Oh! Susannah! | Page 9

sir? I didn't think you was old enough.
Plant. (pleased, releases him, pats his head) Good lad! (crosses down
L.)
Doctor. Where have they gone, Tupper?
Tupper, I dunno, sir--they was fetched.
Plant. Fetched? Who by? (rushing at Tupper furiously)
Tupper. I dunno, sir, two gentlemen--they didn't leave no name, they
simply come, saw the ladies---and carried 'em off.
(Bus.--Plant threatening Tupper--Tupper arm up.)
(Exit Tupper quickly.)

Doctor. (aside) Just my luck--lost two cases!
Plant. A plot, sir--a vile plot--whoever the scoundrels are, they shall
pay heavily for this wounded heart.
Doctor. (seriously) Heart? Cardiac? (hand on Plant's heart, listens)
Plant. (half crying, on Doctor's arm) My precious jewels! Two dear
girls, Doctor. who have never caused me a moment's uneasiness all
their blessed lives.
Doctor. Apparently not. Hadn't you better go and look for them?
Plant. (excitedly walks up and down) Ah, you are not a father--
Doctor. (aside, looking through microscope) Hope not--only married
this morning.
Plant. --or you couldn't stand there unmoved. I am struck down in the
flower of my days; this is a stroke, sir, a fatal stroke. Ach! (cries out
with pain--puts hands to his back)
Doctor. That's not a stroke--that's lumbago.
Plant. (hotly) Hang it, sir, I speak in parables--I'm not a patient!
Doctor. Not a patient! Then what do you come here for? Parables are
no good to me. I've got my living to earn! (rings bell) Good afternoon!
(Enter Aurora.)
Aurora. 'Ere's a letter for you, sir.
Doctor. (taking it) Thanks, and show this gentleman out.
Aurora. Very good, sir, we are busy to-day, sir. (to Plant) This way out.
(at door)
Plant. (to Doctor) You little know whom you are insulting. Some day,

sir, your eyes will be opened--and you will discover that the country
cousin--
(Aurora listens and mimics him.)
--whom you spurned from your door, was none other than a fairy prince,
who will this very day lift you from the slough of grovelling poverty to
the realms of affluence and prosperity. Good day, sir!
(Aurora crosses and exits behind Plant.)
Doctor. (alone) "This very day"--"Affluence and prosperity"--"fairy
prince"--oh, he's off his dot! (looks at postmark) "Ambleside." Why, it's
from (rises and crosses L.) Aunt Susannah! "My dear Nephew: I have
heard glowing accounts of your success." My success! "I long to see
my brilliant nephew --I'm coming up to London to-morrow."
To-morrow--to-morrow, (looks at calander) that's Saturday, good job
it's not to-day. Mrs. O'Hara's got an Irish party on upstairs and Aunt
Susie's so awfully quiet she can't stand the slightest noise, (reads) "It is
my constant joy to know that you are devoting your days--and I daresay
many of your nights--to the noble work of alleviating human
suffering." (looks at her picture--reads) "I mean to do all that my
money can do to help you to pursue your glorious profession with
everything in your favor." Its too good to be true! (rises) No, it isn't
Quayle's right again! Flo has brought me luck, and on our wedding day!
(pause) The very day! That's what that silly old man with the dyed hair
meant. By Jove! he is a fairy prince! Oh, Flo, Flo, what a honeymoon
we'll have! (dances all over the room with delight, seizing a sofa
cushion to dance with)
(Enter Aurora. followed by Ruby. Pearl. Waverly and Andrew in single
file.)
Aurora. The Doctor'll see you directly. Take your seats, please.
(Ruby and Pearl sit on couch, Ruby L. of Pearl; Andrew and Waverly R.
C, laughing.)

TABLEAU.
Doctor. (stops dancing suddenly--aside) Quayle's right again! They're
flowing in, simply flowing in! (sits at table--to Waverly down r.) Good
afternoon. Won't you sit down?
(Waverly sits O. P. corner.)
Now what can I do for you? What's the trouble, eh?
Andrew. (behind Doctor. slaps him on back, laughing) What do you
take us for, Dull Boy?
Doctor. (turning round) Why, it's Merry Andrew!
Andrew. Of course it is! How are you? This is Mr. Vane, old friend of
mine.
Waver. (other side of Doctor) How are you? (shakes hands)
Doctor. (between them) Not a patient? (to Andrew) Who are the ladies?
Waver. Don't you know your own cousins?
Doctor. (mystified) Cousins, what cousins?
Ruby. (coming down L. of him--Andrew gives way) Second cousins.
Pearl. (coming down r. of him--Waver, gives way) On mother's side.
Doctor. I know, you're the Plants from Southsea? But how could I
recognise you? I haven't seen you for so long.
Pearl. (making eyes at Doctor) We hope to see you every day now;
we're in town for a week.
Doctor. (aside) What does she make eyes at me like that for?
Ruby. Yes, just across the road--dear Jack!

Doctor. (aside) "Dear Jack?" This is very sudden! (to them) Er--have
some tea? (rings bell on table)
Pearl. Oh, thank you. I love tea.
(Girls