Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen

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Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen?by Finley Peter Dunne

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Title: Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen
Author: Finley Peter Dunne
Release Date: October 18, 2004 [EBook #13784]
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MR. DOOLEY
IN THE HEARTS OF HIS COUNTRYMEN
By
FINLEY PETER DUNNE
[Illustration: Decoration: SCIRE QVOD SCIENDVM]
Boston Small, Maynard & Company
1899

Copyright, 1898, 1899, by the Chicago Journal Copyright, 1899, by Robert Howard Russell Copyright, 1899, by Small, Maynard & Company
Entered at Stationers' Hall
First Edition (10,000 copies) October, 1899 Second Edition (10,000 copies) October, 1899 Third Edition (10,000 copies) October, 1899 Before Publication
Press of George H. Ellis, Boston, U.S.A.

TO SIR GEORGE NEWNES, BART. MESSRS. GEORGE ROUTLEDGE & SONS LIMITED AND OTHER PUBLISHERS WHO, UNINVITED, PRESENTED MR. DOOLEY TO A PART OF THE BRITISH PUBLIC

PREFACE.
The author may excuse the presentation of these sketches to the public on the ground that, if he did not publish some of them, somebody would, and, if he did not publish the others, nobody would. He has taken the liberty to dedicate the book to certain enterprising gentlemen in London who have displayed their devotion to a sentiment now widely prevailing in the Music Halls by republishing an American book without solicitation on the author's part. At the same time he begs to reserve in petto a second dedication to the people of Archey Road, whose secluded gayety he has attempted to discover to the world.
With the sketches that come properly under the title "Mr. Dooley: In the Hearts of His Countrymen" are printed a number that do not. It has seemed impossible to a man who is not a Frenchman, and who is, therefore, tremendously excited over the case, to avoid discussion of the Jabberwocky of the Rennes court-martial as it is reported in America and England. Mr. Dooley cannot lag behind his fellow Anglo-Saxons in this matter. It is sincerely to be hoped that his small contribution to the literature of the subject will at last open the eyes of France to the necessity of conducting her trials, parliamentary sessions, revolutions, and other debates in a language more generally understood in New York and London.
F.P.D.
DUBLIN, August 30, 1899.

CONTENTS. PAGE
EXPANSION 3
A HERO WHO WORKED OVERTIME 8
RUDYARD KIPLING 13
LORD CHARLES BERESFORD 18
HANGING ALDERMEN 23
THE GRIP 30
LEXOW 35
THEIR EXCELLENCIES, THE POLICE 41
SHAUGHNESSY 45
TIMES PAST 50
THE SKIRTS OF CHANCE 56
WHEN THE TRUST IS AT WORK 61
A BRAND FROM THE BURNING 66
A WINTER NIGHT 72
THE BLUE AND THE GRAY 76
THE TRAGEDY OF THE AGITATOR 82
BOYNE WATER AND BAD BLOOD 85
THE FREEDOM PICNIC 92
THE IDLE APPRENTICE 96
THE O'BRIENS FOREVER 101
A CANDIDATE'S PILLORY 107
THE DAY AFTER THE VICTORY 113
A VISIT TO JEKYL ISLAND 119
SLAVIN CONTRA WAGNER 125
GRAND OPERA 130
THE CHURCH FAIR 135
THE WANDERERS 139
MAKING A CABINET 143
OLD AGE 149
THE DIVIDED SKIRT 154
A BIT OF HISTORY 158
THE RULING CLASS 165
THE OPTIMIST 170
PROSPERITY 175
THE GREAT HOT SPELL 180
KEEPING LENT 185
THE QUICK AND THE DEAD 190
THE SOFT SPOT 196
THE IRISHMAN ABROAD 202
THE SERENADE 206
THE HAY FLEET 210
THE PERFORMANCES OF LIEUTENANT HOBSON 216
THE DECLINE OF NATIONAL FEELING 222
"CYRANO DE BERGERAC" 228
THE UNION OF TWO GREAT FORTUNES 234
THE DREYFUS CASE:
I. 240
II. 249
III. 259
IV. 268
V. 276

Mr. DOOLEY:
In the Hearts of His Countrymen

EXPANSION.
"Whin we plant what Hogan calls th' starry banner iv Freedom in th' Ph'lippeens," said Mr. Dooley, "an' give th' sacred blessin' iv liberty to the poor, down-trodden people iv thim unfortunate isles,--dam thim!--we'll larn thim a lesson."
"Sure," said Mr. Hennessy, sadly, "we have a thing or two to larn oursilves."
"But it isn't f'r thim to larn us," said Mr. Dooley. "'Tis not f'r thim wretched an' degraded crathers, without a mind or a shirt iv their own, f'r to give lessons in politeness an' liberty to a nation that mannyfacthers more dhressed beef than anny other imperyal nation in th' wurruld. We say to thim: 'Naygurs,' we say, 'poor, dissolute, uncovered wretches,' says we, 'whin th' crool hand iv Spain forged man'cles f'r ye'er limbs, as Hogan says, who was it crossed th' say an' sthruck off th' comealongs? We did,--by dad, we did. An' now, ye mis'rable, childish-minded apes, we propose f'r to larn ye th' uses iv liberty. In ivry city in this unfair land we will erect school-houses an' packin' houses an' houses iv correction; an' we'll larn ye our language, because 'tis aisier to larn ye ours than to larn oursilves yours. An' we'll give ye clothes, if ye pay f'r thim; an', if ye don't, ye