Nothing to Eat

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Title: Nothing to Eat
Author: Horatio Alger [supposed]
Release Date: June, 2004 [EBook #5868]
[Yes, we are more than one
year ahead of schedule]
[This file was first posted on September 15,
2002]
Edition: 10

Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
0. START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK NOTHING TO
EAT ***
Produced by Charles Aldarondo, Charles Franks
and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team
[Illustration: "PROTESTING, EXCUSING, AND SWEARING A
VOW,
SHE'D NOTHING WORTH EATING TO GIVE US FOR
DINNER."]
NOTHING TO EAT.
Illustrated.
NOT
By the Author of "Nothing to Wear"
"I'll nibble a little at what I have got."
--"My appetite's none of the best.
And so I must pamper the delicate
thing."
--The least mite will suffice:
A side bone and dressing and bit of the
breast.
The tip of the rump--that's it--and one of the fli's"
NEW YORK:
1857
Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1857, by
EDWARD O. JENKINS,
in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of
New York.

Respectfully Dedicated
TO ALL LADIES "DYING WITH DYSPEPSIA.
"Where fashion and folly are all of a suit."
BY A JOLLY GOOD NATURED AUTHOR.
CONTENTS.
THE ARGUMENT
THE PROOF--THE QUEEN OF FASHION
THE OBJECT AIMED AT
WHAT ANOTHER POET DID
HOW THE AUTHOR SOMETIMES DINES
MERDLE THE BANKER
PLACES WHERE MORTALS DINE
THINGS THAT MORTALS EAT THERE
THE INVITATION
THE MERDLE ORIGIN
MRS. MERDLE AT HOME
MRS. MERDLE GOES TO MARKET
THE DINNER-BELL RINGS
THE DINNER TABLE TALK
MRS. MERDLE DOUBTS PARADISE'S UNEATING
PLEASURES

MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THINGS EARTHLY
MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THINGS EATABLE
MRS. MERDLE ORDERETH THE SECOND COURSE
MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF HYGIENE AND FISH
SAUCE
MRS. MEEDLE DESCRIBETH HER DOCTOR
MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH AGAIN ON DINNER
MRS. MERDLE ACCEPTETH OF A SLIGHT DINNER,
SUITABLE FOR A WOMAN SUFFERING WITH DYSPEPSIA.
MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF WISHES AND HER
SUFFERING
MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF PUDDING
MRS. MERDLE DISCOURSETH OF THE NECESSITY OF
GOOD WINE AND OTHER MATTERS
MRS. MERDLE SUGGESTETH THAT DINNER BEING
FINISHED, THE GENTLEMEN WILL SMOKE. IN THE
MEANTIME, SHE DISCOURSETH
MRS. MERDLE, HAVING "NIBBLED A LITTLE" FOR TWO
HOURS AT DINNER, RETIRETH FROM THE TABLE
UNSATISFIED
THE POET MORALIZETH.--HE DISCOURSETH TO THOSE
WHO GORGE AND COMPLAIN
HE DISCOURSETH OF THE WHEREFORE OF
BACHELORISM
HE DISCOURSETH OF WHAT SOME MORTALS LIVE FOR

HE IMPLORETH MERCY UPON THOSE WHO ARE
CONDEMNED WITH FASHIONABLE FOLLY TO MARRY,
AND ILLUSTRATETH THEIR CONDITION
HE IMPLORETH MERCY FOR OTHER UNFORTUNATE
BEINGS
HE DISCOURSETH OF A COMMON PRAYER
HE DISCOURSETH OF TROUBLE AND SORROW
HE MORALIZETH UPON WHAT A DAY MAY BRING FORTH
HAVING REACHED THIRTYSIXTHLY, THE AUTHOR IS
ABOUT TO MAKE THE "APPLICATION," AND PRAY
FORGIVENESS, BUT CONCLUDES BY REMAINING INCOG
ILLUSTRATIONS.
PLATE I, NOTHING TO EAT
PLATE II, THE "DINING SALOON"
PLATE III, THE INVITATION TO DINNER
PLATE IV, KITTY MALONE'S INHERITANCE
PLATE V, THE MEAT MARKET
PLATE VI, THE DINNER
PLATE VII, THE WATER CURE
PLATE VIII, AFTER DINNER
Nothing To Eat.
Not by the Author of "Nothing to Wear."

The Argument
THOUGH famine prevails not at all in the city;
Though none of
starvation have died in the street;
Yet many there are now exciting
our pity,
Who're daily complaining of nothing to eat.
The every-day cry and the every-day fare,
That's every day heard
where the Livewells are dining,
Is nothing to eat, or else nothing to
wear,
Which naked and starving rich Merdles are whining.
There's Kitty Malone--Mrs. Merdle 'tis now--
Was ever on earth here
before such a sinner;
Protesting, excusing and swearing a vow,

She'd nothing worth eating to give us for dinner.
Why Kitty, if starving for want of a meal,
And had'nt a cent in the
world to buy meat,
You wouldn't exclaim with a more pious zeal,

"I'm dying of hunger--we've nothing to eat!!"
The Proof--the Queen of Fashion
The point I advance, if it need confirmation,
I'll