Monsieur de Pourceaugnac | Page 2

ready for the
purpose; and, in accordance with the permission you have given me, we
will not hesitate to make use of every means. Do not ask me what it is
we are going to do; you will have the fun of seeing it, and, as at a
comedy, it will be nice for you to have the pleasure of being surprised
without my letting you know beforehand what is going to take place.
This is telling you that we have many schemes in hand for the occasion,
and that our clever Nérine and the dexterous Sbrigani have undertaken
to bring the affair to a successful issue.
NER. Yes, we have indeed. Is your father crazy to think of entangling

you with his lawyer of Limoges; that Mr. de Pourceaugnac, whom he
has never seen in his life, and who comes by the coach to take you
away before our very eyes? Ought three or four thousand crowns, more
or less--and that, too, upon the word of your uncle--to make him refuse
a lover you like? Besides, are you made for a Limousin? If he has taken
it into his head to marry, why does he not take one of his own
countrywomen, and let Christians be at peace? The very name of
Pourceaugnac puts me in a frightful rage. I boil over with Mr. de
Pourceaugnac. If it were only because of the name, I would do anything
to prevent the match. No, you shall not be Mrs. de Pourceaugnac.
Pourceaugnac! Was ever such a name heard of! [Footnote:
Pourceaugnac equals _pourceau_, "a young pig," plus the local ending
_-gnac_.] No, I could never put up with Pourceaugnac; and we will
abuse the man to such an extent, and play him so many tricks, that he
will have to return to Limoges, Mr. de Pourceaugnac.
ERA. Here is our cunning Neapolitan, who will give us news.

SCENE IV.--JULIA, ÉRASTE, SBRIGANI, NÉRINE.
SBRI. Our man has just come, Sir. I saw him at a place three leagues
away from here, where the coach stops; and I studied him for more than
half an hour in the kitchen, where he went down to breakfast, and I
know him now perfectly. As to his appearance, I will say nothing about
it; you will see for yourselves what nature has done for him, and if his
dress is not the very thing to set that off. But as for his understanding, I
can tell you beforehand that it is among the dullest I have met with for
a long time. We shall find in him a fit subject to work upon as we like.
He is just the man to fall into all the traps laid for him.
ERA. Is all that possible?
SBRI. Perfectly true, and I am skilled in the knowledge of men.
NER. (pointing to SBRIGANI). This is a famous man, Madam; and
your affair could not be trusted to better hands. He is the hero of the
age, for the wonders he has performed. A man who, twenty times in his
life, has generously braved the galleys to serve his friends; who, at the
peril of his arms and shoulders, [Footnote: Compare the "royal cautery"
in 'The Flying Doctor'] knows how to bring to a successful issue the
most difficult enterprises; and who is, in short, banished from his
country for I don't know how many honourable actions he has

generously engaged in.
SBRI. I am ashamed to hear the praises with which you honour me, and
I could most justly extol the marvellous things you did in your life; I
could particularly speak of the glory you acquired when you cheated at
play that young nobleman we brought to your house, and won twelve
thousand crowns from him; when you handsomely made that false
contract which ruined a whole family; when with such greatness of soul
you denied all knowledge of the deposit which had been entrusted to
you, and so generously gave evidence which hung two innocent people.
NER. These are trifles not worth mentioning, and your praises make
me blush.
SBRI. Then I will spare your modesty. Let us leave that aside, and
speak of our business. To begin with, I will quickly rejoin our
countryman, while you, on your side, will see that all the other actors in
the comedy are kept in readiness.
ERA. And you, Madam, pray remember your part, that in order to
conceal our aim the better, you are to affect to be quite perfectly
delighted with your father's resolutions.
JUL. If it only depends on that, things will be sure to succeed.
ERA. But, dear Julia, if everything were to fail?
JUL. I will declare my real inclinations to my father.
ERA. And if he persists in his designs in spite