Mr Pim Passes By | Page 9

as topsy-turvy as his tastes and--er--politics, as I've no doubt they are (rising and moving to L.), then-er--In short, I do not approve of Brian Strange as a husband for my niece and ward. (Knocks pipe out down L.)
OLIVIA (looking at him thoughtfully). You are a curious mixture, George. You were so very unconventional when you married me, and you're so very conventional when Brian wants to marry Dinah.... George Marden to marry the widow of a convict!
GEORGE (advancing). Convict! What do you mean?
OLIVIA. Jacob Telworthy, convict--I forget his number--surely I told you all this, dear, when we got engaged?
GEORGE. Never!
OLIVIA. Oh, but I told you how he carelessly put the wrong signature to a cheque for a thousand pounds in England; how he made a little mistake about two or three companies he'd promoted in Australia; and how--
GEORGE. Yes, yes (crossing slowly to C. below OLIVIA), but you never told me he'd been--er--well--convicted!
OLIVIA. What difference does it make?
GEORGE. My dear Olivia, if you can't see that--a--a--oh, well!
OLIVIA. Oh! A convict! So, you see, we needn't be too particular about our niece, need we?
GEORGE. I think we had better leave your first husband out of the conversation altogether. I never wished to refer to him; I never wish to hear about him again. I certainly had not realized that he was actually-- er--well--convicted for his--er--(_moving to writing-table and picking up his cap_).
OLIVIA. Mistakes. GEORGE. Well, we needn't go into that. As for this other matter, I don't for a moment take it seriously. Dinah is an exceptionally pretty girl, and young. Strange is a good-looking boy. (Coming down to back of settee L.) If they are attracted to each other, it is a mere outward attraction which I am convinced will not lead to any lasting happiness. (OLIVIA is about to protest.) That must be regarded as my last word in the matter, Olivia. If this Mr.--er--what was his name, comes, I shall be down at the farm. (GEORGE _goes out by the staircase up_ R.)
(Left alone, OLIVIA rises, goes up C., _takes up her curtains again and crossing down L. sits on settee, and gets calmly to work upon them_.)
(DINAH comes in by the windows from up R. and crosses to L. _window at back, then seeing OLIVIA, beckons to BRIAN and runs down to back of settee to R. of OLIVIA. BRIAN enters from up R., and follows down to back of table_ L.C.)
DINAH (over back of settee). Finished?
OLIVIA (startled). Oh, no, I've got all these rings to put on.
DINAH. I meant talking to George.
OLIVIA. Oh!
BRIAN. We walked about outside----
DINAH. Until we heard him not talking to you any more----
BRIAN. And we didn't kiss each other once.
DINAH AND BRIAN (pointing roguishly and with satisfaction at OLIVIA). Ah!
DINAH. Brian was very George-like. He wouldn't even let me tickle the back of his neck. (She goes suddenly to OLIVIA and sits on her L.) Darling (putting her arms round OLIVIA and kissing her), being George-like is a very nice thing to be--I mean a nice thing for other people to be--I mean--oh, you know what I mean. But say that he's going to be decent about it.
OLIVIA. Of course he is, Dinah.
BRIAN (sits on stool L.C., and leans forward eagerly). You mean he'll let me come here as--as----
DINAH. As my young man?
OLIVIA. Oh, I think so.
DINAH (kissing OLIVIA). Olivia, you're a wonder.
(Embraces her round the neck.)
(Rising and crossing below BRIAN, touching him on the shoulder.)
Brian!
(_Crossing to piano, sits and plays five bars of "The Wedding March," rises and crosses at back of BRIAN to L. of OLIVIA behind settee_.)
Have you really talked him round?
OLIVIA. I haven't said anything yet.
DINAH (very disappointed). Oh!
(BRIAN rises and backs to C.)
OLIVIA. But I dare say I shall think of something.
BRIAN. Oh! my lord.
DINAH (disappointedly). Oh!
BRIAN (going up C.). After all, Dinah, I'm going back to London to- morrow----
DINAH (crossing quickly towards BRIAN). Oh, no, no!
OLIVIA. Now, Dinah. You can be good for one more day, and then when Brian isn't here, we'll see what we can do.
DINAH (placing her hands on BRIAN'S shoulders). Yes, but I didn't want him to go back to-morrow.
BRIAN (sternly, taking her hands away). Must. Hard work before me. (DINAH moves to back of table L.C.) Earn thousands a year. (_Going down R. DINAH and OLIVIA are amused_). Paint the Mayor and Corporation of Pudsey, life-size, including chains of office; paint slice of haddock on plate. Copy Landseer for old gentleman in Bayswater. Design antimacassar for middle-aged sofa in Streatham. (_Sitting and putting his legs up on settee R_.) Oh, yes. Earn a living for you. Dinah.
DINAH (giggling). Oh, Brian, you're heavenly. What fun we shall have when we're married.
BRIAN (with exaggerated dignity). Sir Brian Strange, R.A., if you please, Miss Marden. Sir Brian Strange, R.A., writes: "Your Sanogene has