Nonsense Books | Page 8

"This comes Of sharpening one's nails with a file!"
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There was an Old Man of th' Abruzzi, So blind that he couldn't his foot see; When they said, "That's your toe," he replied, "Is it so?" That doubtful Old Man of th' Abruzzi.
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There was an Old Man of Calcutta, Who perpetually ate bread and butter; Till a great bit of muffin, on which he was stuffing, Choked that horrid Old Man of Calcutta.
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There was an Old Person of Rhodes, Who strongly objected to toads; He paid several cousins to catch them by dozens, That futile Old Person of Rhodes.
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There was an Old Man of the South, Who had an immoderate mouth; But in swallowing a dish that was quite full of Fish, He was choked, that Old Man of the South.
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There was an Old Man of Melrose, Who walked on the tips of his toes; But they said, "It ain't pleasant to see you at present, You stupid Old Man of Melrose."
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There was an Old Man of the Dee, Who was sadly annoyed by a Flea; When he said, "I will scratch it!" they gave him a hatchet, Which grieved that Old Man of the Dee.
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There was a Young Lady of Lucca, Whose lovers completely forsook her; She ran up a tree, and said "Fiddle-de-dee!" Which embarrassed the people of Lucca.
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There was an Old Man of Coblenz, The length of whose legs was immense; He went with one prance from Turkey to France, That surprising Old Man of Coblenz.
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There was an Old Man of Bohemia, Whose daughter was christened Euphemia; But one day, to his grief, she married a thief, Which grieved that Old Man of Bohemia.
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There was an Old Man of Corfu, Who never knew what he should do; So he rushed up and down, till the sun made him brown, That bewildered Old Man of Corfu.
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There was an Old Man of Vesuvius, Who studied the works of Vitruvius; When the flames burnt his book, to drinking he took, That morbid Old Man of Vesuvius.
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There was an Old Man of Dundee, Who frequented the top of a tree; When disturbed by the Crows, he abruptly arose, And exclaimed, "I'll return to Dundee!"
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There was an Old Lady whose folly Induced her to sit in a holly; Whereon, by a thorn her dress being torn, She quickly became melancholy.
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There was an Old Man on some rocks, Who shut his Wife up in a box: When she said, "Let me out," he exclaimed, "Without doubt You will pass all your life in that box."
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There was an Old Person of Rheims, Who was troubled with horrible dreams; So to keep him awake they fed him with cake, Which amused that Old Person of Rheims.
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There was an Old Man of Leghorn, The smallest that ever was born; But quickly snapt up he was once by a Puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.
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There was an Old Man in a pew, Whose waistcoat was spotted with blue; But he tore it in pieces, to give to his Nieces, That cheerful Old Man in a pew.
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There was an Old Man of Jamaica, Who suddenly married a Quaker; But she cried out, "Oh, lack! I have married a black!" Which distressed that Old Man of Jamaica.
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There was an Old Man who said, "How Shall I flee from this horrible Cow? I will sit on this stile, and continue to smile, Which may soften the heart of that Cow."
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There was a Young Lady of Troy, Whom several large flies did annoy; Some she killed with a thump, some she drowned at the pump, And some she took with her to Troy.
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There was a Young Lady of Hull, Who was chased by a virulent Bull; But she seized on a spade, and called out, "Who's afraid?" Which distracted that virulent Bull.
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There was an Old Person of Dutton, Whose head was as small as a button; So to make it look big he purchased a wig, And rapidly rushed about Dutton.
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There was an Old Man who said, "Hush! I perceive a young bird in this bush!" When they said, "Is it small?" he replied, "Not at all; It is four times as big as the bush!"
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There was a Young Lady of Russia, Who screamed so that no one could hush her; Her screams were extreme,--no one heard such a scream As was screamed by that Lady of Russia.
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There was a Young Lady of Tyre, Who swept the loud chords of a lyre; At the sound of each sweep she enraptured the deep, And enchanted the city of Tyre.
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There was an Old Person of Bangor, Whose face was distorted with anger; He tore off his boots, and subsisted on roots, That borascible Person of Bangor.
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There was an Old Man of the East, Who gave all his children a feast; But they