Monsieur de Pourceaugnac | Page 8

the patient according to our wish!
MR. POUR. Gentlemen, I have been listening to you for the last hour. Are we acting a comedy here?
1ST PHY. No, Sir; we are not acting a comedy.
MR. POUR. What does it all mean? What are you about with this gibberish and nonsense of yours?
1ST PHY. Ah! Insulting language! A diagnostic which was wanting for the confirmation of his disease. This may turn to mania.
MR. POUR. (_aside_). With what kind of people have they left me here. (_He spits two or three times._)
1ST PHY. Another diagnostic: frequent expectoration.
MR. POUR. Let us cease all this, and go away.
1ST PHY. Another: anxiety to move about.
MR. POUR. What is the meaning of all this business? What do you want with me?
1ST PHY. To cure you, according to the order we have received.
MR. POUR. Cure me?
1ST PRY. Yes.
MR. POUR. S'death! I am not ill.
1ST PHY. It is a bad sign when a patient does not feel his illness.
MR. POUR. I tell you that I am quite well.
1ST PRY. We know better than you how you are; we are physicians who see plainly into your constitution.
MR. POUR. If you are physicians, I have nothing to do with you; and I snap my fingers at all your physic.
1ST PRY. H'm! h'm! This man is madder than we thought.
MR. POUR. My father and mother would never have anything to do with remedies; and they both died without the help of doctors.
1ST PHY. I do not wonder if they have begotten a son who is mad. (To the 2ND PHYSICIAN) Come, let us begin the cure; and, through the exhilarating sweetness of harmony, let us dulcify, lenify, and pacify the acrimony of his spirits, which, I see, are ready to be inflamed. (Exeunt.)

SCENE XII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC (_alone_).
What the devil is all this? Are the people of this place crazy? I never saw anything like it; and I don't understand it a bit.

SCENE XIII.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, TWO PHYSICIANS (_in grotesque clothes_).
(_They all three at first sit down; the PHYSICIANS rise up at different times to bow to MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, Who rises up as often to bow to them in return_.)
THE TWO PHYSICIANS. Buon dì, buon dì, buon dì! Non vi lasciate uccidere Dal dolor malinconico. Noi vi faremo ridere Col nostro canto armonico; Sol per guarirvi. Siamo venuti quì. Buon dì, buon dì, buon dì!
1ST PHYSICIAN. Altro non è la pazzia Che malinconia. Il malato Non è disperato Se vol pigliar un poco d'allegria, Altro non è la pazzia Che malinconia.
2ND PHYSICIAN. Sù; cantate, ballate, ridete. E, se far meglio volete, Quando sentite il deliro vicino Pigliate del vino, E qualche volta un poco di tabàc. Allegramente, Monsu Pourceaugnàc.
[Translation:]
THE TWO PHYSICIANS. Good day, good day, good day! Yield not yourself a prey To melancholy sway. We'll make you laugh, I trow, With songs harmonious, gay. Unto us your cure is dear, For that alone we're here. Good day, good day, good day!
1ST PHYSICIAN. Nought else is madness true Save melancholy blue. Not lost is he, Though sick he be, Who sips of mirth the dew. Nought else is madness true Save melancholy blue.
2ND PHYSICIAN. Up then! sing loud, and dance and play, "Better still I'd do!" you say. Delirium's nigh--if you must pine, Take first some wine; And sometimes, too, take your tabàc Right joyfully, Monsu Pourceaugnac.

SCENE XIV.--BALLET.

SCENE XV.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY.
APO. Sir, here is a little remedy; a little remedy which you must take, if you please; if you please.
MR. POUR. How? I have no occasion for anything of the kind.
APO. It was ordered, Sir; it was ordered.
MR. POUR. Ah! What noise and bother.
APO. Take it, Sir; take it, Sir. It will do you no harm; it will do you no harm, &c.
(MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC _runs away, the_ APOTHECARY, _&c. after him_.)

SCENE XVI.--MR. DE POURCEAUGNAC, AN APOTHECARY, TWO PHYSICIANS (_in grotesque clothes_).
THE TWO PHYSICIANS. Piglialo sù, Signor Monsu; Piglialo, piglialo, piglialo sù, Che non ti fara, male, &c.
[Translation:] Take it, take it. Sir; it will do you no harm, &c.

ACT II.
SCENE I.--1ST PHYSICIAN, SBRIGANI.
1ST PHY. He has forced through every obstacle I had placed to hinder him, and has fled from the remedies I was beginning to prepare for him.
SBRI. To avoid remedies so salutary as yours is to be a great enemy to oneself.
1ST PHY. It is the mark of a disturbed brain and of a depraved reason to be unwilling to be cured.
SBRI. You would have cured him, for certain, in no time.
1ST PHY. Certainly; though there had been the complication of a dozen diseases.
SBRI. With all that he makes you lose those fifty well-earned pistoles.
1ST PHY. I have no intention of losing them; and I am determined to cure him in spite of himself. He is bound and engaged to take my remedies; and I will have him