or anything to make the bonds with, have we? I
wish we had some o' that stuff they give sick people. THEN, I bet they
wouldn't get him back so soon!"
"Sick people?" Sam repeated, not comprehending.
"It makes 'em go to sleep, no matter what you do to 'em," Penrod
explained. "That's the main and simple reason they can't wake up, and
you can cut off their ole legs--or their arms, or anything you want to."
"Hoy!" exclaimed Verman, in a serious tone. His laughter ceased
instantly, and he began to utter a protest sufficiently intelligible.
"You needn't worry," Penrod said gloomily. "We haven't got any o' that
stuff; so we can't do it."
"Well, we got to do sumpthing," Sam said.
His comrade agreed, and there was a thoughtful silence; but presently
Penrod's countenance brightened.
"I know!" he exclaimed. "I know what we'll do with him. Why, I
thought of it just as EASY! I can most always think of things like that,
for the main and simple reason--well, I thought of it just as soon--"

"Well, what is it?" Sam demanded crossly. Penrod's reiteration of his
new-found phrase, "for the main and simple reason", had been growing
more and more irksome to his friend all day, though Sam was not
definitely aware that the phrase was the cause of his annoyance.
"WHAT are we goin' to do with him, you know so much?"
Penrod rose and peered over the tops of the bushes, shading his eyes
with his hand, a gesture that was unnecessary but had a good
appearance. He looked all round about him in this manner, finally
vouchsafing a report to the impatient Sam.
"No enemies in sight--just for the main and simple reason I expect
they're all in the alley and in Georgie Bassett's backyard."
"I bet they're not!" Sam said scornfully, his irritation much increased.
"How do YOU know so much about it?"
"Just for the main and simple reason," Penrod replied, with dignified
finality.
And at that,