My Double Life | Page 7

to climb the trees and to throw myself into the pond, in
which there was more mud than water.
Finally, when I was completely exhausted and subdued, I was taken off,
sobbing, in my aunt's carriage.
I stayed three days at her house, as I was so feverish that my life was
said to be in danger.
My father used to come to my aunt Rosine's, who was then living at 6
Rue de la Chaussée d'Antin. He was on friendly terms with Rossini,
who lived at No. 4 in the same street. He often brought him in, and
Rossini made me laugh with his clever stories and comic grimaces.
My father was as "handsome as a god," and I used to look at him with
pride. I did not know him well, as I saw him so rarely, but I loved him

for his seductive voice and his slow, gentle gestures. He commanded a
certain respect, and I noticed that even my exuberant aunt calmed down
in his presence.
I had recovered, and Dr. Monod, who was attending me, said that I
could now be moved without any fear of ill effects.
We had been waiting for my mother, but she was ill at Haarlem. My
aunt offered to accompany us if my father would take me to the
convent, but he refused, and I can hear him now with his gentle voice
saying:
"No; her mother will take her to the convent. I have written to the
Faures, and the child is to stay there a fortnight."
My aunt was about to protest, but my father replied:
"It's quieter there, my dear Rosine, and the child needs tranquillity
more than anything else."
I went that very evening to my aunt Faure's. I did not care much for her,
as she was cold and affected, but I adored my uncle. He was so gentle
and so calm, and there was an infinite charm in his smile. His son was
as turbulent as I was myself, adventurous and rather hare-brained, so
that we always liked being together. His sister, an adorable, Greuze-like
girl, was reserved, and always afraid of soiling her frocks and even her
pinafores. The poor child married Baron Cerise, and died during her
confinement, in the very flower of youth and beauty, because her
timidity, her reserve, and narrow education had made her refuse to see
a doctor when the intervention of a medical man was absolutely
necessary. I was very fond of her, and her death was a great grief to me.
At present I never see the faintest ray of moonlight without its evoking
a pale vision of her.
I stayed three weeks at my uncle's, roaming about with my cousin and
spending hours lying down flat, fishing for cray-fish in the little stream
that ran through the park. This park was immense, and surrounded by a
wide ditch. How many times I used to have bets with my cousins that I

would jump that ditch! The bet was sometimes three sheets of paper, or
five pins, or perhaps my two pancakes, for we used to have pancakes
every Tuesday. And after the bet I jumped, more often than not falling
into the ditch and splashing about in the green water, screaming
because I was afraid of the frogs, and yelling with terror when my
cousins pretended to rush away.
When I returned to the house my aunt was always watching anxiously
at the top of the stone steps for our arrival. What a lecture I had, and
what a cold look.
"Go upstairs and change your clothes, Mademoiselle," she would say,
"and then stay in your room. Your dinner will be sent to you there
without any dessert."
As I passed the big glass in the hall I caught sight of myself, looking
like a rotten tree stump, and I saw my cousin making signs, by putting
his hand to his mouth, that he would bring me some dessert.
His sister used to go to his mother, who fondled her and seemed to say,
"Thank Heaven you are not like that little Bohemian!" This was my
aunt's stinging epithet for me in moments of anger. I used to go up to
my room with a heavy heart, thoroughly ashamed and vexed, vowing to
myself that I would never again jump the ditch, but on reaching my
room I used to find the gardener's daughter there, a big, awkward,
merry girl, who used to wait on me.
"Oh, how comic Mademoiselle looks like that!" she would say,
laughing so heartily that I was proud of looking comic, and I decided
that when I jumped the ditch again I would get weeds and mud all over
me. When I had undressed and washed I used to put on