Mr. Scraggs | Page 5

under her nose. "Well, I'll blow the head clean off your shoulders with it." Then I laid back my ears and rolled my eyes around. Well, sir, she was scart so's she didn't know anything but what I said. I hated to treat a lady like that, but if I've learned anything concerning handlin' the sect, it's this--you got to be firm. There's where I made my mistake formerly. Then I let go of her and went back to the deppo. What she thought I couldn't even guess, but I knew I was goin' to have company, and, sure enough, 'bout three minutes before train time, here comes our friend. When I got her safe aboard I told her she needn't be scart. Lots worse things could happen to her than marryin' Aleck, and she says "yessir," and she kept on sayin' "yessir" to all I told her.--Wisht I could have found one like that, instead of eighty of 'em that stood ready to jump down my throat the minute I opened my mouth.--She told me she'd had a middlin' hard time of it and didn't mind a change. That surprised me a little, because I jedged from Aleck's talk she was an upstandin' critter--but, pshaw! Aleck would think a worm was a sassy thing if it squirmed in his direction. Then I telegraphed Con Foster to have me a buggy and a minister ready for the three o'clock train, and to keep his yawp calked up. So as soon as I hit land again, there was the rig complete; we hopped in and started a-coming at once and fast, and here we are; for which I raise thanks, and all the curses of the Mormon gods be on the head of the man that gets me into such a play as this again! Snake old Aleck out and get the misery done with. That minister's chargin' me fifty cents an hour, and I don't know whether he's the real thing or not, at that. Con whispered in my ear that he worked in a grocery when he first struck town, dealt stud-poker for Johnny Early, quit that and took to school-teachin', then threw that up and preached. But what's the difference out here? He's expensive, anyhow, and all Con could find.'
"So I wagged my legs for the house and trotted Aleck down to the bull-pen.
"'Friend of yours there,' I told him.
"'That so?' says he. 'Who is it?'
"'Lady,' I says, kind of gay, thinkin' he'd be pleased.
"He stopped in his tracks. Then I remembered who I was talkin' to.
"'Come along, here, now!' says I, and nailed him by the neck. 'You ain't goin' to miss your happiness if main strength can give it to you.' His toes touched about once to the rod. I run him into the pen.
"'There,' says I, 'is somebody you know.'
"Well, sir, old Aleck looked at the gal, and the gal looked at Aleck, and the rest of us looked at each other. Soon's the kid got his breath from the shock he yells, 'I never laid eyes on that lady before!'
"Oh, Hivins, Maria! That was the awfullest minute I ever lived through. Poor old E. G. W. S.! We all turned away from him, out of pity. He had the expression of a man that's fell down a hundred-foot prospect hole and been struck by lightning before he touched bottom. He grabbed aholt of the minister and swallered and swallered, unable to chirp.
"At last he rallied. 'You mean to tell me, Aleck,' he says, in a voice hardly strong enough to get through his mustache, 'that I've made a mistake?'
"Aleck was always willing to believe he was wrong. 'I'm pretty sure, Zeke--I ain't never seen you, have I, Miss?'
"'No, sir--not that I know of,' answers the girl, with her eyes on the ground.
"E. G. W. rubbed his brow.
"'Will you make good, anyhow, Aleck?' he coaxed. 'I got the minister and all right here--it won't take a minute.'
"I'd let go of Aleck in the excitement. At these words he made one step from where he stood in the house, through the window, to ten foot out of doors, and a few more steps like that, and he was out of the question.
"Then the girl put her face in her hands and begun to cry. She was a mighty pretty, innocent, plump little thing, and we'd rather have had most anything than that she should stand there cryin'. But we were all hung by the feet and wandering in our minds. The simple life of the cow-puncher doesn't fit him to grapple with problems like that.
"Then, sir, up gets Ezekiel George Washington Scraggs, master of himself and the situation.
"'Young lady,' says he, 'I have got you out here under false pretenses. I'm as homely as a hedge