Mrs Lirripers Legacy | Page 6

voluntary.
Allowances too must ever be made for a gentleman of the Major's
warmth not relishing being spoke to with a pen in the mouth, and while
I do not know that it is more irritable to my own feelings to have a
low-crowned hat with a broad brim kept on in doors than any other hat
still I can appreciate the Major's, besides which without bearing malice
or vengeance the Major is a man that scores up arrears as his habit

always was with Joshua Lirriper. So at last my dear the Major lay in
wait for Mr. Buffle, and it worrited me a good deal. Mr. Buffle gives
his rap of two sharp knocks one day and the Major bounces to the door.
"Collector has called for two quarters' Assessed Taxes" says Mr. Buffle.
"They are ready for him" says the Major and brings him in here. But on
the way Mr. Buffle looks about him in his usual suspicious manner and
the Major fires and asks him "Do you see a Ghost sir?" "No sir" says
Mr. Buffle. "Because I have before noticed you" says the Major
"apparently looking for a spectre very hard beneath the roof of my
respected friend. When you find that supernatural agent, be so good as
point him out sir." Mr. Buffle stares at the Major and then nods at me.
"Mrs. Lirriper sir" says the Major going off into a perfect steam and
introducing me with his hand. "Pleasure of knowing her" says Mr.
Buffle. "A--hum!--Jemmy Jackman sir!" says the Major introducing
himself. "Honour of knowing you by sight" says Mr. Buffle. "Jemmy
Jackman sir" says the Major wagging his head sideways in a sort of
obstinate fury "presents to you his esteemed friend that lady Mrs.
Emma Lirriper of Eighty-one Norfolk Street Strand London in the
County of Middlesex in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and
Ireland. Upon which occasion sir," says the Major, "Jemmy Jackman
takes your hat off." Mr. Buffle looks at his hat where the Major drops it
on the floor, and he picks it up and puts it on again. "Sir" says the
Major very red and looking him full in the face "there are two quarters
of the Gallantry Taxes due and the Collector has called." Upon which if
you can believe my words my dear the Major drops Mr. Buffle's hat off
again. "This--" Mr. Buffle begins very angry with his pen in his mouth,
when the Major steaming more and more says "Take your bit out sir!
Or by the whole infernal system of Taxation of this country and every
individual figure in the National Debt, I'll get upon your back and ride
you like a horse!" which it's my belief he would have done and even
actually jerking his neat little legs ready for a spring as it was. "This,"
says Mr. Buffle without his pen "is an assault and I'll have the law of
you." "Sir" replies the Major "if you are a man of honour, your
Collector of whatever may be due on the Honourable Assessment by
applying to Major Jackman at the Parlours Mrs. Lirriper's Lodgings,
may obtain what he wants in full at any moment."

When the Major glared at Mr. Buffle with those meaning words my
dear I literally gasped for a teaspoonful of salvolatile in a wine-glass of
water, and I says "Pray let it go no farther gentlemen I beg and beseech
of you!" But the Major could be got to do nothing else but snort long
after Mr. Buffle was gone, and the effect it had upon my whole mass of
blood when on the next day of Mr. Buffle's rounds the Major spruced
himself up and went humming a tune up and down the street with one
eye almost obliterated by his hat there are not expressions in Johnson's
Dictionary to state. But I safely put the street door on the jar and got
behind the Major's blinds with my shawl on and my mind made up the
moment I saw danger to rush out screeching till my voice failed me and
catch the Major round the neck till my strength went and have all
parties bound. I had not been behind the blinds a quarter of an hour
when I saw Mr. Buffle approaching with his Collecting-books in his
hand. The Major likewise saw him approaching and hummed louder
and himself approached. They met before the Airy railings. The Major
takes off his hat at arm's length and says "Mr. Buffle I believe?" Mr.
Buffle takes off HIS hat at arm's length and says "That is my name sir."
Says the Major "Have you any commands for me, Mr. Buffle?" Says
Mr. Buffle "Not any sir." Then my dear both of 'em bowed