One of Our Conquerors | Page 2

ONE OF OUR CONQUERORS
BOOK 1.
I. ACROSS LONDON BRIDGE II. THROUGH THE VAGUE TO
THE INFINITELY LITTLE III. OLD VEUVE IV. THE SECOND
BOTTLE V. THE LONDON WALK WESTWARD VI. NATALY VII.
BETWEEN A GENERAL MAN OF THE WORLD AND A
PROFESSIONAL VIII. SOME FAMILIAR GUESTS. IX. AN
INSPECTION OF LAKELANDS X. SKEPSEY IN MOTION

CHAPTER I
ACROSS LONDON BRIDGE
A gentleman, noteworthy for a lively countenance and a waistcoat to
match it, crossing London Bridge at noon on a gusty April day, was
almost magically detached from his conflict with the gale by some sly
strip of slipperiness, abounding in that conduit of the markets, which
had more or less adroitly performed the trick upon preceding
passengers, and now laid this one flat amid the shuffle of feet, peaceful
for the moment as the uncomplaining who have gone to Sabrina
beneath the tides. He was unhurt, quite sound, merely astonished, he
remarked, in reply to the inquiries of the first kind helper at his elbow;
and it appeared an acceptable statement of his condition. He laughed,
shook his coat-tails, smoothed the back of his head rather thoughtfully,
thankfully received his runaway hat, nodded bright beams to right and
left, and making light of the muddy stigmas imprinted by the pavement,
he scattered another shower of his nods and smiles around, to signify,

that as his good friends would wish, he thoroughly felt his legs and
could walk unaided. And he was in the act of doing it, questioning his
familiar behind the waistcoat amazedly, to tell him how such a
misadventure could have occurred to him of all men, when a glance
below his chin discomposed his outward face. 'Oh, confound the
fellow!' he said, with simple frankness, and was humorously ruffled,
having seen absurd blots of smutty knuckles distributed over the
maiden waistcoat.
His outcry was no more than the confidential communication of a
genial spirit with that distinctive article of his attire. At the same time,
for these friendly people about him to share the fun of the annoyance,
he looked hastily brightly back, seeming with the contraction of his
brows to frown, on the little band of observant Samaritans; in the centre
of whom a man who knew himself honourably unclean, perhaps
consequently a bit of a political jewel, hearing one of their number
confounded for his pains, and by the wearer of a superfine
dashing-white waistcoat, was moved to take notice of the total
deficiency of gratitude in this kind of gentleman's look and pocket. If
we ask for nothing for helping gentlemen to stand upright on their legs,
and get it, we expect civility into the bargain. Moreover, there are
reasons in nature why we choose to give sign of a particular surliness
when our wealthy superiors would have us think their condescending
grins are cordials.
The gentleman's eyes were followed on a second hurried downward
grimace, the necessitated wrinkles of which could be stretched by
malevolence to a semblance of haughty disgust; reminding us, through
our readings in journals, of the wicked overblown Prince Regent and
his Court, together with the view taken of honest labour in the mind of
supercilious luxury, even if indebted to it freshly for a trifle; and the
hoar-headed nineteenth-century billow of democratic ire craved the
word to be set swelling.
'Am I the fellow you mean, sir?' the man said.
He was answered, not ungraciously: 'All right, my man.'

But the balance of our public equanimity is prone to violent antic
bobbings on occasions when, for example, an ostentatious garment
shall appear disdainful our class and ourself, and coin of the realm has
not usurped command of one of the scales: thus a fairly pleasant answer,
cast in persuasive features, provoked the retort:
'There you're wrong; nor wouldn't be.'
'What's that?' was the gentleman's musical inquiry.
'That's flat, as you was half a minute ago,' the man rejoined.
'Ah, well, don't be impudent,' the gentleman said, by way of amiable
remonstrance before a parting.
'And none of your dam punctilio,' said the man.
Their exchange rattled smartly, without a direct hostility, and the
gentleman stepped forward.
It was observed in the crowd, that after a few paces he put two fingers
on the back of his head.
They might suppose him to be condoling with his recent mishap. But,
in fact, a thing had occurred to vex him more than a descent upon the
pavement or damage to his waistcoat's whiteness: he abominated the
thought of an altercation with a member of the mob; he found that
enormous beat comprehensible only when it applauded him; and
besides he wished it warmly well; all that was good for it; plentiful
dinners, country excursions, stout menagerie bars, music, a dance, and
to bed: he was for patting, stroking,