Mr Pim Passes By | Page 6

me, George. I think they would be happy together.
GEORGE (crossing to fire-place L., to BRIAN). And what do you propose to be happy together on?
BRIAN (R.C.). Well, of course, I know it doesn't amount to much at present, but we shan't starve.
DINAH. Brian got fifty pounds for a picture last March!
GEORGE (a little upset by this). Oh! (Recovering gamely.) And how many pictures have you sold since?
BRIAN (gives a nervous look at OLIVIA and DINAH, _who then sits on settee_ R.). Well, none, but--
GEORGE. None! And I don't wonder. Who the devil is going to buy pictures with triangular clouds and square sheep? (BRIAN, annoyed, moves up R.C.) And they call that Art nowadays! Good God, man (_moving up to the windows_), go outside and look at the clouds!
OLIVIA (busy stitching rings on curtains). If he draws round clouds in future, George, will you let him marry Dinah?
(GEORGE looks round, annoyed. BRIAN is hopeful and comes down towards DINAH.)
GEORGE (upset by this, coming down to head of L.C. table). What-- what? Yes, of course, you would be on his side--all this Futuristic nonsense. (OLIVIA commences to sew.) I'm just taking these clouds as an example. (Crossing to BRIAN.) I suppose I can see as well as any man in the county, and I say that clouds aren't triangular.
BRIAN (ingratiatingly). After all, sir, at my age one is naturally experimenting, and trying to find one's (with a laugh)--well, it sounds priggish, but one's medium of expression. I shall find out what I want to do directly, but I think I shall always be able to earn enough to live on. Well, I have for the last three years.
GEORGE. I see, and now you want to experiment with a wife--
BRIAN. Yes--no--no--
DINAH. Yes, you do,
BRIAN. Yes.
GEORGE. And you propose to experimenting with my niece?
BRIAN (with a shrug). Well, of course, if you--
OLIVIA. You could help the experiment, darling, by giving Dinah a good allowance until she's twenty-one.
GEORGE. Help the experiment! I don't want to help the experiment. (Crossing up to writing-table.)
OLIVIA (apologetically). Oh, I thought you did.
GEORGE. You will talk as if I was made of money. What with taxes always going up and rents always going down, it's as much as we can do to rub along as we are (to back of L.C. table), without making allowances to everybody who thinks she wants to get married. (To BRIAN.) And that's thanks to you, my friend.
BRIAN (surprised). To me?
OLIVIA. You never told me, darling. What's Brian been doing?
DINAH (indignantly). He hasn't been doing anything.
GEORGE (round to foot of table L.C.). He's one of your Socialists who go turning the country upside down.
OLIVIA. But even Socialists must get married sometimes.
GEORGE (crossing below OLIVIA to fireplace). I don't see any necessity.
OLIVIA. But you'd have nobody to damn after dinner, darling, if they all died out.
BRIAN (coming a little C.). Really, sir, I don't see what my politics and my art have got to do with it. I'm perfectly ready not to talk about either when I'm in your house, and as Dinah doesn't seem to object to them----
DINAH (moving towards BRIAN and championing him). I should think she doesn't.
GEOEOE. Oh, you can get round the women, I daresay.
BRIAN. Well, it's Dinah I want to marry and live with. So what it really comes to is that you don't think I can support a wife.
GEORGE. Well, if you're going to do it by selling pictures, I don't think you can.
BRIAN (moving to R. of table L.C.). All right, tell me how much you want me to earn in a year, and I'll earn it.
GEORGE (hedging). It isn't merely a question of money. I just mention that as one thing--one of the important things. (GEORGE crosses to BRIAN who backs towards DINAH.) In addition to that, I think you are both too young to marry. (DINAH stamps her foot.) I don't think you know your own minds (DINAH kneels dejectedly on settee R.), and I am not at all persuaded that, with what I venture to call your outrageous tastes----
DINAH. Oh!
GEORGE You and my niece will live happily together. (_Pause. Crossing up to writing-table, sits_.) Just because she thinks she loves you, Dinah may persuade herself now that she agrees with all you say and do, but she has been properly brought up in an honest English country household-- (DINAH throws up her arms and buries her face in her hands on piano) and--er--she--well, in short, I cannot at all approve of any engagement between you. (Getting up.) Olivia, if this Mr.--er--Pim comes, I shall be down at the farm You might send him along to me.
(He walks towards the windows up L.)
BRIAN (moving up R., followed by DINAH; indignantly). Is there any reason why I shouldn't marry a girl who has been properly brought up?
GEORGE.