Pecks Bad Boy with the Cowboys | Page 8

the
tyranny of their husbands, that white man is not safe, and as Pa lay
there, waiting for the fire to get hot enough for them to lay him on the
coals, I felt almost like crying, 'cause I didn't want to take pa's remains
back home so scorched that they wouldn't be an ornament to society, so
I went up to pa's couch to get his instructions as to our future course,
when he should be all in.
I said, "Pa, this is the most serious case you have yet mixed up in. O,
wimmen, how you do ruin men who put their trust in you."
Pa winked at me, and said:
"Never you mind me, Hennery. I will come out of this scrape and have
all the Indians on their kpeesan less than an hour, begging my pardon,"
and then Pa whispered to me, and I went to pa's valise and got an
electric battery and put it in pa's pocket and scattered copper wires all
around pa's body, and fixed it so pa could touch a button and turn on a
charge of electricity that would paralyze an elephant, and then I got
some matches and took the phosphorus off and put it all over pa's face
and hands and clothes and as it became dark and the phosphorus began
to shine, Pa was a sight. He looked like moonlight on the lake, and I got
the cowboy and the big game hunter and the educated Indian to get
down on their knees around pa, and chant something that would sound
terrible to the Indians. The only thing in the way of a chant that all of
them could chant was the football tune, "There'll Be a Hot Time in the

Old Town Tonight," and we were whooping it up over pa's illuminated
remains when the Indians came out to put Pa on the fire, and when they
saw the phosphorescent glow all over him, and, his face looking as
though he was at peace with all the world, and us whites on our knees,
making motions and singing that hot dirge, they all turned pale, and
were scared, and they fell back reverently, and gazed fixedly at poor pa,
who was winking at us, and whispering to us to keep it up, and we did.
The old chief was the first to recover, and he saw that something had to
be done pretty quick, so he talked Indian to some of the braves, and I
slipped away and put some phosphorus all over a squaw, and she
looked like a lightning bug, and told her to go and fall on pa's remains
and yell murder. The Indians had started to grab Pa and put him on the
fire when Pa turned on the battery and the big chief got a dose big
enough for a whole flock of Indians, and all who touched Pa got a
shock, and they all fell back and got on their knees, and just then the
squaw with the phosphorus on her system came running out, and she
fell across pa's remains, and she shone so you could read fine print by
the light she gave, and that settled it with the tribe, 'cause they all laid
down flat and were at pa's mercy. Pa pushed the illuminated squaw
away, and went around and put his foot on the neck of each Indian, in
token of his absolute mastery over them, and then he bade them arise,
and he told them he had only done these things to show them the power
of the great father over his children, and now he would reveal to them
his object in coming amongst them, and that was to engage 20 of the
best Indians, and 20 of the best squaws, to join our great show, at an
enormous salary, and be ready in two weeks to take the road. The
Indians were delighted, and began to quarrel about who should go with
the show, and to quiet them Pa said he wanted to shake hands with all
of them, and they lined up, and Pa took the strongest wire attached to
the battery in his pistol pocket, and let it run up under his coat and
down his sleeve, into his right hand, and that was the way he shook
hands with them. I thought I would die laughing. Pa took a position like
a president at a New Year's reception, and shook hands with the tribe
one at a time. The old chief came first, and Pa grasped his hand tight,
and the chief stood on his toes and his knees knocked together, his teeth
chattered, and he danced a cancan while Pa held on to his hand and
squeezed, but he finally