More Fables

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More Fables

The Project Gutenberg EBook of More Fables, by George Ade This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: More Fables
Author: George Ade
Release Date: April 7, 2004 [EBook #11930]
Language: English
Character set encoding: ASCII
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MORE FABLES
by GEORGE ADE
author of
FABLES in SLANG
ILLUSTRATED by
CLYDE J. NEWMAN
1900.

Table of Contents
The Fable of How Uncle Brewster was Too Shifty for the Tempter
The Fable of the Grass Widow and the Mesmeree and the Six Dollars
The Fable of the Honest Money-Maker and the Partner of His Joys, Such as They Were The Fable of Why Sweetie Flew the Track
The Fable of the Ex-Chattel and the Awful Swat that was Waiting for the Colonel
The Fable of the Corporation Director and the Mislaid Ambition
The Fable of What Happened the Night the Men Came to the Women's Club
The Fable of Why Essie's Tall Friend Got the Fresh Air
The Fable of the Michigan Counterfeit Who Wasn't One Thing or the Other
The Fable of the Adult Girl Who Got Busy Before They Could Ring the Bell on Her
The Fable of the Man-Grabber Who Went Out of His Class
The Fable of the Inveterate Joker who Remained in Montana
The Fable of the Cruel Insult and the Arrival of the Lover from No. 6
The Fable of the Lodge Fiend, and the Delilah Trick Played by His Wife
The Fable of the Apprehensive Sparrow and Her Daily Escape
The Fable of the Regular Customer and the Copper-Lined Entertainer
The Fable of Lutie, the False Alarm, and How She Finished about the Time that She Started
The Fable of the Cotillon Leader from the Huckleberry District with the Intermittent Memory
The Fable of the He-Gossip and the Man's Wife and the Man
The Fable of the Author Who was Sorry for What He Did to Willie

THE FABLE OF HOW UNCLE BREWSTER WAS TOO SHIFTY FOR THE TEMPTER
When Uncle Brewster had put on his Annual Collar and combed his Beard and was about to start to the Depot, his Wife, Aunt Mehely, looked at him through her Specs and shook her Head doubtfully.
Then she spoke as follows: "You go slow there in the City. You know your Failin's. You're just full of the Old Harry, and when you're Het Up you're just like as not to Raise Ned."
"I guess I can take keer of myse'f about as well as the Next One," retorted Uncle Brewster. "I've been to the Mill an' got my Grist, if any one should ask. I ain't no Greeny."
With that he started for the Train, which was due in one Hour.
As he rode toward the Great City he smoked a Baby Mine Cigar, purchased of the Butcher, and told the Brakeman a few Joe Millers just to throw out the Impression that he was Fine and Fancy.
After he had Registered at the Hotel and Swelled Up properly when addressed as "Mister" by the Clerk, he wanted to know if there was a Lively Show in Town. The Clerk told him to follow the Street until he came to all the Electric Lights, and there he would find a Ballet. Uncle Brewster found the Place, and looked in through the Hole at an Assistant Treasurer, who was Pale and wore a Red Vest.
[Illustration: UNCLE BREWSTER]
"I want a Chair near the Band," said Uncle Brewster. "How much does one of 'em Fetch?"
"Two Dollars," replied the Assistant Treasurer, pulling down his Cuffs and then examining himself in a small Mirror at one side of the Diagram.
"Great Grief!" ejaculated Uncle Brewster. "I only paid Thirty-Five Cents for the Glass Blowers, an' I'll warrant you they beat your Troupe as bad as Cranberries beats Glue. I'll see you plumb in Halifax before I--"
"Stand aside, please," said the Assistant Treasurer.
Uncle Brewster saw a Policeman, and thought it his Duty to tell the Officer that the Theater Folks were a Pack of Robbers.
"Up an Alley," said the Policeman.
Instead of going to a Show, Uncle Brewster stood in front of a Clothing Store and watched the Wax Figures.
When he got back to his Room the Bell-Hopper came around and asked him if he cared to Sit in a Quiet Game. Uncle Brewster wanted to know whether they were Gamblers or Business Men, and the Boy said they were Business Men. It was all Friendly, with an Ante of Two Bits and the Chandelier as the Limit. Uncle Brewster said he was accustomed to playing with Lima Beans, Three for a Cent and One call Two and no fair to Bluff. The Bell-Hopper told him to Turn In and get a