Mr. Scraggs | Page 8

joys as possible,
busts into me by takin' holt of my coat and askin' so confidential I
couldn't lie to him, 'How do you find it yourself?'

"'The Lord be good to fools!' says I. 'You got one now, ain't you?'
"''M ya-a-as,' says he, without anything you could figger as wild
enthusiasm in his voice; 'I hev.'
"'Well,' says I, 'multiply one by eighteen, and let's have a drink.'
"'I had to send word to the Elders that Books of Mormon weren't
looked upon as popular readin' in the outlyin' districts, so should I come
home, or try New York City? They sends me word back, wishin' my
work to prosper, to try New York City, but not to draw on 'em for any
more funds until I had a saved sinner or two to show for it. Well, sir,
this last clause jolted me. I had spent money free among them farmers,
to boom trade, and for the purchasin' of fancy clothes, more to look at
than be comfortable in, the idee bein' to show how good a thing the
Church of Mormon was to the first glance of the eye. And now, after
side-trackin' my railroad fare home, I weren't wadin' in wealth, by no
means. More'n that, I understood that the city of New York was a much
more expensive place than St. Looey. So I writ a letter back, tellin' 'em
I was scatterin' seed so's you could hardly see across the street. There
weren't no hope for a crop unless I had more plain sowin'
material--please remit.
"And then they come back at me, sayin' I'd already cost the community
about four hundred and fifty dollars, and not even a Dutchman by way
of results. That I'd understand this weren't said in no mercenary spirit,
but just as a matter of business. They would hold a prayer-meetin', they
said, which, no doubt, would bring the end aimed at, and for me to go
forth strong in the faith and gather 'em up from the wayside.
"I let fly oncet more, sayin' that I was strong in the faith but feeble in
the pocket; that sinners were costly luxuries in a big town like New
York. How was I goin' to play the Prophet and stand the man off for my
board?
"Elder Stimmins wrote back pussonally, exhortin' me to be of good
heart, sayin' further that the days of miracles weren't past; at any
moment the unrepentant might get it in the conscience--and signed
himself my friend and brother in the church, with a P. S. readin':
_Dear Zeke_: My wife Susan Ann will continner to have high-stukes
till I produce a grand pianny. Mary's after a dimint neclas, and my
beluvid spous Eliza (that's the carut-heded one lives down by the rivver)
will put sumthin' in my food if she don't git a gol watch and chane.

Tomlinson's fust three ar rasin' Ned fur new housis, hors and kerige,
and the like. The new ones is more amable, but yellin' fur close and
truck. Uncle Peter Haskins' latest is on the warpath fur a seleskin sak,
and so on and so forth. You know how it is yourself, dear frend and
bro., and we ar broke, so I incurrige you to keep your hart stout, your
faith intack, and hunt up a poker-game sumwheres, becus we honest
ain't got the money.
SAUL STIMMINS.
"'Well!' says the cookee, when he heaved the egg into the coffee, 'that
settles it!' And that settled me. I sure did know how it was myself. If
there was any man in or out of the Territory of Utah that knew how it
was myself, I and him was the same indivijool.
"I took thought of Mrs. Scraggs out there all alone by herself, with her
darlin' Zeke entirely out of reach, and while I don't recommend the idee
of jollyin' yourself by gloatin' over the misfortunes of others, I thinks
this here state of affairs could be worse, and I went forth strong in the
faith to New York City, feelin' I might encounter some kind of quick
action, like Brother Stimmins prophesied.
"And there, you see, is where sinful feelin' in me turned me over to the
enemy, bound hand and foot, gagged and blindfolded. Who was I to
exalt myself agin the smart young men of New York City? How come
it the foolish notion buzzed in my cockloft that, like Samson of old, I
might fall upon the adversary, hip, hurrah, and thigh, and of the
fragments that remained gather seven bushels? Pride goeth before
destruction and a naughty spirit before a fall. Up I sasshays to my hotel
bedroom to take account of resources. Mighty slim they was. In the
false bottom of the trunk was