Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen | Page 9

was th' capital iv
Sweden. They'll not give him th' boots on that there question. Ye bet
ye'er life they won't, Jawn.
"I seen th' aldherman go by yisterdah; an' he'd shook his dimon 'stud,
an' he looked as poor as a dhrayman. He's rayformed. Th' little

Dutchman that was ilicted to th' legislachure says he will stay home.
Says I, 'Why?' Says he, 'There's nawthin' in it.' He's rayformed. Th'
wather inspictor, that used to take a dhrink an' a seegar an' report me
two pipes less thin I have, turned me in las' week f'r a garden hose an' a
ploonge bath. He's rayformed. Th' wave iv rayform has sthruck, an'
we're all goin' around now with rubbers on.
"They've organized th' Ar-rchey Road Lexow Sodality, an' 'tis th' wan
institootion that Father Kelly up west iv th' bridge 'll duck his head to.
All th' best citizens is in it. Th' best citizens is thim that th' statue iv
limitations was made f'r. Barrister Hogan tol' me--an' a dacint man, but
give to dhrink--that, whin a man cud hide behind th' statue iv
limitations, he was all r-right. I niver seen it. Is that th' wan on th' lake
front? No, tubby sure, tubby sure. No wan 'd hide behind that.
"Th' Ar-rchey Road Lexow Sodality is composed iv none but square
men. They all have th' coin, Jawn. A man that's broke can't be square.
He's got too much to do payin' taxes. If I had a million, divvle th' step
would I step to confession. I'd make th' soggarth come an' confess to
me. They say that th' sthreets iv Hivin was paved with goold. I'll bet ye
tin to wan that with all th' square men that goes there ivry year they
have ilecloth down now."
"Oh, go on," said Mr. McKenna.
"I was goin' to tell ye about th' Lexow Sodality. Well, th' chairman iv it
is Doherty, th' retired plumber. He sold me a house an' lot wanst, an'
skinned me out iv wan hundherd dollars. He got th' house an' lot back
an' a morgedge. But did ye iver notice th' scar on his nose? I was
r-rough in thim days. Ol' Mike Hogan is another mimber. Ye know him.
They say he hires constables be th' day f'r to serve five days' notices.
Manny's th' time I see th' little furniture out on th' sthreet, an' th' good
woman rockin' her baby under th' open sky. Hogan's tinants. Ol' Dinnis
Higgins is another wan. An' Brannigan, th' real estate dealer. He was in
th' assissors' office. May Gawd forgive him! An' Clancy, that was
bail-bondman at Twelfth Sthreet.
"They appointed comities, an' they held a meetin'. I wint there. So did

some iv th' others. 'Twas at Finucane's, an' th' hall was crowded. All th'
sodality made speeches. Doherty made a great wan. Th' air was reekin'
with corruption, says he. Th' polis foorce was rotten to th' core. Th'
rights iv property was threatened. What, says he, was we goin' to do
about it?
"Danny Gallagher got up, as good a lad as iver put that in his face to
desthroy his intelligence, as Shakspere says. 'Gintlemen,' says he, 'wan
wurrud befure we lave,' he says. 'I've listened to th' speeches here
to-night with satisfaction,' he says. 'I'm proud to see th' rayform wave
have sthruck th' road,' he says. 'Th' rascals must be dhriven fr'm th' high
places,' he says. 'I see befure me in a chair a gintleman who wud steal a
red-hot stove an' freeze th' lid befure he got home. On me right is th'
gintleman who advanced th' wave iv rayform tin years ago be puttin'
Mrs. Geohegan out on th' sthreet in a snowstorm whin she was roarin'
with a cough. Mrs. Geohegan have rayformed, peace be with her
undher th' dhrifts iv Calv'ry! I am greeted be th' smile iv me ol' frind
Higgins. We are ol' frinds, Dinnis, now, ain't we? D'ye mind th' calls I
made on ye, with th' stamps undher me arms, whin I wurruked in th'
post-office? I've thought iv thim whin th' lockstep was goin' in to
dinner, an' prayed f'r th' day whin I might see ye again. An' you,
Misther Brannigan, who knows about vacant lots, an' you Misther
Clancy, th' frind iv th' dhrunk an' disordherly, we're proud to have ye
here. 'Tis be such as ye that th' polisman who dhrinks on th' sly, an' th'
saloon-keeper that keeps open f'r th' la-ads an' th' newsboys that shoots
craps, 'll be brought to justice. Down with crime! says I.
Fellow-citizens, I thank ye kindly. Th' meetin' is adjourned siney dee;
an' I app'int Missers Dooley, O'Brien, Casey, Pug Slattery, an' mesilf to
lade out