Monsieur de Pourceaugnac | Page 2

take place. This is telling you that we have many schemes in hand for the occasion, and that our clever N��rine and the dexterous Sbrigani have undertaken to bring the affair to a successful issue.
NER. Yes, we have indeed. Is your father crazy to think of entangling you with his lawyer of Limoges; that Mr. de Pourceaugnac, whom he has never seen in his life, and who comes by the coach to take you away before our very eyes? Ought three or four thousand crowns, more or less--and that, too, upon the word of your uncle--to make him refuse a lover you like? Besides, are you made for a Limousin? If he has taken it into his head to marry, why does he not take one of his own countrywomen, and let Christians be at peace? The very name of Pourceaugnac puts me in a frightful rage. I boil over with Mr. de Pourceaugnac. If it were only because of the name, I would do anything to prevent the match. No, you shall not be Mrs. de Pourceaugnac. Pourceaugnac! Was ever such a name heard of! [Footnote: Pourceaugnac equals _pourceau_, "a young pig," plus the local ending _-gnac_.] No, I could never put up with Pourceaugnac; and we will abuse the man to such an extent, and play him so many tricks, that he will have to return to Limoges, Mr. de Pourceaugnac.
ERA. Here is our cunning Neapolitan, who will give us news.

SCENE IV.--JULIA, ��RASTE, SBRIGANI, N��RINE.
SBRI. Our man has just come, Sir. I saw him at a place three leagues away from here, where the coach stops; and I studied him for more than half an hour in the kitchen, where he went down to breakfast, and I know him now perfectly. As to his appearance, I will say nothing about it; you will see for yourselves what nature has done for him, and if his dress is not the very thing to set that off. But as for his understanding, I can tell you beforehand that it is among the dullest I have met with for a long time. We shall find in him a fit subject to work upon as we like. He is just the man to fall into all the traps laid for him.
ERA. Is all that possible?
SBRI. Perfectly true, and I am skilled in the knowledge of men.
NER. (pointing to SBRIGANI). This is a famous man, Madam; and your affair could not be trusted to better hands. He is the hero of the age, for the wonders he has performed. A man who, twenty times in his life, has generously braved the galleys to serve his friends; who, at the peril of his arms and shoulders, [Footnote: Compare the "royal cautery" in 'The Flying Doctor'] knows how to bring to a successful issue the most difficult enterprises; and who is, in short, banished from his country for I don't know how many honourable actions he has generously engaged in.
SBRI. I am ashamed to hear the praises with which you honour me, and I could most justly extol the marvellous things you did in your life; I could particularly speak of the glory you acquired when you cheated at play that young nobleman we brought to your house, and won twelve thousand crowns from him; when you handsomely made that false contract which ruined a whole family; when with such greatness of soul you denied all knowledge of the deposit which had been entrusted to you, and so generously gave evidence which hung two innocent people.
NER. These are trifles not worth mentioning, and your praises make me blush.
SBRI. Then I will spare your modesty. Let us leave that aside, and speak of our business. To begin with, I will quickly rejoin our countryman, while you, on your side, will see that all the other actors in the comedy are kept in readiness.
ERA. And you, Madam, pray remember your part, that in order to conceal our aim the better, you are to affect to be quite perfectly delighted with your father's resolutions.
JUL. If it only depends on that, things will be sure to succeed.
ERA. But, dear Julia, if everything were to fail?
JUL. I will declare my real inclinations to my father.
ERA. And if he persists in his designs in spite of your inclinations?
JUL. I will threaten to shut myself up in a convent.
ERA. But if, notwithstanding all that, he wished to force you to this marriage?
JUL. Why, what would you have me say?
ERA. What do I want you to say?
JUL. Yes.
ERA. What is said when one loves truly?
JUL. But what?
ERA. That nothing shall force you; that in spite of all your father can do, you promise to be mine.
JUL. Ah me! ��raste, be satisfied with what I do now, and leave the future alone. Do not